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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To discourage mum from visiting during Lockdown

2 replies

LadyBirdFlyAway · 30/01/2021 02:01

A week or so ago my mum sent me a message to say she’d bought me some stuff from the shop and she’d drop it off. Kind of her, I figured she’d just leave it on the doorstep as she’d done in the previous lockdown, but no, they rang the bell and she was there with my dad. Fair enough, it was nice to see them, but my toddler heard her and was heartbroken that he couldn’t properly see her or give them a hug. They just stayed outside, had a brief chat then they left as it was confusing for my toddler.

The other day she texted again, she’d got me more, I didn’t ask for it, and it’s starting to seem like she’s trying to find reasons to come over. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, it’s nice of her, but it’s nothing that we need and the little doorstep visits just confuse the toddler.
I was having a challenging time home-schooling so when she asked when a good time was I said I didn’t know, I would be busy for a while. So she rang the bell a few hours later. But after she’d put the stuff on the doorstep, and I’d moved it, after standing outside for a moment, talking to my eldest, the other children heard her and appeared. So then she came in. She then said “it’s ok, grandad’s not here today so we can have a hug” This just says it’s all really! She reassured me later that “it’s ok, I’ve changed my clothes” Like that makes it ok?

She’s openly admitted that she thinks the fuss about Covid is an overreaction. And while she claims to be careful and is following the rules, she has a habit of telling people what she thinks they want to hear so I suspect she’s been visiting her sister, who definitely does not follow the rules, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes inside her house Etc.

She asked if it’s not possible for her to take the children out for a walk to the shop, playing dumb like she doesn’t know the rules. And almost suggesting that we don’t go out ourselves, which annoyed me. I look forward to and am in desperate need of our little walks for my own wellbeing and it’s a lot less fun walking alone.

She’s messaged again today, offering to give me something that I didn’t ask for, need or want. I’ve responded that I don’t need it but I she’s said she’ll drop it off later. I again said no and hopefully she’s got the message but I doubt it.

I feel bad because she is clearly missing them, and although none of us are high risk, my health isn’t great and one of the very few perks of the schools being closed is that we’re unlikely to get Covid right now, so I really don’t want to catch it from her if she is being careless. But then, technically, we could get around the rules by letting her take the children out individually. It would do them good I guess, but would likely just confuse toddler more, and she’d end up coming in the house at the end of the visit.

I’m just kind of annoyed by what seem to be little attempts to sneak into the house or convince me to let her take the kids out shopping.

AIBU to resist her attempts to visit us, should I just let her take them out?!

We’ve been in lockdown pretty much since the beginning, so haven’t be legally allowed in other people’s houses other than a few weeks during summer, and yet I found myself avoiding meeting up with her then as she just ignored the law and the boundaries and invited herself inside our house after each walk Etc. It’s was hard to tell her not to really, especially as back then we were more of a risk to her, as the children were in school.. and how do you even tell your mother, in front of your children, that she can’t come in?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 30/01/2021 07:57

I don't understand why you can't just tell her though. say something like : Mum, I get you miss us, we miss you too , but you have to stop calling by, we can't let you in, we are doing all we can to keep the family safe and it upsets the kids more when you do call round. I am happy for you to facetime/zoom call them at times when it doesn't affect their homeschooling but you simply can't call by anymore until lockdown restrictions have been eased.

LadyBirdFlyAway · 04/02/2021 17:42

Yes I don't understand why I don't just say so too! I'm scared of upsetting or offending her, she keeps telling me how much she misses the kids and I feel terrible, and the kids also want to see her, so I feel really mean when I'm apparently the only one who's concerned. She texted my eldest yesterday to say she might see her when she drops the shit over, which pissed me off tbh.

But that's ^ a good message, thanks.

I went with ignore before and nothing came of it until she just showed up a while ago. She texted again the other day and I said I didn't need the stuff, thanks. She said she'd bring it anyway. It's clear now it's definitely just a reason to visit as I ignored the door (we were eating) and she texted to say she'll try again tomorrow, rather than just leave the stuff.

I'm kind of annoyed that she keeps pushing it, but don't want to upset her.

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