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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for being honest about my friends constant Hypocrisy on Social media?

22 replies

Starryeyedgirl · 02/02/2021 15:39

So my friend went crazy with me last night, I never intended to upset her at all and now I feel so bad.
Sorry for length of post but have to give a little background.

So we have been friends for a while, we work in a bridal shop, both our daughters had weddings planned last year but both cancelled due to restrictions.
We basically haven't worked for almost a year, yes it's been hard, yes we have had cabin fever at points, however we still have almost the same income through furlough as no travel expenses and everyone is in the same position.
My friend is never off social media, if she is not posting? she is commenting, if she is not commenting? She is snooping.
She constantly craves validation from people she has met once who she then hunts down and friend requests just so she can boost her friends numbers, then becomes upset when these strangers don't comment/like etc.
She has told me off in a sing song voice for not commenting/liking her posts several times and calls me pathetic when I explain I have been crafting, painting, baking rather than on SM.
I completely understand this is her fix, SM is how she occupies her time, but it's only a 15 min distraction for me.

At the beginning of the pandemic, when we were all wearing masks for obvious reasons, my friend posted a huge performance, complete with picture about why she wears a mask, a very self serving post also demanding everyone stay at home and not mix to bring the virus under control, which we were ALL doing anyway.
2 weeks later, she created a post asking 'all her friends' to sign a petition calling for numbers at weddings to be increased?
Only 3 of us liked the post, none of us have signed, and I was just going to ignore it completely, but she phoned me up and gave me a telling off for not supporting the industry I work in or my own daughters wedding.
I told her I didn't think an increase was a good idea but took on board her point, liked her post to save the agro but no way I was signing that petition, as I said, we are doing ok on furlough and my daughter's concern is more about everyone's safety than having a huge crowd (we lost my dad last year).

Cut to last night, she reposted the petition, an acquaintance in our community called her out for what he deemed 'that ridiculous post' he wasn't completely disrespectful towards her, but called her out on her hypocrisy.
He pointed out that as her own mother is in a nursing home in a frail condition, her father in law has health conditions and we are in the midst of a pandemic, upping wedding numbers is a disturbing suggestion from anyone, especially someone who felt the need to previously lecture others about wearing a mask when they already were.
She phoned up so angry with me, for not backing her up as many people had liked his comment before she saw and deleted it (I didn't know)
She couldn't see any wrong in what she is encouraging, so asked me what I thought and was she a hypocrite? So after many years of biting my tongue at her constant hypocrisy I let it all out, there was stunned silence and she hung up.
I have tried to phone her loads from the minute she hung up till right now.
I feel terrible, I feel so in the wrong, rather than calm her down I made things worse.
My daughter says it has been a long time coming, but she really doesn't like my friend (many previous incidents).
I'm not one for discussing friends problems with other friends, so here I am wondering AIBU? Because I can't take back what has already been said, but I do love her and don't want to upset her again, how do I deal with this?
I also like my job, and she could make things difficult when we go back to work, as she has done with others.

Again apologies for the extended post and very grateful for any advice.

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 02/02/2021 16:00

She sounds a bit OTT!
She’ll know that you’ve tried to call so I’d leave it there. You were only saying what you’ve been thinking for years. Let the dust settle and apologise for upsetting her at a later date. Good luck.

AbsentmindedWoman · 02/02/2021 16:12

Why do you give this woman the time of day? Hmm

She called you pathetic for your hobbies. She 'tells you off' for disagreeing about the petition. Wtf. That's aside from her whining for you to engage with her inane drivel on social media.

YoungYankee · 02/02/2021 16:20

She sounds like a lot of work and pretty unpleasant. I think you should ask yourself if you really need her in your life.

1Morewineplease · 02/02/2021 16:52

I completely understand how you're feeling right now but it does sound like she had it coming.
I'd just back away and leave her to her to stew.

You really don't need to have this person dictating what you think or do.

Starryeyedgirl · 02/02/2021 18:01

Thanks everyone, she really doesn't have many true friends, I feel kind of responsible in being her friend because of that.

