To find this attitude to getting a cleaner bizarre?

[Rae34]

My mum seems to have an attitude RE people getting cleaners. I am getting one now at the end of a tenancy before I move to new home I've just bought. She raised an eyebrow that I wasnt doing it myself but said fair enough

The cleaner is coming this weekend. She remarked 'but surely you'll clean a bit yourself beforehand?'. Er, no. The place is already pretty tidy and it'll be mopped and wiped down throughout the week.

In holiday homes she always cleaned them within an inch of their lives/until gleaming so we'd spend half of the last day doing just that. Even though a cleaner would be in after.

She really struggles to keep her own home tidy and always did when I was growing up. She could have afforded an occasional cleaner but never would have got one. AIBU to find this 'I must do it all myself/who gets a cleaner' attitude strange?

It's your mother's form of martyrdom. That's all it is

No it is not. It's cultural. To a lot of people, especially older people, getting a cleaner in your house is absolutely shameful, it implies you are either incapable of doing it or lazy. It can also signify that you are "getting above yourself" and think you're too good for cleaning.

You don't need to entertain these ideas, of course, but rather than lazily just calling OP's mother a bitch, try to think logically about it.,

I think a lot of people have this attitude, especially the older generation. My ex fil is like this about car washing. He is absolutely horrified that we take the car to the car wash and can’t understand why we don’t wash it ourselves. He is 78 and still washes his car once a week himself. He cuts everyone else’s grass on his little estate (everyone let’s him do it as it saves them a job) and he is very much all about hard work and not being - as he perceives it - “lazy”.

When my mil heard we had a tiler booked to lay 30sq m large format porcelain floor tiles she offered fil services. Fil was 80 odd.

We stuck with the tiler.

Fluffycloud My Mil does that too,means Fil is out of the house for a few days😂

I'm over seventy and have never had a cleaner. Life was more frugal when I was young, and a lot that is normal now was a luxury then.
Taxis, for example. And I didn't get a car till over thirty so it's not that I could drive everywhere.

I'm no martyr and gradually over the years I've learned the pleasure of paying someone else to sort out the garden, wash my car etc but there's something more intimate about having a cleaner.

I would say that friends from a similar background, ordinary, not deprived in any way, feel the same.
My friends from a more affluent background on the other hand had cleaners from when they were first married. They're my age but to them it was normal.

It's surely not that difficult to understand that things change but ingrained attitudes can take a bit longer.

We mentioned to OHs grandma we were thinking of getting a cleaner after lock down and got a look of horror. I told my friend and she said something along the lines of "if you can, but you cant really justify it"

Me and my boyfriend both work long hours. We have a dog that needs walked twice a day. And both usually work Saturdays too. While we do technically have time to clean. It would mean cleaning at 8/9pm at night or on sundays. Which is time I want to be winding down and relaxing. I also want time to go gym most days (when it opens) and I'm working on expanding my business...if getting a cleaner makes life easier why wouldnt I get one!

I know I just justified it there. But I don't think it needs justified. If it

I don't feel any less connected to life because I have a cleaner. The time saved is time I can spend with my DS or gardening or just reading a book. Not sure how those activities are less grounding than cleaning.

😲 What’s the criteria for justifying a cleaner though?. All the household appliances could be scrapped but they make life so much easier.

@loveliesbleeding1 😀 it would have killed him. Literally killed him.....🤨.

I have a cleaner for the reason its a service provided with DPs job otherwise I wouldn't bother. I feel like I have to make myself scarce while she's here in case I'm in her way.
There's also a language barrier (although I am learning quickly) plus I always have to go round checking the toilets for DPs skidmarks because there's no way this lovely lady should be cleaning up another humans shit

I also think that in some generations, the home is quite a private space, and it's just not a thing to invite strangers round to your home, even if it's to do work!
My dad is always cautious about anybody new he invites round - he's been burnt in the past with things being stolen. This could be a big part of it. It's why my dad won't have a cleaner (he's the same with all people btw - will always be present in the house, won't leave the house unattended with strangers).

@Historydweeb

I have a cleaner for the reason its a service provided with DPs job otherwise I wouldn't bother. I feel like I have to make myself scarce while she's here in case I'm in her way. There's also a language barrier (although I am learning quickly) plus I always have to go round checking the toilets for DPs skidmarks because there's no way this lovely lady should be cleaning up another humans shit

Why is he not cleaning his own skidmarks 🤮🤮 the cleaner shouldn't have to do it but neither should you 🤢🤢

I grew up with the thinking that having a cleaner was a bit posh. Then lived abroad in a developing country for a year and was told by new colleagues that I'd have a cleaner and when I said I didn't think I needed one they were pretty horrified. I was soon educated that as someone who could afford a cleaner it was absolutely my duty to contribute to the economy and employment by having a cleaner. It completely changed my perspective, and when I could afford a cleaner in the UK I had one for years.