Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Passwords and secrets?

56 replies

Lochabernomore · 02/02/2021 16:27

Do you know your husband/partner's passwords for their phone?

I've never known my DH's but he does keep them fairly secretive and takes his phone everywhere (including the bathroom). My friend thinks this is weird, she knows all of her DH's passwords for everything.

I have no reason to believe he's doing anything he shouldn't but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't share them with me even if I asked (I haven't).

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 02/02/2021 16:59

Yes. In fact we have the same passcode, it's a family one we use for various things. Neither of us has ever felt the need to look at each other's phones though. That would feel like an invasion of privacy even though neither of us has anything to hide. We don't ever use each other's phones either, but I suppose we would in an emergency.

79andnotout · 02/02/2021 16:59

No, I know none of his passwords and even when I asked to borrow his laptop for something (I needed a mac), he set me up with my own login for it. He is very private.

He knows all of mine but that's because I use the same passwords for everything (and he's always telling me off for that), but I know he would absolutely never look at my phone, or laptop, or anything even if I left it open with stuff popping up on the screen.

He has worked as the IT guy at a fair few places though, with access to everyone's accounts if he wanted, so it's great he never looks at anything.

79andnotout · 02/02/2021 17:00

Also I find it really annoying if I send a message to a friend and their husband/child whatever responds to it on their behalf. It feels like a violation!

Godimabitch · 02/02/2021 17:06

Yep, we use each others phones freely, know all each others passwords, neither of us do anything that the other cant know about. He can go on my internet history and see my porn usage if he wants, couldn't care less. The only thing we keep secret is when we buy gifts for eachother.

It's not that we sat down and exchanged passwords. It's a case of one of us is busy and something's needed doing that means the other one needs to log in to something to do something for them. There's secrets here, and very little privacy, it's just how we are. Some people still want privacy in a relationship and that's not neccesarily a bad thing.

MindyStClaire · 02/02/2021 17:16

He knows all of mine. I know his phone but not his laptop as it's a work laptop and the password is 15 random symbols or something. He's called it out to me the odd time but I've never bothered to learn it. We fully respect each other's privacy though.

I was going to say the same as someone else - it makes sense to know phone details and email log in at the very least in case of an unexpected death.

cravingthelook · 02/02/2021 17:16

I take my phone to the loo! But it's to read mumsnet or play games 😁😁

notforonesecond · 02/02/2021 17:20

I just asked my husband what he’d do if I die and he said he’s always just planned to use my dead face for the face ID. What a sweetheart.

PhilCornwall1 · 02/02/2021 17:25

No idea what my wife's passwords are or her phone code.

She knows all mine. When I first set the laptop up, mine was the only user set up, so she logged in as me for a bit. She's set up now, so I guess she logs in as herself, no idea if she does.

MsSquiz · 02/02/2021 17:26

I know his phone passcode because it's his PIN number.
I know his password for (what I believe is) most things like emails, etc because it's 1 character different from the one I generally use.
He knows my phone passcode as it's a relative's date of birth

We know the phone codes if I've asked him to go on my phone for some reason and vice versa.

Never once gone snooping, never needed to

user1493413286 · 02/02/2021 17:27

Yes we do; I’ve never had to ask as it’s more that I might send a text for him if he’s driving or log in to his account to get a delivery type thing.

PoppyBean · 02/02/2021 17:32

I know all of my husbands passwords and pin code because he's useless with tech and I have to set them all up. He doesn't know any of my passwords or my pin code. He's been told my pin code to my phone a million times but he just doesn't memorise it. Drives me insane, his phone is often dead so he'll use mine to make a call and asks me it every single time.

BigFatLiar · 02/02/2021 17:36

I know his, he should know mine but I doubt he can remember them. Takes him all his time to remember his PIN for his card.
We have newish smartphones, used to have basic ones. His spends most of the time in a drawer or on the table in the hall.
He tends to use the landline mostly, has a panic when someone calls on his phone as he tries to find it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/02/2021 17:40

@79andnotout

Also I find it really annoying if I send a message to a friend and their husband/child whatever responds to it on their behalf. It feels like a violation!
I am with you on that.
Undies1990 · 02/02/2021 17:45

We know each other's codes for unlocking phones, iPads etc. No secrets in our household, that's for sure.

mindutopia · 02/02/2021 18:02

Technically, yes, but it's because he uses the same completely non-secure password for everything (it's also the same as his bank PIN). Even my 7 year old knows it! I don't have a password on my phone because I'm old school and hate having to unlock it constantly. He doesn't know the password for my laptop though, but there really would be nothing exciting on there for him to see except some work stuff. Neither of us are secretive people.

user678 · 02/02/2021 18:22

Yep, and we share a laptop where the passwords for emails/Facebook/Instagram etc autofill. We have no reason to want to check each other's but in theory could

user678 · 02/02/2021 18:24

@2me2u2u2me

Yes I know all my OH's and he knows mine, we sometimes borrow each other's phones/iPads if the others' are on charge eg.

I get where your friend is coming from, it's not that you are entitled to know his passwords, it's that he's secretive with them and takes his phone everywhere, even the bathroom, that's what would raise a bit of a red flag for me. Hmm

Not necessarily a red flag, some people just want something to read 🤷‍♀️

I think what would be a red flag is if he changed his behaviour I.e. for the last 10 years has always left it on the arm of the sofa, but in the last few months now takes it everywhere including the bathroom

AuntyMabelandPippin · 02/02/2021 18:53

I know his, and he knows mine. We're both set up with fingerprint ID on each other's phones.

Neither of us have anything to hide.

whoamongstus · 02/02/2021 18:57

Yeah, I do. It wasn't some big 'let's swap passwords OR ELSE' type conversation, we've just over time borrowed each others' Amazon accounts or phones or whatever and now I think I probably know 95% of his passwords (or could make an educated guess) and vice versa.

hansgrueber · 02/02/2021 19:01

@magicstar1

I know all his, but he doesn’t know any of mine. Not because I don’t tell him, but he’s got a crap memory Grin
Sounds like my late OH, he didn't even know his own passwords, he relied on me and my little password book! We had had the TV 6 years but he still didn't know the PIN for watching some programmes.
peonyrose87 · 02/02/2021 19:02

Yes, we know each other's passwords/pins for most things. It was never a big thing, just happened over time. We both leave phones lying around and know we can pick up and use the other's if needed, although it rarely happens, we know bank card pins, account passwords etc as we both use each other's accounts to buy things.

hansgrueber · 02/02/2021 19:03

@notforonesecond

My husband doesn’t have a passcode on his phone because he’s a weirdo but I’m not telling him mine.

My internet history is between me and god Grin

In MN terms you must have something to hide and he should LTB!
TillyTopper · 02/02/2021 19:06

Yes I do, he has mine because he fixed something for me the other day. But I'd never unlock his phone and he wouldn't unlock mine unless we were together.

JaceLancs · 02/02/2021 19:10

No but I could probably guess
Sometimes DP asks me to check his phone or reply to a message if he’s driving and always tells me password (one of a few he uses) but my memories not great so I would have to guess
He is same n wouldn’t remember
DS knows most of my log ins but mainly as he’s my tech expert when I’m struggling!

SpudsandGravy · 02/02/2021 19:15

It sounds very weird to me. I can't imagine why on earth he would carry his phone with him all the time around the house, unless, of course, it's just always in his pocket, or something.

Swipe left for the next trending thread