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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What defines a childcare bubble?

84 replies

Rincewind1213 · 01/02/2021 15:38

Sorry to put this on the AIBU section but I wanted to garner opinion. So the “childcare bubble.” How do you define it? I’ve had a lot of parents ask me “who I’ve bubbled up with.” Most parents where I live have either bubbled up with a grandparent or bubbled up with another family to share childcare duties. My definition of childcare is when you need someone to look after your children because you are either working or because you have an emergency (ie doctors appointment / no way of taking child with you.) I’ve now discovered that a large majority of people who are bubbling up do not work and could technically stay at home with the children but are choosing to split time with another family. Another friend suggested to me that by keeping my son from bubbling up with another family I may be “damaging his mental health and was being selfish.” I GENUINELY thought that the childcare bubble was to cover those parents working or for emergencies. Have I misunderstood this? It seems so incredibly common where I live that I’m the only person not doing it.

OP posts:
Shrivelled · 01/02/2021 18:37

The “I’m getting by just fine, why aren’t you” attitude towards other families and the support they need, shows so little imagination and empathy for the struggles that people can face.

OverTheRubicon · 01/02/2021 19:00

[quote ZigZagInToTheBeach]@Rincewind1213 your post has confirmed what I feared. A few friends (SAHMs) have created childcare bubbles in order to share the burden of homeschooling. They certainly don't need to create them for work purposes. Meanwhile I'm at work holding the hands of those dying from Covid, struggling with nightmares and flashbacks, homeschooling my children on my days off, and I feel like a complete mug for doing what I feel is the right thing and is for the greater good by not forming a childcare bubble.[/quote]
And it's great you are doing what you are doing. You also don't know other people's lives. We all have different lives behind closed doors, and all have different struggles.

Homeschooling 5 days a week is difficult, and not all children or all parents are even marginally suited for it. Younger siblings, additional needs (diagnosed or not) and different abilities, personalities and number of children can make it much harder.
Also remember that families with WFH parents and SAHMs generally have far less exposure. I'm an unemployed single mum, get my shopping delivered, avoid supermarkets and playgrounds and though I don't have a childcare bubble, if I joined someone similar, the chances of us spreading covid are very small. This is unfortunately not the case for key workers who are out during the day and then have kids in school. It's not fair but none of this is fair. My sister is a nurse and suffering, that is hard. I lost my sole household income due to covid. My DD has missed a long-awaited and needed medical assessment due to covid. It's all hard, try not to judge others.

Di11y · 01/02/2021 19:26

Unfortunately this is another example where the law isn't strong enough. So those who can interpret what is intended and are sensible enough to abide by that do, and others willfully ignore and put others at risk.

Childcare only indicated caring for a child. Noone ever 'needs' a babysitter for a night out, and in normal times noone would say it's not childcare if it's just for some time off. If someone is looking after your child and you're not there, it's childcare.

Having a roast with the parents there is clearly prohibited, having a childcare bubble so you can watch Netflix isn't.

AndcalloffChristmas · 01/02/2021 19:34

People are saying “bubble” for everything as far as I can see.

As soon as single adults were allowed a much needed support bubble, couples with children started saying “childcare bubble” or just “bubble” just so as to mix with another household. It’s deeply unfair and selfish imo.

LST · 01/02/2021 19:39

Nah. It was the government that said childcare bubble. My mum was having to help before they were a thing anyway as we had no other option

Original poster
Rincewind1213 · 01/02/2021 19:40

@OverTheRubicon I understand your point and you are right to say that we shouldn’t judge, however I know these families quite well and they are very privileged and well off, none of them have children with SEN. None of them have more than 2 children, I know them all to be quite easy going kids, all bar one parent is a SAHM like myself. Obviously I can’t discount hidden mental health problems but my gut feeling is i know these people well enough them to find it unlikely that they ALL have mental health problems. I’m thinking in a class of 30 about 20 are taking this approach.

OP posts:
LST · 01/02/2021 19:47

But op they are doing nothing wrong. Both parents could be sahp it doesn't stop them using a childcare bubble.

Original poster
Rincewind1213 · 01/02/2021 19:58

@LST how do you define childcare?

OP posts:
LST · 01/02/2021 20:01

Someone looking after children.

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 01/02/2021 20:03

I have a childcare bubble - my mum cares for my children while I work from home in another room. However she also provides respite care for me - I am disabled and in constant pain. If my child was disabled I would qualify for a support bubble, but as a disabled parent I don't so my mother provides childcare when I can't cope anymore. I believe this to be within the rules, but I am in the house and not technically working.

