AIBU to feel like I hate him for this

[georgarina]

For context, I went through a lot of severe abuse from my stepfather (including SA) and mother when I was young, and then went to live with my dad after. He was fully aware of everything I went through.

When I was in my 20's I found out I was pregnant and was not married or in a relationship.

When I told my dad he said all kinds of horrible things to me, but one thing that stuck in my mind was, 'Now you're not even good enough for your stepfather.'

He said it in front of my grandparents and they didn't react. Later on they just said, 'Well he needed to scare you/he had a right to react that way.'

The way he and my whole family treated me put me under so much stress I almost lost the baby.

Now I'm pregnant again and the memory has resurfaced really strongly. I haven't told any of them because I don't want to go through it again. It always bothered me but I had pushed it to the back of my mind. I have brought what he said up to him, and the fact that it bothered me, but he ignored me.

What would you do? AIBU to feel like I hate him for what he said (even though it was years ago)?

Woah fuck.

That's off the scale awful.

I know it's hard to step away from parents/ family. But. That's a hard no. That's off the scale bad.

That's an absolutely abhorrent thing for him to have said. I'm disgusted that a father would say that. There's no excuse. That's not something you say to scare someone.
I'd never have forgiven him.
Those voting yabu are as disgusting as him and probably troll accounts.

Horrible op.

You deserved better then and you deserve better now.

Thanks so much everyone. It's been hard for me to process because since my dad took me in he's been seen by everyone as the hero and saviour, and I was always the problem child he never wanted. I remember both him and his side of the family telling me I had ruined his life because he never wanted a child.

I think in their minds my mum and stepdad were "bad" so everything they did was bad, but they were "good" so everything they did was good. And I was the "problem child" he didn't want so everything I did was a problem. Every time I had a problem with something like this they would just call me unstable or tell me I had emotional problems.

I'm only now just starting to see this as an adult. Thank you to everyone who responded. It's been a relief to know I'm not crazy to feel the way I do.

Oh, you poor love

You are amazing to have survived this, and stay so strong for your children.
I wish you three the happiest life x

OP you parents and grandparents sound totally vile. So sorry that you have been failed by them. They don't deserve to have you in their lives at all, do you have anything to do with them now? I wish you every good wish, health and healing. And all the best with your pregnancy.

You’ve suffered terrible abuse - including verbal - at the hands of your family. What he said was unforgivable.

I hope you’ve had help to work your way through what happened and best of luck to you in the future.

Fuck him you can’t trust him with sensitive info, I’m sorry for you but he’s no loss. what a prick

If I were you I would cut your father and your grandparents out of your life.

Dear god. That would be it for me. I would get on building a wonderful life for the children and have nothing to do with any of them

These mother fuckers don’t deserve you.
Your too good for them.
Cut them of and don’t look back. Enjoy your family and just remember you’ll be a better parent than these shits can ever be.

So sorry OP. This is very very hard.

You don’t have to accept your father’s version of you as a problem child... his narrative made to suit his own agenda.

You have outgrown these people and you’ll need a period of adjustment.

Unforgivable and breathtaking in its cruelty. No words could ever walk that back and the healthy option is to go no contact with them. If you cant stomach that, move far away and stick to Christmas cards.

Never expose your kids to them and warn your children what they're like when the kids are older and more likely to be able to make their own way to visit (i.e. 16).

Do you have any contact with your dad? You don't have to tell him anything. Sounds like not being in your family's lives is actually the healthy thing to do

You deserve much better, what a dangerously nasty creature he is.

The fact you even doubted yourself makes my heart break.

Have you got support in your life now?

Parents are supposed to take care of their children. He was meant to protect you. He failed.

You are not a problem. Your only issue is being unfortunate with respect to the family you were born into, but now that you are an adult you can make your own family.

Keep yourself and your own away from all of these people.

Your dad sounds horrible. All your parents sound horrible. I'm sorry you went though that!

All the best with your pregnancy, you sound lovely and caring and will make a great mum. If you don't want to speak to any of your parents any more you don't have to. You deserve better than them

No question that your mum/step Dad are 'bad' but your Dad's family are not much better and 'not' in any way good. They are all abusive. You don't need such people in your or your DC's lives - walk away.

If you haven't had counselling, then I suggest you give it serious consideration. Your midwife should be able to get you the support you need.

That's a horrible thing to say to anybody. Can you speak to your midwife or peri natal team.