Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think there isn’t always plenty of fish in the sea?

39 replies

Hard2Find · 02/02/2021 10:51

A friend recently ended her relationship with her dp. All of our friends where quick to tell her not to worry and that she would find a new partner in no time and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I hated this reaction. It seems to dismiss her upset at her relationship ending plus I feel in her case it’s just a lie. She is 30 years old with 4 kids (2 different dads). As lovely as she is, that’s a lot for someone new to take on. Her youngest child is only a baby. I know there are plenty of great men out there but surely it’s going to be a lot harder to date and find the right person in this situation?

OP posts:

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 02/02/2021 12:04

I know there are plenty of great men out

I'm pretty certain there aren't .....

bloodyhairy · 02/02/2021 12:06

I don't think she needs to be thinking about this right now. Her focus will be on her children. Who knows what will happen in future.

Serendipity79 · 02/02/2021 12:07

If I had my time again when I separated from my first husband I'd have stayed single a lot longer. Because he wasn't a family man (didn't know this until we had two kids) I fell for someone who appeared to be, a few months after separating. Family guy with his own daughter already, said all the right things - went on to get married and have two more children and then he showed his true colours and turned into an abuser. I left him just over 2.5 years ago.

So I'm now the wrong side of 40 and my youngest is just about to turn five. I never want a relationship again tbh, and I get annoyed at people telling me I should put myself out there, there are plenty more fish in the sea - friends experience with dick pics and gross suggestive messages on online dating meant I've never tried it and don't want to! And relating to your comment about single mums - I definitely think I'd attract the wrong kind of man again, someone who targets single mums like we're so desperate we'll put up with anything.

I have a good career, 4 amazing kids, the 2 older ones see their dad occasionally, the younger 2 don't see theirs at all, so I am very much a full time parent and I am content with that tbh. There's something very 1950's about thinking we need a man to complete us, when all I read on MN these days is stories about how crap everyone's partners are.

I am certain there are decent men out there, but if they're any good then they're probably happily married already! :)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/02/2021 12:07

Even if you’re right (not sure you are) what benefit would it be to say it? Friends saying plenty more fish are giving her hope. She might meet someone very quickly.

TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe · 02/02/2021 12:09

As someone once replied to me when I told them "there's plenty more fish in the sea":

"That's fine, but I'm not looking for a fish am I."

Justcallmebebes · 02/02/2021 12:13

My daughter met her lovely chap when she had 3 under 4 years - one a tiny baby and he has been an absolute rock over the years and he's slightly younger than her with no kids himself. He says he never wants any now!!

PurpleHoodie · 02/02/2021 12:15

Some men really are just decent, despite the crap that society teaches them to be.

AStudyinPink · 02/02/2021 12:24

It’s going to be harder with four kids, obviously.

LApprentiSorcier · 02/02/2021 12:28

If you're female, the older you are, the smaller your pool of fish becomes.

Pukkatea · 02/02/2021 13:07

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow has it right.

Plenty of fish in the sea, but the sea is bloody massive and a lot of them are blobfish.

SallyMcNally · 02/02/2021 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleHoodie · 02/02/2021 14:51

YouShouldLeave · 02/02/2021 15:36

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I never found there were plenty of fish tbh

😆😆

LilMidge01 · 02/02/2021 16:12

Probably but I do think it's better to be with no fish than a rotten fish (not sure if I've done the metaphor right, but hopefully you get what I mean)....

think the issue is more that if her relationship wasn't working well then she's better off out of it and is only 30 and has so much of her life ahead of her with her children....a loving partner would be a nice addition but not a necessity and definitely not something she should be too worried about right now after her relationship has just ended.

I know a few people who I unfrotuantely feel went along the 'well at least it's better than noone' route (judgey i know, but I feel those relationships stick out a mile) and they don't seem happy in the long run and I definitely don't envy them their DH/DP!!!

Flip

1 2