To complain to the school?

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

Two weeks ago DD came out of school asking me why I ordered her a jacket potato instead of roast dinner for Wednesday. I told her I didn't and she said she was given a jacket potato and when she said that's not right the dinner lady said " well, tell your mum to order you the right thing then". I can check on the app and showed her she was down for roast. The comment bothered me ,as I did make sure to order the right thing but just assumed some kind of mistake or miscommunication, shrugged my shoulders and let it go. DD won't eat the jacket potato,but one missed lunch won't kill her.

She came home today and the dinner lady attempted to swap her lunch for a jacket potato again . "DD you're fish , x you're jacket potato " but then she put the jacket potato in front of DD and gave the fish to x. DD pointed out that she should be fish fingers and the dinner lady said so too, so the dinner lady said x doesn't like the jacket potato so they're swapping meals.

DD is normally very quiet and polite but this time she stood up to herself and said she doesn't like jacket either and can she have her fish? In the end she did get the right meal, but it did bother me that she was just expected to swap or that she has to insist (which goes against her nature) to get the lunch I ordered and paid for.

Should I mention it to the teacher /send an email so they can figure out what is going on and make sure it doesn't happen again?

By the way OP, it really isn't the teacher to sort this. School dinners will be dealt with by the school office.

I agree. If you contact the office it will get to the correct person quicker and you will get a reply straight to you instead of through the teacher.

My dd often complains that as her class is last in that there's never any of her booked choice left, does my tits in and I will absolutely complain next time.

Our school is also still doing hot meals.

Who still uses the term 'old bag' for heaven's sake? It's ageist, misogynist and vile.

I’d have a little word with the school. It may be the kitchen assistant’s/school cook’s fault. It may be there’s a child close to your daughter who she is swapping meals with (due to the other child pressuring them), it could be, if there is a system of ‘bands’ (red - meat, green - veggie meal, yellow - sandwich) & the teacher has allocated the wrong one.

At one school I worked in, a parent stormed into the school kitchen after service, shouting at the catering staff for adding fingernails to her child’s dinner.

It quickly transpired that it was her child’s ‘best’ friend contaminating her meals; the child didn’t want to lose her bullying friend as she wanted to go to her birthday pony party.

And it’s not lying, it’s more subtly nuanced than that.

Not everything is cut & dried when it comes to the interpersonal relationships at school between children. Often, a child will lay blame on the adult figure - as a figure that they have only a moment of contact per day versus a ‘friend’ they spend most of the day with - as that authority figure is easier to confer blame on than accept their friend is the agent provocateur causing them discomfort. It’s part of a child’s development of critical thinking & emotional responses within the sense of self within a group.

Which is why you should never go into school all guns blazing, as not everything is as it seems when it comes to children’s relationships. Educational psychology & children’s emotional development is both fascinating & baffling!

Tl;dr a quiet word with the school is in order. Might not be a rogue dinner lady. Might be a simple error. Might be one of their peer’s orchestrating the swap. Or it might be a crap kitchen assistant who can’t be arsed. Who knows unless you ask? Go in with no assumptions.

(Side rant. You only need to look at some of the awful, judgemental posts about children having school places at the moment. You have no idea, and no need to know, exactly why child x, y or z has a school place at the moment. You have no idea why a child may be vulnerable, even if they have no obvious special need. Emotional vulnerability isn’t visible. And frankly, it isn’t the business of lay parent in the playground- or not - to know).

Make them aware, but don't complain!

Definitely contact school. It’s not fair that they are substituting her meals. I would also tell her if they do this again to refuse to accept the meal, explain it and then walk away to find a different adult for help.

@cansu

It is not a saga. She posted on here for advice. People answered. It is a bit more than a mix up. The dinner lady actively swapped the correct dinner for one that she did not like. And if she is doing this sort of thing without checking food allergies beforehand then it is a health and safety issue.

@CentrifugalBumblePuppy gosh that was a long and largely irrelevant post. OP has said what the dinner lady has said and done to her child regarding meal swapping. At no point did she suggest she was going to go in 'all guns blazing'.

@Maireas

What school canteen is providing hot meals at the moment?

My school is. Why wouldn't the children in school be entitled to a meal?

