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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider making my dad's funeral flowers?

52 replies

CellophaneFlower · 03/02/2021 12:11

Posting in here for the traffic, hope ok.

I've been looking to get Dad and Grandad floral letters made for my dad's funeral. Having spent so much time looking at them it's began to occur to me that I could actually make them myself.

It's not a cost thing... I've researched the prices and it's probably going to work out a similar price. It just seems so much more meaningful to make them myself. I can source the letters and stand easily and have found a company who will supply the chrysanths. I'd source the accent flowers locally. I've looked up timings and what's involved. It's pretty straightforward really, nothing like proper flower arranging (which I'm rubbish at). I'm just worried as I haven't done this before that it might go horribly wrong and I'll be left with no flowers at all! I don't have time for a trial run.

Has anybody attempted this themselves before? Or are there any florists out there that would like to tell me it's not as simple as it looks and I should banish this from my mind immediately?! I do get that floristry is a skill... but the letters do look so simple with the right equipment!

Thanks for any help!

OP posts:

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JillsFlapjacks · 03/02/2021 12:18

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your dad's passing.

I can only go from my own experience, but I found the immediate run up to my dad's funeral more stressful than I'd anticipated. I'd have struggled to do more than what was necessary. I think doing this will probably work out to be trickier than you're imagining. But if you've any experience with floral arrangements, and know what to expect then maybe it'd be OK.

oldyellerbeller · 03/02/2021 12:19

Sorry for your loss

I wouldn’t, take the easy route

QueenArseClangers · 03/02/2021 12:24

I used work in the funeral business. I was always shocked at the price of individual letters- £50! You’d need to buy a stand that they lean on plus the actual letter frames themselves and oasis.
They’re not that hard to make and could be therapeutic?

One of the nicests flowers I ever saw was a family who brought in lots of pots of narcissus, daffodils, crocuses etc.

We put them arranged in a basket in top of the cofffin.
After the service mourners took a pot home to plant in their gardens.

So sorry for your loss.

growinggreyer · 03/02/2021 12:24

I think you would be better getting professional flowers so that you can spend the time beforehand preparing yourself for the occasion. It's a significant event in your life and you don't need to be giving yourself extra stress at the moment when things are so difficult.

slidingdrawers · 03/02/2021 12:27

A family member did this for their parent albeit spray style rather than letters . They found it a very therapeutic process and quite a personal tribute to their loved one. Sorry for your loss.

Withershins · 03/02/2021 12:29

I did the letter flowers for my mum, I have no experience in flower arrangement etc and found it fairly easy. The pleating/stapling of the ribbon for the edges was the most difficult and time consuming bit, but it wasn't that bad. Plenty of You Tube videos about to show the details.
I did it the day before the funeral service and I don't imagine it cost much less than buying would have, but to me it seemed like the last thing I could do for her. I am sure it wasn't as good as a professional florists work but it definitely didn't look out of place.

SillyOldMummy · 03/02/2021 12:29

My mum did flower arranging as a hobby, never trained but was pretty good. She did the flowers for my dad's coffin and they were lovely. For her, it was a way of making a tribute to him, it was very special.

You have to accept they may not turn out perfectly.

But I think it is a beautiful thing to do.

Sorry for you loss

Fifthtimelucky · 03/02/2021 12:30

I am also sorry for your loss.

We are all different but when my parents died it really helped me to keep busy doing things and I can imagine that this would have been a really positive thing to channel my energy into.

You will be able to look back at it later and think of it as something very special and personal you did for your father.

Personally I wouldn't have tried to do it myself. Apart from anything else it would have been difficult logistically. However, when my father died I enjoyed discussing with the florist what I wanted the flowers to be like (much less formal than typical funeral flowers). I asked her to go to his garden and use some of the flowers and herbs from his garden which she did, and the end result was absolutely beautiful.

