To try and limit her phone usage

[Sexnotgender]

DD is 17 and suffers depression.

Her phone usage is averaging 8.5 hours per day. We notice a massive difference in her mental health when it’s lower.

We’ve asked her to keep it around 4.5/5 hours maximum. Apparently we’re the worst parents ever and she knows what she needs for her mental health.

Are we wrong?

For additional information she’s CEV and so is shielding.

You’re not wrong. If she’s spending all day doom scrolling or looking at people with fancier lives on Instagram her mental health will be far worse.

I don’t know what CEV is. Is she not doing school work or college work online? If not, can she look for a college course? Something constructive to work at.

It’s a tough time for teenagers; they’re missing out on so much, but lockdown will end eventually. Far better she spends her time with something to show for lockdown. Is there a home based hobby she could take up? Or a language etc she could learn?

She does need access to friends, and phone calls etc with them, so don’t limit the phone too much, but 8.5 hours a day is insane. She could do so much more with that time. Gardening, if you have one, or home workouts or reading loads of books! Stand your ground. She can’t while away her life on the internet.

Sorry CEV is clinically extremely vulnerable to Covid so she’s shielding.

She’s in her final year of school so is studying, she’s applied to university and is waiting to hear back.

We of course don’t want to cut her off from her friends which is why we said 4.5/5 hours which is a lot I thought! I fully appreciate it’s crap for everyone right now and try and get at least some structure to her day. Feel like I’m failing her though.

That’s way too much usage, even 4.5 hours is a lot!
How are her studies? I’m really not sure, is it the phone usage affecting her mental health or the covid situation?

How does she even do any schooling at all with 8.5hrs of phone usage a day?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, maybe come at it similar to school rules and have her leave her phone in the kitchen during school hours and she can use it on her breaks?

I don't know how much you can force a limit on someone who's 17, tbh. Appreciate you may be paying for the phone so do have a say, there.

Might you get further giving her some info about mental health impact and suggesting she trials lower usage. Maybe just one week with usage between certain hours and then ask at the end about how it made her feel? Whether or not it helped?

Maybe as part of a wider look at things that might help her mental health and seeing if they make a difference, for her?

I think it depends on what she is using her phone for. Chatting with friends etc is probably OK. IF it's spending hours following perfect people on Insta etc, it may well have a negative impact.

My DD is L6, and spends a full school day online for lessons, and then 2-3hrs HW. She is on her phone a lot to chat to friends which really does her good. She is not vulnerable though, so was at school Sept- Dec (Albeit a new one so she had to make new friends and settle in). IF she hadn't had that contact, I think she would be in a very different place.

It's so hard to try and help them at this age. Are there any other things you could do as a family to give her an alternative. Or could she try and do something via zoom with a group of friends - quiz, Escape Room etc? TBH I think most things involve screens of some form or another at the moment.