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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to want to see me boyfriend this weekend?

17 replies

Teatimes2 · 30/01/2021 09:58

Together 5 years, live apart, really only weekend relationship, he sometimes makes family members a priority and I feel out of the loop - he lives closer to them. I feel our relationship has become a bit stagnant and I can't see things changing. We haven't yet made plans for this weekend yet but today I'd actually rather spend the day alone, don't feel in form for seeing him. Anyone else ever feel this way? He often suits himself but I'm a bit nervous about telling him.

OP posts:

TinySongstress · 30/01/2021 10:00

Fuck that, lass. You do you.

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 30/01/2021 10:02

I should also mention I've been feeling a bit down lately with restrictions and not seeing family etc and so I'm not really trusting my judgment at times. We are each other's bubble.

OP posts:

Poptart4 · 30/01/2021 10:04

After 5 years you should be able to be open with each other. Just tell him your not feeling well and will see him next week.

TBH after 5 years and still only seeing each other on weekends I dont think this relationship has much of a future. But I think you know that.

Aprilx · 30/01/2021 10:06

No I would never not want to see my DH. I would never want a relationship where five years in I still only saw them at the weekend, that isn’t a relationship to me.

Caterinaballerina · 30/01/2021 10:09

I’d find a better bubble, support bubbles for single households allow you to see as much as each other as you’d like, acting as though you are one household, only having the weekend is bound to affect your mood. Also if he is not prioritising you some of the time this suggests he’s also breaking some of the lockdown rules? I’d say you don’t want to see him because then you will get a clear 2 weeks under your belt because you are going to form a bubble with someone else (is there a person or household you could do this with?) to help with the weekday loneliness and your overall mood which should benefit him too. Then use that time to see if you have missed him at all?

DicklessWonder · 30/01/2021 10:12

@Aprilx

No I would never not want to see my DH. I would never want a relationship where five years in I still only saw them at the weekend, that isn’t a relationship to me.

DH and I had a LDR at the start of our relationship. I loved it. Was a couple of years before we moved elsewhere together. I’d go back to that in a heartbeat now (15 years on

)! I hate sharing space full time, and lockdown really hasn’t helped!

4redSocks · 30/01/2021 10:12

How old are you both? Do you want children you and him?

londongirl12 · 30/01/2021 10:15

Why do you not live together? What future do you see together?

peak2021 · 30/01/2021 10:31

Not wanting him to visit this weekend is reasonable. If it becomes more than one weekend I think you do need to be having conversations with him.

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 30/01/2021 14:24

Well, I didn't need to say anything as he said to me did I mind if we didn't meet up this weekend as it's due to rain all weekend and there's nothing to do anyway. I do tend to go more to his house as he said he gets bored in my smaller place so I didn't feel like travelling there this weekend (it's 45 min drive way. No, we've never had a talk re the future. He's fairly set in his ways so I'd say we'll continue on as we are. I know he'll never move from his home.

OP posts:

BlueTurtle1 · 30/01/2021 14:39

Yanbu. How old are you both? I think a weekend relationship isn't unusual at all if you are single with kids. Depends on what you both want.

2020iscancelled · 30/01/2021 15:12

Hun it sounds like both of you are a bit over this relationship....
that’s not to say you are finished forever but it does sound like you would benefit from exploring what else life could offer.

It’s really hard right now because of lockdown etc, I don’t think many relationships are at their best. Perhaps it could be beneficial to have a few weeks off from seeing each other and then reflect on how you feel.

It doesn’t have to be (and simply won’t be) rainbows and love hearts all the time - that’s not realistic- but sometimes things come to a natural end and we don’t see it for a long time

londongirl12 · 30/01/2021 16:43

@Teatimes2

Why on earth are you staying with this man??

hardboiledeggs · 31/01/2021 09:38

I wouldn’t put up with that. He’s suiting himself and slotting you in when he has time. After 5 years I’d be expecting to be a priority.

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 01/02/2021 07:17

Thanks all. I'm going to have a chat with him next weekend. I'm just not feeling happy with things and I really don't know why or if I'm overreacting. For one, he's not good at expressing emotions/ how he feels about things - especially me. He's a guy who likes a good laugh and joke and said before that he's not into all this lovey-dovey stuff, but he's never actually told me he loves me. Also, I don't mind too much about the living apart at the moment - and I know a lot of people say you don't need to live together for a committed relationship - but I need to know I'm not just someone he's very fond of and good to hang out with now and again. Would this be reasonable to ask? He's late 50s and I'm mid 40s, so we're not in the first flush of youth!

OP posts:

Original poster

Teatimes2 · 01/02/2021 09:43

Sorry, the title has an error, I've just noticed. I obviously mean "my" boyfriend!

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 01/02/2021 11:05

45 minutes is nothing - it's a normal commute, and doesn't really explain why you are still only a weekend relationship at 5 years. I think his actions have made it plain what he sees this as - and if you haven't addressed needing more, then it suggests you've either been happy being a passenger in the relationship and allowing him to drive it, or have thought it is better than nothing, and felt unable to address it for fear of 'scaring him off'.

At 5 years in, it's not great either way. As someone said earlier, I think you know this isn't going anywhere good.

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