New identity and new life or just move out?

[RunAwayForever]

I’ve just read the thread on running away and it’s opened up a can of worms. My plans have just opened up to more possibilities. I’d be grateful for anyone’s thoughts.

I’m in an emotionally abusive marriage. I don’t have my own children but my situation is compounded by adult step children and an ex wife who have destroyed me almost to the point of no return.

Why am I still here? Because I am risk averse to the point of ridiculous and my anxiety stops me from making the big step out.

I couldn’t face the thought of living anywhere I couldn’t close the door on a home that I didn’t have to share with anyone. I don’t have friends and family to call upon.

So I’ve worked three jobs and saved and saved and I am now in a position to make a decision. I have £18k in savings - it’s taken two years to get here and a lot of hard work so I think you’ll understand I don’t want to waste it.

I can’t share a room, I just couldn’t do it, so my bare minimum would be a studio flat.

I have an enjoyable and fairly well paid job. That’s the only thing keeping me in this area.

Should I relocate to a new city and potentially take on a new identity? Or should I stay at my job, rent a local flat and risk him persuading me to come home?

How easy is it to relocate? Sorry if this sounds silly. I feel a bit silly writing it.

I'm from Norwich (moved away when I was 27) and it's a lovely place to live. Safe, friendly and pretty. I had mostly hospitality jobs, I don't know what it's like now though because I moved 5 years ago.

But wherever you go I hope you are safe and happy. You don't deserve to live at the hands of an abusive man. Good luck.

What assets/money does he have? Is there anything to put with your £18k?

Another poster mentioned live-in jobs. Here's place for them.
jobs.lady.co.uk/jobs/any/?sector=6039&over

Yes Norwich is nice enough OP! Plus small and manageable.

If you have a well paid job and it's with a big company why not also ask about opportunities for keeping your job but in a different location? If they can move you to a different branch that will also take the pressure of decision making out of your hands

A bit out from Norwich, but Ely/Soham/March are nice.
Almost moved to Soham about 10 years ago, really nice community spirit there I thought.

Can I ask why you're thinking of getting a new identity? Are you fearful that he will manipulate you or that you're at risk of physical harm too?

It may be worth contacting a DV charity and seeing if there's anything you can get put in place legally so he has to keep away, and if he inexplicably turns up at your new home you have more chance of the police taking it seriously and keeping him away x

It sound like you are frightened of your partner. If you are so scared of them you are thinking of changing your identity you should think about getting help from a domestic abuse service.

When I left my husband I got help from my local branch of women’s aid. I had a support worker who helped me make a plan of how to safely leave. I did move to a new area but not too far away as I have the same job. You might be able to get a place in a refuge when you first leave.