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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a Sunday or Friday wedding will have fewer guests than a Saturday one

55 replies

Fressia123 · 03/02/2021 08:50

We're on the very first steps of the wedding planning. It's a Jewish one so it can't happen on a Saturday before sunset. I've seen that most packages wouldn't really cater for an evening wedding (some do!) But hotels really want sit down meals and simply there would be no time for that (and a party!) So one option is to have it on the Friday, but I'm thinking of inviting my boss and some other colleagues and I'd doubt they'd come. On Sunday we think that some people wouldn't come to the evening bit as there's work the next day...

OP posts:

mootymoo · 03/02/2021 09:32

@Atrixie

We don't have pre wedding night dinners in the U.K., the dinner follows the ceremony

Mrsjayy · 03/02/2021 09:35

I was married on a Friday everyone invited came just organise it people will come if they have notice.

CruCru · 03/02/2021 09:35

I’ve been to Jewish weddings on Saturdays but they were both after sunset (in the US, I don’t know whether it is possible to get married after sunset here).

I’ve also been to a Sunday wedding, which was lovely. I moaned at the time (child free destination wedding on a Sunday in termtime) but now I think what a misery I was (going to a lovely Jewish wedding in Italy now sounds like heaven).

I know you’re not orthodox but having a Jewish wedding on a Friday is a bit odd. Would you not want the Rabbi at the party?

calmearth · 03/02/2021 09:36

I'd go to a wedding on any day of the week. We had ours on a Wednesday and had 120 people there. I personally would rather go to a wedding on a Sunday than a Friday as I would need to take less annual leave (1 day rather than 2)

Original poster

Fressia123 · 03/02/2021 09:38

Of course we'd love the Rabbi to be there, she's part of the journey and will have been preparing for such a long time... She might be ok with staying for the party, we don't know about that (we'll ask her tonight).

OP posts:

Hardbackwriter · 03/02/2021 09:41

My own preference would be the Friday - I've been to a couple of Sunday weddings and the evening had so little atmosphere that it was just depressing - but if there are important guests that couldn't make the Friday due to work then surely that's that decision made? If it is the Sunday then plan for an early finish, it's so much nicer to end at 9pm with your guests still there than to have a party that fizzles out.

peak2021 · 03/02/2021 09:42

I'd normally say Friday but understand given it is October and you wish to invite work colleagues, choose Sunday.

Hope the day is all you want it to be and good luck.

Mrsjayy · 03/02/2021 09:43

I have also been to a Sunday wedding the ceremony was gorgeous but people started leaving after the meal and yes it fizzled out.

stickygotstuck · 03/02/2021 09:43

@mootymoo

My Jewish friends (not orthodox) reordered the day to suit the sunset - also in October. They had a sit down meal, then ceremony just after sunset, then toasts etc then party.

This sounds like a good option, OP. Is that feasible for you?

My wedding was on a Sunday afternoon (civil wedding at the party venue), all 50 invited guests came. Most stayed the night but a couple went back after dinner and a few dances to get back to work the next day. We only had full-day guests, no separate evening reception.

SaltyTootsieToes · 03/02/2021 09:44

One of my DH direct reports (bride) was married in a Wednesday on a late siding day so day light for a food portion of the event.

The whole team and plus ones were invited. Wedding ceremony was at 11am. While day event plus evening. We left @10:30pm. Everyone was at work next day (except bride of course)

So yes, people will come. Just give enough notice and do not choose a time frame that historically is a busy time for your work.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 03/02/2021 09:55

I've just heard from another fellow Jewish bride who's getting married on a Friday by a rabbi of the same stream as us. That's very reassuring.

OP posts:

HattieMid2 · 03/02/2021 10:04

I’m getting married in October (hopefully!) and we’re doing the Friday of half term so it won’t affect kids at school etc.

Turnedouttoes · 03/02/2021 10:09

Id go for a Friday and personally not worry about what’s best for your guests, it’s your wedding!

The teachers I know who held their wedding on a Tuesday in the summer holidays certainly didn’t worry about it being inconvenient for all their non-teacher friends. Although the party did very much die around 10pm which I imagine is what would happen with a Sunday wedding

TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe · 03/02/2021 10:10

I don't know much about Jewish weddings so I might be inappropriate here, but if you can't have it on Saturday until after sunset, what about if you hold it in December, when it's about 4:30pm? That would give an hour for the service, a couple of hours for a meal then six for the reception.

In answer to the original question, I have been to a Sunday wedding but I feel like I was continually watching the clock knowing I needed to be up for work early the next day. I enjoyed it (as much as one can enjoy wedding receptions) but was more tense than if it had been on a Saturday.

Personally I'd prefer a Friday wedding - it's seems more reasonable to take a Friday off work for a wedding than it does to book a Monday off work for a hangover.

ShemShem · 03/02/2021 10:11

Why would less people turn up on a Sunday?

Friday I get as it's a work day

Winterwaves · 03/02/2021 10:14

I went to a wedding on a Sunday and very few danced. It was such a flat atmosphere because everyone had work the next day! Felt awful for the bride and groom as they had put so much effort into all the details but then I guess what do you expect having it on a Sunday. Oh and it was Mother's day too but no children were allowed! I had a 1 year old at the time!

Hardbackwriter · 03/02/2021 10:18

@ShemShem

Why would less people turn up on a Sunday?

Friday I get as it's a work day

Because a wedding is a lot less fun if you've got work the next day and because if you know you're going to leave early then going to the evening only starts to feel like a lot of hassle for not much. I would expect that all-day guests would still go, but would also be likely to leave earlier than they would on a Saturday.

besos21 · 03/02/2021 10:21

We're in the same position OP - we've gone for a bank holiday Sunday as people then have the day off after it anyway!

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 03/02/2021 10:22

My cousin isn't Jewish but she had just an evening do so she married at 6:30pm on a Saturday ceremony by candlelight and then photos at hotel and then straight into the first dance and night do and buffet at 8pm then dancing - it was amazing and no sit down meal saved her an absolute fortune

ShemShem · 03/02/2021 10:23

@Hardbackwriter

If you only go to weddings you think will be fun then that's a stain on your personality. Most go to celebrate a couple, not to have a party.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 03/02/2021 10:25

Well @ShemShem we want the work mates to be there to have a party (and celebrate us) but mostly a party!

OP posts:

Chanteuse · 03/02/2021 10:31

We are getting married on a Friday. I am a teacher and lots of my friends are teachers too so it will be during half term. I asked people who would need to take time off beforehand if it was okay and they were all happy to take the day off.

We are only having immediate family children to our wedding and again, told parents about this (we do only have a few friends with small children though) and again, they are all happy to find a sitter.

I’d say just speak to your guests if you are worried

DappledThings · 03/02/2021 10:33

I think either will be fine. I've been to weddings on a Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday all of which had at least 80 guests. The Thursday one had 150 and a lot of them(including me) had happily travelled.

nettytree · 03/02/2021 11:00

I got married on a Friday with about 10 guests and then we all had a nice meal on a local restaurant. Then had a bigger reception with everyone else on the Saturday.

Atrixie · 03/02/2021 11:04

@mootymoo on the contrary most Jewish families in the U.K. and maybe elsewhere will have a traditional Friday night dinner for family before a traditionally Sunday wedding to kick off the wedding weekend hence my comment to the OP. You’ll see she’s talking about a Jewish wedding and therefore many traditions are quite different to general British ones. Equally the thought of debating whether a Sunday night wedding is ok is equally bizarre to me. Our weddings and celebrations are almost always on a Sunday night, and it doesn’t affect the partying at all

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