Meredithgrey1 · 01/02/2021 20:04

The legislation specifically says that for formal childcare (eg childminder) this must be for the parent to work, look for work, study or take exams. That restriction is notably absent from the informal childcare bubble rule, there are no restrictions on that.
Obviously you can argue until the cows come home about whether that is how it should be. But that is what it is.

Original poster
Rincewind1213 · 01/02/2021 20:11

@LST so (Pre-Covid) when your child went round to another child’s for tea and a play date without you (and you weren’t working) you would call that childcare?

OP posts:
LST · 01/02/2021 20:16

Course I would. They were providing childcare for me. Why what do you call that? It would be a playsate for the kids but the adult would be be providing childcare

Original poster
Rincewind1213 · 01/02/2021 20:19

😏 @LST you know I’d call it a play date.

OP posts:
FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 01/02/2021 20:22

I agree with you OP.

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. We are all supposed to be limiting contact with as many people as we can, to limit the spread of the virus. It's as simple as that. If you need contact with people to do your job etc then fair enough. If you need childcare to work, or because you have genuine mental health issues and not having a break would lead to a crisis, then fair enough.

If you have a childcare bubble just because you want to, because you're not breaking the law, even though you don't need it, eg you want a night off from the kids to chill out or to get jobs done, then no it's technically not against the rules, but it can and will result in spreading the virus, and can and will prolong lockdown when enough people do it, and it's so against the spirit of the whole bloody thing that to be honest I'm surprised and disappointed that so many people here think it's ok.

We are all sick of it, we are all fed up, I am not sleeping because of the stress of trying to home school and work, we could all do with some help with it and we could all do with a break. But we are not forming a childcare bubble because I am still coping, and it doesn't seem like the right thing to do, and if everyone took the attitude of thinking it was ok then there would be much more spread than there is now

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 01/02/2021 20:23

Excuse my massive sentences and poor grammar - long day!

LST · 01/02/2021 20:23

@op for the adult too? Really? I must be really shit then because I have never played with the children I have in my care when they have come to my house to play with my kids.

This is also a moot point as play dates aren't allowed unless you are bubbled with that family. If you were bubbled and the adult said do you want me to have your dc for an hour so they could play with their kids and you can have an hour to yourself this would be within the guidelines.

TellerTuesday4EVA · 01/02/2021 20:28

The government guidance literally says 'informal' within the first 5 words, how can anyone interpret that it has to be in case of emergencies 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have a childcare bubble with my parents (in their 50's no health issues) because they like to see their grandchild, I can then work, my child likes to see her grandparents and it's good for her to have a change of scenery and company.

There's so little that we can all do at the moment why would I begrudge either DD or DParents time together that they both enjoy when it's perfectly acceptable and within the rules.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/02/2021 21:09

I can’t believe we live in a world where people are begrudging others for having one child care bubble.

I doubt ICU wards are full of people who were part of an exclusive childcare bubble, especially if those children aren’t at school and the parent doesn’t work... there’s minimal risk.

I would be in such a bubble if I were a sahp and my kids weren’t at pre school and nursery because you know what going to be so very mentally damaging for these kids yo not sociable with anyone other than their parent and that parent may need some time Away from their kids.

protecting mental health issues is far easier and better than the cure.

LST · 01/02/2021 21:11

@OverTheRainbowBridge it's utterly depressing isn't it. What has the world come to 😔

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/02/2021 21:12

Fed up of the covid martyrs. Good on you for not forming a childcare bubble, I’m sure it’s making a huge huge difference.

Chloemol · 01/02/2021 21:18

You are correct

LST · 01/02/2021 21:21

@Chloemol who?

MaxThePasta · 01/02/2021 22:12

@HorseOfPhillipMoss

I think to require childcare there has to be a reason you cannot care for your child yourself, surely that's implied, that may be WFH, medical appointments, respite for children with SEN or disabilities. My neighbours have their parents/grandparents (a working couple early sixties) round for Sunday lunch every week. That's not childcare but they say it's their childcare bubble.
Depends how old the children are.

If you have a child under one in the household, you can form a support bubble with another household. So they could have dinner together like any other support bubble, it's not the same as a childcare bubble.

cheesebubble · 01/02/2021 22:47

If your child is under 12 months, you can see everyone though (aka your parents who you have bubbled up with) and this is not just for childcare but emotional support when having a new baby in the house - rightly so!!!

Not that I have one but completely agree that this should be available to new mothers.