Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My baby hates me. I wish I could do it all over

29 replies

Betteroffwithoutmetbh · 01/02/2021 06:59

My 10 month old hates me. My partner takes care of him mainly throughout the day because I’m working (from home) and am completely financially supporting the household, though I do stop to play, give him a bottle or a cuddle. But I think he hates me.

He doesn’t respond to me when I call his name, when he’s on me he just scratches and hits me, I think he’s doing things on purpose like wiping his dirty face on my clothes yesterday while trying to clean him up. He doesn’t laugh with me and he’s started to move away when I try to stroke his head or face. Breaks my heart writing this but I’m at the point where I think he would be better off without me.

OP posts:
PicaK · 01/02/2021 18:21

Super update.
It feels so real doesn't it when you have those mad thoughts. Remember your brain is lying to you. X

Bimbleboo · 01/02/2021 19:15

I really hope this reply doesn’t sound offensive in anyway because I think your feelings must be so hard to have right now and I would only want to be kind.

My baby doesn’t hate me but she can behave like this. I am one of ‘those’ mothers who breastfed her exclusively (we stopped around 18 months naturally) we co-slept to a year, I work from home so she’s never been to nursery. I am her primary caregiver and because of covid, she’s never been apart from me even for a few hours. If she DID hate me, I’d be pretty pissed off after all that.

She’s not terribly cuddly a lot of the time. Not the way I expected babies/toddlers would be. If I try to cuddle her properly she will pull her face away or hit at me. But if I leave her be, she will sometimes rest against me and she likes to be physically close to me.

I’m not sure if this will be at all helpful, but she’s my first child and I definitely don’t find that she ‘cuddles’ into me the way I would have assumed they would. She also will pull away if I kiss her face or anything.

I’ve realised that maybe that all comes when they are older , and that for now, she doesn’t really recognise the same affection behaviours as adults do. She gets it from eye contact and laughing/playing , being carried around and I feel like she just finds me grabbing at her and squeezing her to be really annoying so far.

I mean maybe she hates me and I’m naive haha. But I don’t think she does. (She could be absolutely sick of the sight of me and desperate to meet someone she’s less bored of!)

I’m sure your baby doesn’t hate you at all. They just show affection differently I think. Until they are old enough to learn what cuddles and kisses mean. Was glad to read your update and hope you have all the support you need and fully deserve. He is not better off without you. Ever! You MADE him! He’s a very lucky baby to have a mother who would be sad to think he didn’t like her. Some parents couldn’t give a shit whether their baby likes them or not.

ritav88 · 01/02/2021 19:20

your baby dont hate you...bond bond bond with him as much as you x

VestaTilley · 01/02/2021 19:40

Speak to your GP and health visitor.

A baby isn’t capable of hate - 10 months old is peak separation anxiety time, so he probably has that with his DF as he’s more used to him. My DS preferred me to DH at the same age as I was primary carer.

Please don’t beat yourself up- it’s a phase.

He won’t have been trying to dirty your top either; unless he’s exceptionally bright he’s far too young to connect actions with consequences at this age.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page