Checking 13 year old’s phone

[Edenspirits]

DS 13 (but only just 13) has been getting upset by friend issues. Mainly around asking mates to play online, getting no reply and then seeing that they are playing with someone else etc.

I asked to check the messages on his WhatsApp as trying to get a handle on what’s going on, the messages he’s sending & what’s going on. I pay for the contract too so feel like I can occasionally ask esp when he’s upset.

He got even more upset about me checking but i kind of feel like it’s a condition of him having a phone that I pay for (23 a month too) that I can look if he’s getting upset so I can try and help him.

Aibu though? Over stepping boundaries & privacy or not?

As it goes, his mate had been really rude & not replied to loads of him asking to play online. Like 6 or 7 messages. So I have been able to say stop trying and focus on other people etc.

How do people deal with this issue?

We check DD's phone on a regular basis but it is a condition known to her from the day she got a phone (Y6, she was just under 11), even if it was just for call and text, no SM until she was 12.

She is 13 now and we had our share of misunderstood Whatsapp messages and friendship issues so I think it is important. Not because we pay for it but because they still learn a lot about social interaction, be it in person or online. 9 out of 10 I just skim messages but if her behaviour suddenly changes I may go back for a more in-depth look.

Unfortunately the world has changed and WhatsApp is now a big part of life and we found it actually benefits her to have it but it is so easy to send out a message which is easily misunderstood.

@reluctantbrit that’s how I feel. My DS is sensitive and quite immature for his age so i feel like it’s important to help him have perspective.

My sdc had his phoned checked by his mother and thank godness she did.
He was being groomed-it was a hard reality of a modern world.
Sorry op wasnt meant to upset you just highlight the importance of checking a child's phone.

Check it check it check it!!! You have every right . You are keeping him safe. I didn’t and found my 16 year old getting bombarded with messages from a 40 year old . I’ve never forgiven myself. Don’t worry about upsetting him - safety is more Importantly

We check our 13yo's phone on occasion. Not our 15yo's - partly age-related, partly to do with the way he uses it. But if we felt we needed to, we would and he'd have to put up with that.

13 is still pretty young. I'm not sure I'd check specifically because of this type of friend issues, though (unless there's more to it and it's tipping into bullying).

I really cannot understand why parents don’t check their children’s phones and have passwords with email notification if it is changed. It’s basic safeguarding of your child.