@Russell19, as I've said a few times up thread, my school does not. Only a sandwich in a bag for FSM students. The others all bring a packed lunch. Same for staff. Same all over our area. So again, to repeat, it's great that some schools have the provision ours does not.

@Maireas but why?

Fieldofyellowflowers
Calling it a health and safety issue is pretty hysterical.
On one occasion she wasn't given her roast dinner.
On another occasion she nearly didn't get her fish fingers and someone tried to give her a jacket potato. This is not a health and safety issue. A quick email to school would sort this.

The parents of the other child might have a reason to be ordering jacket potato too. Perhaps they are vegetarian and don't want their child eating roast lunch and fish fingers. I would raise it with the school because it is not up to the lunchtime assistant to make those decisions.

Well, Russell I have no idea. I'm a teacher, don't make those decisions, but no schools in our trust provide anything other than for FSM students. As I've said previously, it surprised and pleased me that other areas continue a provision. As I said before, at lunch time all the students in school remain in classrooms eating packed lunch.
Bit miserable, it's freezing.

Russell the school I work in, has not offered hot meals since March 2020.

[quote Maireas]@Russell19, as I've said a few times up thread, my school does not. Only a sandwich in a bag for FSM students. The others all bring a packed lunch. Same for staff. Same all over our area. So again, to repeat, it's great that some schools have the provision ours does not.[/quote]
I think you are getting the same replies because the question sounded like you were doubting me. Hard to get the tone sometimes in text. I certainly took it that way last night. I obviously see now that was not the case.

What would have me raging would be the thought that they are only doing this to her because they think she's too shy to complain. I have a child with selective mutism, and this would have me raging. Not okay to intimdate timid children and undo the hard work we put into building them up to make your own life easier, and that's what will be happening. Child X will be the type to throw a tantruam, so take the quiet child to shut them up.

School catering manager here 🙋‍♀️
I work in secondary so a lot different as kids get a choice at point of service not pre ordered but I had an issue with my primary DD being given the incorrect lunch.

Definitely email the school, if food is pre ordered there is no reason form them not to provide it. Swapping lunches could have consequences on both you DD and/or another child if they are accidentally given something containing an ingredient they are allergic/intolerant to.

My daughter was illuminating dairy from her diet at one point and I ordered her meals accordingly, it was swapped for another meal and lead her to have an awful stomach that evening/next day so an absence from school too.

The staff who cook the food will all hold (at least level 2 food safety and hygiene) but depending on how your school give out the dinners the staff dishing them out to the table may not- I would ask that they all have training (level 1 and allergen training) to impress how important this actually is. Allergens/intolerances may not affect your DD but could well be an issue for others and the more people that bring it to the attention of the school the better

I would politely raise your concern with the teacher (and check with her she’s the right person to raise it with). I wouldn’t go up in arms, just matter of fact - You’re ordering this, DD has received the wrong thing twice and the dinner lady hasn’t listened to her, and you just want to make sure it doesn’t keep happening. If it keeps happening... post again!?

I hate how some adults speak to children when they think they can get away with it, just because they are children. Bet she wouldn’t speak to an adult that way!

Yes, definitely ask them to look into what’s going on.

Thank you, @AccidentallyOnPurpose.
You are right about the tone, although it does help if people read updates!
As to your problem, I agree with those that suggest contacting the business manager.
Good luck.

And also just to point out that my child’s primary school have had a full hot menu throughout.

They school I work in has had the full hot breakfast/break/lunch service available. I know of only one secondary in my area who has only provided sandwich bags and a couple on a simplified menu (only know about secondary’s as that is my area)
We are able to operate as normal due to the size of our kitchen, luck of having no staff needing to shield and an incredibly supportive SLT who have re timetabled the school day to allow for a longer lunchtime that it broken down into year group time slots and managed well by teaching staff and SLT.

If a school kitchen is on the smaller side or there are a number of staff that are CEV/shielding then the decision would have been made to not offer hot food

Also, reading the thread, WHO CARES WHAT SCHOOLS ARE OFFERING HOT LUNCHES AND WHO ARENT?! That is not the point of OPs question!

I’d contact the school too. This isn’t fair on your DD. She did well to stand up for herself- which probably isn’t what the server expected.