Ungrateful?

[EllFTM]

We have been so so lucky to receive money and gifts for our baby and we are very grateful as we know some people do not get any help.

However people are now over buying constantly buying to the point where there is nothing I can even come up with to buy my new baby that is due. I tried speaking with a family member to explain I'm very happy and grateful for such lovely gestures but i would like to have the opportunity to go and buy stuff for my new baby too. And they told me that I'm just being awkward and it's not very nice for me to say that.

I really don't want to come across as nasty or rude and I really am so thank ful for my family and friends but it is sometimes all too much as this is my first baby and I feel no one will let me do some shopping for her.

Help / advice please

Open a savings account

I would really hate that. It's one of the pleasures of having a new baby, that you can choose things for them to wear.

Can you set up a savings account and ask people for money instead? Or ask for a voucher? If they've bought it already do you have receipts?

Children need stuff constantly!! Save all you can because, while babies are relatively "easy to please", there are some big costs headed your way in the not too distant future. Off the top of my head in the first year alone: car seat(s) for heavier weights especially if you have a heavy child who quickly gets squashed in the smaller sizes; childcare fees (we pay over £1000 in nursery fees a month); buying larger sizes of clothes- around £100 in Primark to do a full re-stock and my ds1 skipped newborn size and was in 18-24 months by the time he was 1yo (he is a chunk) so that was a lot of money in one year; baby clubs which are surprisingly expensive! We also went for a smaller, more lightweight buggy after 1yo (obviously optional). Even if all this stuff has been covered, save save save. You can put it into an account for your child to receive when older or to pay for things like once-in-a-lifetime holidays or bedroom re-decorations etc. Honestly if I could rewind I would get ALL the baby stuff second hand and as cheap as possible and save for the big stuff.

Donate it to charity if you'd rather buy the stuff yourself. Or put at advert on a local site offering free baby clothes or the other stuff you get. Many people would be grateful.

Or sell it and use the money to buy what is your choice.

I'd imagine the people buying things, don't know what others are buying.

I don’t think you are being ungrateful at all. But I think a conversation needs to be had. You need to pick the things that you want to buy the baby and clearly state this!! I am buying the cot, I am more than happy if you come with me when I get it but it will be a joint decision between me and OH! And repeat!! Also, say thank you for any clothes, they are really helpful but we have a lot of stuff to do is up to 6 months so if you could buy 6-12 months stuff, that would be great. Use it to your advantage, they want to be helpful so let them be and point them in the right direction!!

I don’t think you are being ungrateful, nasty or rude. Buying things for your own new baby is part of the fun. The idea of a saving account is a good one.

I tried speaking with a family member to explain I'm very happy and grateful for such lovely gestures but i would like to have the opportunity to go and buy stuff for my new baby too. And they told me that I'm just being awkward and it's not very nice for me to say that.. I find this quite manipulative, it’s as though their wanting to buy things for your baby come before your wanting to do it.

Well, it’s not ungrateful. But why does it stop you buying stuff? 🤷🏻‍♀️
Just get what you want, use it, and only use the gifts if you want to.

Buy what you want for your baby use the gifts you like quick photo and donate the rest don’t try a d discuss if they won’t listen but you’ll have to start standing your ground this strikes me as a battle for control brewing

I think clear communication is needed. It's rude to buy things for people that don't want them. So if they are ignoring your hints, dont be afraid to be quite blunt. Just say, "no thanks, we have already got enough" or "we want to buy that for her ourselves". You could offer them bank account details but that might not satisfy theit urge to buy stuff!

Also agree with a pp that there are more expensive things coming up...so either let the relative buy the baby stuff and save your money for things like car seats that you would rather choose yourself, or encourage the relative to get things for the future, such as clothes for age 1-2 or a kitchen helper tower or a climbing frame for the garden or a pikler triangle etc.

If all else fails then ruthlessly sell or give away the excess. We have done a mixture of all 4 of these and just about manage to keep enough space to move in the house...it is no joke!