Worried about relative

[MiaMarshmallows]

She is

1. In her thirties
2. Unemployed
3. Health issues
4. Single
5. No kids

Currently staying with a friend throughout this period. Says to me last night that there's no point getting up most days as there is nothing to do, she is sick of the endless job search which she feels she has no chance of getting because of her health, and she is also in some form of physical pain.
Aibu to say she really needs to try and make small steps to get herself out of this mindset?

I understand you worries, a difficult situation and I do agree with you. The Lockdown is making this even more difficult to handle. What does this relative like, enjoy doing? Can she volunteer in some way in this area? The relative sounds like she lacks structure in her life, it is essential to feeling happy and positive. Can she do some exercise with her health issues? Is there an online support group for other people in this similar situation she won't be alone and talking and sharing with like-minded folk might be a place to start. Hope things shift for her soon.

What "small steps" do you think she should make? Have you thought about just sympathising, rather than trying to "fix" her?

It sounds like your friend is having a tough time. That's not a mindset, it's having a tough time, facing huge difficulties in life.

You're in danger of going into the "just pull yourself together" territory which is unsympathetic and really unhelpful.

It is worrying if you think she's slipping into depression. All I can suggest is to offer a sympathetic ear and some company. Suggest meeting outside regularly so she has something to look forward to? Remain optimistic about the current restrictions being relaxed by spring? Try to do little things to lift her spirits and let her know you're thinking of her.

She is shielding so cannot go out.
She belongs to support forums but they often make her feel worse.
I am concerned she is slipping into a deep depression.

Yes you would be unreasonable to say this to her. The first thing you need to be is sympathetic and offer comfort.

Is her pain being managed by her GP?

You can volunteer from home, there are people who are wanted to phone and chat to lonely and shielding people. Volunteers are also wanted to help students, these are advertised.There are quite a lot of advertised volunteer jobs wfh. One of these may be a diversion and potentially add good stuff to a CV and may lead to a paid job.

I appreciate none of these ideas may be suitable for your relative, is this person being treated for their MH by a GP? Are this person's probably likely to shift with Lockdown ending?

Problems.

Aibu to say she really needs to try and make small steps to get herself out of this mindset?

Do you have a list of these "small steps" you think she should be taking?

Be prepared for her to tell you she's already tried them in any case.

I think the only thing you could usefully do is encourage her to talk to her doctor about her mental health.

Why is her relationship and child status relevant?

@Vilanelle

Why is her relationship and child status relevant?

Because being without intimacy and affection exacerbates depression especially in lockdown when physical contact is limited to household /children/bubble.

She does sound as if she might be slipping into depression, that’s true. But pushing her to make small steps, whilst well meaning, isn’t going to help her right now. What she needs is your support and friendship, that will be helping her more than you realise. (I’m speaking as someone with MH issues here.)

If you’re in the UK, she should be getting the Covid vaccine soon and that will improve her quality of life considerably.

Yes she sounds like she is becoming depressed. I'm glad to hear you are concerned and want to help.

Telling her she needs to take 'small steps' to 'change her mindset' however is not very helpful to someone with depression and will most likely make her feel more isolated from someone she loves and cares about (you). I don't have any to hand but there are lots of helpful resources on the internet as to how to talk to/support people with depression as we are often inclined to try to 'fix' things and end up just making it worse

You sound like a lovely friend but this has to come from her. If she doesn't want to change she won't. If she does, then she needs to start planning how. She can ask for help but she needs to be in the driving seat.

I hope you're not going to say that to her OP . She's very understandably depressed, ( sleeping too much is a typical symptom) which anihilates your mood, energy,motivation & perspective. I'd encourage her to have a telephone appt with the Dr re her pain & depression. Then I'd come up with ideas to make the days more enjoyable. Shelve the job hunt til lockdowns over, one thing at a time. Is there something she enjoys that can be a daily ' thing' to look forward to/get up for? I treat myself to a decent horror film or true crime documentary every afternoon. As pp said there are those schemes for ringing people shielding, for a chat & human contact. Those are a start. Once lockdowns over, many colleges do free courses for the unemployed if she wants to upskill. And Gov.uk has details re student loans that don't require paying back til you're earning money £25K.