I'd go for it and I hope it all goes well.

dentydown · 03/02/2021 12:31

I made two wreaths but it was for an internment. It cost me 25 pounds. I used the internet for ideas, amazon for oasis rings, florists ribbon, florist pins and Lidl (and communal bushes/ our garden)for flowers. You will have to do the flowers the night before though, soak the oasis in a paddling pool for 4-6 hours etc.

It’s do-able but a lot of preparation.

Are there any Facebook florists that can do a reasonable price for you?

For my wreaths I used florists ribbon using the box pleating technique (stapled) secured with florist pins round the edge. Then filled in using the flowers from lidl. I had to buy them 3-4 days before to open them out. The day before the internment I soaked the oasis block in a paddling pool in the wet room/bathroom. Then at 9-10pm made up the flower arrangement.

Depending on funeral directors, you may have to get the flowers there early.

Original poster

CellophaneFlower · 03/02/2021 12:32

Thank you for your replies so far and your kind thoughts.

My dad was ill for a long time, so although still a shock when he passed obviously, mentally I'm dealing with things ok as just glad he's not suffering anymore.

I can get the letters complete with stand etc and prefilled with oasis, so really it is just sticking the flowers in, with just the very few accent flowers to actually arrange with a bit of greenery. Can't really see that a lot could go wrong and the thought of doing it makes me feel so happy... but I need to balance that with the horror of having no flowers at all. Aaaaargh!

OP posts:

mootymoo · 03/02/2021 12:32

It's not that difficult if you can purchase from the wholesaler but do you have the time the day before? It's pretty time consuming hence the cost.

Very sorry for your loss

Withershins · 03/02/2021 12:33

Sorry I meant to attach a picture.

To consider making my dad's funeral flowers?

mootymoo · 03/02/2021 12:35

Perhaps a compromise and just do Dad, and then spring flowers as a spray? In pots you can plant in your garden afterwards even better

Original poster

CellophaneFlower · 03/02/2021 13:08

@Withershins

I did the letter flowers for my mum, I have no experience in flower arrangement etc and found it fairly easy. The pleating/stapling of the ribbon for the edges was the most difficult and time consuming bit, but it wasn't that bad. Plenty of You Tube videos about to show the details. I did it the day before the funeral service and I don't imagine it cost much less than buying would have, but to me it seemed like the last thing I could do for her. I am sure it wasn't as good as a professional florists work but it definitely didn't look out of place.

This is exactly the answer I wanted and just how I feel. Your flowers were beautiful. Can you remember roughly how long they took to do?

I can imagine how lovely it must have been to look at them and think "I made those"!

I've read to get the chrysanths 5 days prior so they fully open etc. Is this what you did? I just keep imagining them all withering and me being left with nothing

OP posts:

Original poster

CellophaneFlower · 03/02/2021 13:10

@mootymoo

Perhaps a compromise and just do Dad, and then spring flowers as a spray? In pots you can plant in your garden afterwards even better

I was actually thinking perhaps I could do just the Dad and buy the Grandad ready made. Or the other way round and if they go wrong I can say the kids made it

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 03/02/2021 13:17

Sorry for the loss of your dad.

I think the main thing here is if it is going to help you (distraction / sense of purpose / a real personal touch for the funeral) or if it is going to be a source of stress and worry.

For me [sudden death of my mum 4 months ago] I couldn't even stand to choose colours so it would have been a huge no-no from me that said I did choose all the readings and write the eulogy but flowers would have been a bridge too far

One other to consider is what you will do with them after? It is a lot of effort just to leave them or worse still watch them wilt and die.

FoolsAssassin · 03/02/2021 13:27

I think as the idea of you doing them makes you feel happy then you should do them but agree with doing the Dad letters then something else as a compromise.

Really like the idea of including something in pots to plant somewhere after.

FoolsAssassin · 03/02/2021 13:28

And I am so sorry for your loss 💐

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 03/02/2021 13:33

Sorry for your loss CellophaneFlower

I made wreaths for my Nana's funeral. First thing I did was ask the funeral directors if it was ok if I did this and arrange when to drop the wreaths off to their office. I just bought the flowers from Sainsburys and Lidl - they usually have flowers not in boquets so could select what I wanted. I did stress about them being in stock as I only bought them two day before the funeral. The oasis needed to be presoaked - mine came with instructions on the packaging. Each one took a couple of uninterrupted hours - then I'd go back and look a bit later and tweak some of the arrangements,obviously the room needs to be cold/cool. I found it therapeutic to do this for my Nana and family and included national flowers from the country she was born in and her favourite flowers and colours.

Original poster

CellophaneFlower · 03/02/2021 13:50

@Crunchymum

Sorry for the loss of your dad.

I think the main thing here is if it is going to help you (distraction / sense of purpose / a real personal touch for the funeral) or if it is going to be a source of stress and worry.

One other to consider is what you will do with them after? It is a lot of effort just to leave them or worse still watch them wilt and die.

So sorry about your mum

I lost mine 9 months ago suddenly too. It was a totally different feeling, I was numb and could never have considered doing this.

I bought her a professional Nanny arrangement, which I brought home and put in the garden. It was May and warm and sunny so I used to move it around the garden to keep it in the shade. It lasted for ages though, I was surprised. It didn't make me sad to see it there, I just thought how pretty she'd have thought the flowers were

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Withershins · 03/02/2021 14:27

I guess it took a couple of hours to do the flower part, I had already made the folded ribbon a few days before as that took the longest time. I think I bought the flowers a day or 2 before and just used the most open ones, I got them from Tesco/Lidl etc, and had to change the colour from white which I had planned to yellow as I couldn't find enough about locally.
I did them the evening before in front of the TV with a glass of wine, and then left them outside undercover to keep them fresh for the next day. I was pleased that I was able to do something personal for the funeral because I was sure I wouldn't be able to do a reading or speak etc

CaptainSirTomMooreismyhero · 03/02/2021 14:41

I have made my own funeral arrangements in oasis. With a 'DAD' one I didn't use the ruffled ribbon (just not my style) but something more like this:
www.flowersatmoorstreet.co.uk/products/dad-funeral-flower-letters

I was very much a novice but it looked very professional. I used lots of greenery from my own garden and bought the flowers from a wholesaler. It was totally stunning and I just felt like I had really given of myself and was very proud of having done it.

Slightlyunhinged · 04/02/2021 03:06

I would say go for it if you think you can do it. It will give such a lovely personal touch. For my Mum's funeral her two best friends got in touch and asked if they could make the arrangements for the coffin for us. I loved the idea that it was something personal. She loved her garden, so we said if people wanted to send flowers, rather than buying them could they bring along a bunch of flowers from their garden to the church. We had loads of baskets for them to add their flowers and it made a lovely display. My mum had a running joke with a neighbour, a very dour old farmer, every Christmas she would find a way to sneak a sprig of Holly into his bed. When we looked at the bunches of flowers afterwards, we found he had brought a big bunch of holly! Makes me tear up even now!

lyralalala · 04/02/2021 05:14

I did my Nana’s, but I used (very realistic) artificial flowers from country baskets so I had the reassurance of being able to do it a few days before and being able to fix any mistakes. I couldn’t afford my Nana’s favourite flowers in real ones so did it that way as it was much much cheaper. The ribbon was, as a pp said, the trickiest bit

Original poster

CellophaneFlower · 04/02/2021 19:19

Thank you to everyone that replied! I have decided to go ahead and make my own. I've spoken to a lovely florist today, who is going to supply everything I need for much cheaper than I'd been quoted online. She's even going to do a video call with me to help She offered to do the ribbons for me but as I'm not overly keen on them anyway she's suggested I could use conifer to edge. My dad has lots of conifers so I will use them and make it even more meaningful

OP posts:

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