OP posts:
ContessaDiPulpo · 02/02/2021 18:28

OP, you sound kind. However it sounds like your kindness is wasted on someone as thoughtless and unkind as your 'friend'. If no one else likes her, there will be a reason why, and it's because of how she treats them. She treats you the same, but for some reason you put up with it. I'd suggest you stop, as she really doesn't deserve you!

Hermie12 · 02/02/2021 18:40

I’d say you’ve done well keeping quiet until now. It sounds pretty obvious why she doesn’t have many true friends.

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/02/2021 18:42

Your daughter has more since.

You aren’t being truthful with her or even true to yourself by biting your tongue and agreeing with her:

That makes you a terrible friend.

She likes you because you always agree with her. What’s nice about that?

She’s saw your now honesty rely and is rightfully embarrassed!

You aren’t her friend.

HyggaeHugger · 02/02/2021 18:50

The hypocrisy would be the least of it, for me.

I can't be doing with people who expect me to live my whole life in Facebook and like or comment on everything. Another pet hate of mine is when people expect me to respond to every single comment ( not talking about urgent things) straight away! Facebook isn't for queries about emergencies etc that's for phone, email etc

PickAChew · 02/02/2021 18:58

There's a good reason why she doesn't have many friends. She sounds rather narcissistic and tedious. She's playing all hurt because the was disagreed with and now you're dancing around trying to smooth things over. Don't waste your energy. She'll soon be craving attention, again.

Beautiful3 · 02/02/2021 19:03

She's trying to involve you in something that doesn't concern you. Step away from this person and stop pandering. She did and said the wrong things, it's on her to sort out on sm. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Duckberg · 02/02/2021 19:13

Your friend is a moron.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 02/02/2021 19:15

She sounds like hard work. I've weeded those types of people out of my life. I suggest you do that with this one.

Playnoh · 02/02/2021 19:24

Your not in the wrong for why you said or your point of view but the way you did it wasn’t great. You could have been a bit kinder as you have to work with her, but no YANBU

sayanythingelse · 02/02/2021 19:31

In the nicest way possible OP, you need to stop being a doormat to this woman. She only likes you because you pander to her idiotic need for attention.

She phones you up and has a go at you, calls your hobbies pathetic and there have been previous "incidents". She's a bully and you shouldn't put up with it. Listen to your daughter.

GameSetMatch · 02/02/2021 19:41

Don’t do anything, let the dust settle, let her calm down and see what things look like in a fortnight or so.

BMW6 · 02/02/2021 19:42

Your friend needs to acknowledge her rank hypocrisy and learn from this experience.

Stop trying to appease her. You did 100% the right thing in telling her the truth. Leave the ball in her court now - if she does acknowledge and apologise you can both move on as friends. If she doesn't - well, she doesn't deserve you as a friend.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/02/2021 05:56

Its sounds very outing. Two friends working in a bridal shop with two daughters due to get married. I hope she is not on here or she will be even more floored after reading this.
I don"t think you did much wrong though.

Rowenasemolina · 03/02/2021 06:07

You say she spends hours on sm needing validation from strangers, but that is exactly what you are doing here

thosetalesofunexpected · 03/02/2021 06:40

@Starryeyedgirl

That's quite interesting, is there for e.g particular reasons for why your friend has so she is not able to keep friendships then?
what is it about her as a person that this a issue with her then?

Why do you feel Op,that you have to walk on egg shells when it comes to your friend feelings?but she feels ok to belittle your feelings as being trivial to her then?

thosetalesofunexpected · 03/02/2021 06:52

@Starryeyedgirl

I ment to say why does your friend struggle to keep friendships in her life then?

Your friends seems very insecure,needy ,like stuck in a toddler, arrested development child like stage !
Your friend comes across as a shallow !
You op, sound like a total contrast to her, which is good thing,

You sound like you have little in common with her,except working in bridal shop and having daughters.

Op you need to either find,develop more friends who you have much more in common or focus on spending time with friends/people who have a more positive attitude in life that her,your friend !

Icanflyhigh · 03/02/2021 09:27

You told her the truth, the truth hurts sometimes. She needs to suck it up to be honest and move on.
She doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh. You sound very kind OP, don't let this bother you.

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