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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by what my DP just said?

40 replies

Friendless00 · 29/01/2021 17:56

We were just chatting (together for 6 years) and having a laugh whilst having a few drinks...
We got on to the subject of friends and he said “not that you’d know, you don’t have any”

This has always been a touchy subject for me. Due to many reasons over the years I have lost contact/stop contacting friends. I found that the constant upset from being let down, ignored, used by them was more hassle than it was worth. I guess to some extent I’ve shut myself off to people. I have plenty of acquaintances but not really any ‘real friends’.

I have a real problem trusting people and find it easier to just stick with my family that I can trust.

So AIBU to be a bit upset by what he says? Perhaps it was the way he said it, with the disapproving eye roll that hurt more?

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 29/01/2021 19:54

You have chosen not to have friends because you feel they all let you down. I'm not sure if he was being unkind as much as starting a fact you both acknowledge.

Original poster
Friendless00 · 29/01/2021 20:22

Thankyou everyone x

OP posts:
MumofSpud · 29/01/2021 20:43

Hey @Friendless00 I could have written your post word for word ! I too have got no friends - sometimes it makes me feel a bit .... i was going to put a sad face but that doesn't fit as I am not particularly sad about it, sometimes I think what it would be like though.
I think what upset you is the fact that somebody said it out loud - my DD (15) said the same to me a while back and it was like a slap in the face!
One thing I am a bit anxious about is when lockdown is over and my F/B feed will be full of people meeting up / partiesHmm(sorry to hijack!

ItWasTheBestOfTimes · 29/01/2021 21:16

I am also someone who could have written your OP. I have female acquaintances that I keep in touch with, meet up with and enjoy spending time with but I don't think I could class them as friends. I feel like I only have so much of ''me' to give to other people and most of that is directed at my large family who I love and would truly do anything for. I can't seem to replicate that with people who aren't family for some reason, mainly because that relationship isn't there to begin with and I can't bring myself to care about others in the same way that I do my family. That probably makes me a bit of horrible, selfish person though which aren't great qualities for building friendships, but I don't feel I 'need' friends and was surprised to read that some people actually judge people for not having friends.

SushiSoozie · 29/01/2021 21:36

I think it’s a very tactless and thoughtless thing to say to someone in general as a throw away comment because it is ultimately implying that “no one likes you” - because if they did, you’d have friends

Not really. If you have no friends, and you want no friends, why would you be bothered about someone saying you have no friends? It doesn't really imply no-one likes OP, more that OP likes no-one. IT's her choice not to have any friends, she can't really complain about it being mentioned.

catchtherock · 29/01/2021 21:42

@SushiSoozie

Some of us just weren't taught that skill as a child. Thanks for the judgement

Few people were. