Do I have a bad attitude?

[dragonstitcher]

DH says I have. DD aged 7 asked if she could have a drink in a glass, a clear one. I was tired and didn't think that one of our glasses is frosted blue, and answered without tiredly without thinking, "Aren't all the glasses clear?" Maybe DH was right and I was being picky and I could have just got it without saying that, but I was tired and not thinking. But I didn't like the way he pulled me up on it in front our our DD. DH is always fussy and precise about stuff, so I retorted, "I dunno, maybe I got it from you." DH told me off for being rude.

Why do I have to watch what I say to him? Why am I not allowed to be rude to him when he says whatever he likes to me? I asked him. He thinks I am rude, petty and have a bad attitude.

DD aged 12 went to youth club. Last time she went, a friend came over and I took them together. DH picked them up at 9pm and the friend came back to our house to be picked up by her Dad. She ran straight upstairs and woke my 7yo.

Yesterday I said that I would take friend to YC but I wanted her Dad to pick her up from YC and not our house. Her Dad said he would pick her up at 9.30. I got a phone call from DD at 8.50. The Dad was picking friend up and offered DD a lift home. I felt uncomfortable about it and said no I would pick her up. I went straight away (3mins away) and picked her up. The girls parents are very slapdash about times and other stuff and I was happier being in control. I also felt uncomfortable accepting the favour after insisting they pick their DD up themselves.

DH thinks I am untrusting and unreasonable.

AIBU? Do I have a bad attitude?

er, a little perhaps.......

I dunno, doesn't sound like it to me, but then I reckon my DP thinks I have a bad attitude sometimes anyway! Sounds a bit like double standards from your DH?

I don't think any parents shoudl pull the otehr up in front of a child, it is undermining, but I also don't think that the other parent should then retort. It should be a case of 'bite your tongue' and then bring it up when the child isn't there.

There are times the way I speak to my DC's is not perfect and the same goes for DP, but we will mention it out of earshot that way we can speak to the child about it and aplogise for being grumpy/tired/miserable etc without it looking like we have effectively been 'told off' by the other one.

I don't see the problme with the lift home especially as you have already said you wanted to be in control maybe thta is more of an issue.

i wouldn't say you are being unreasonable but the i was happier being in control comment spoke volumes

if you do a favour for this oyung girl why couldnt you accept the favour back he wouldnt be stupid to put your dc or his in danger just trying to be kind and offer the favour back

i too would of been annoyed if my dc was woken up

i too can get picky argued all the time with my dp didnt see this myself thought he was picking on me all the time dont know what made me watch what i was doing but quite alot caught myself being difficult made concious effort to lighten up

and now me and my dp get on great he thinks i've changed i think he's changed secretly i know i was taking all my frustrations out by being picky and when making more effort to be nice and think before i speak it has worked wonders we dont argue hardly at all we enjoy our time together

is there anything going on in your life that is making you feel resentful or not in control?
just try and relax and enjoy your time do you do things together? are you feeling depressed or run down?

i hope you are ok dont be too hard on yourself we all go through bad phases its just pin pointing what is making us act that way and working on that

x post bubbla.

The glass thing sounds like something I'd have said - as a statement of fact "aren't all the glasses clear" - as opposed to being rude. I suppose it'd depend on the tone of voice you used - only you know if you used a sarcastic tone or not.

That aside though, I agree DH shouldn't have pulled you up about something he thought was being rude in front of the children, like you were a child yourself. Had he asked you to one side you'd have had your chance to explain. As you say - what gives him the right to assume the position of know-all, always right, dominant adult of the house ??

If it's any consolation, my DP can be similar. Hates criticism himself, is very touchy about it and the slightest perceived remark is often turned into a row - by him. Yet he feels free to pick on me sometimes and speak to me like a child, for example, he told me I would have "to explain" to his mum why I, and I alone, didn't want to spend 4 days at her house at Xmas (not stopping him) instead of the 2 I suggested. I told him not to be so bloody condescending and that I was forty effing two. But it drives me up the wall.

The lift thing .... again, I don't think you were being entirely unreasonable. If I'd insisted the other child was collected I would have then felt a bit awkward about accepting a favour from them ...... on the other hand you did do them a favour before so maybe it wouldn't have been wrong to save yourself a trip ?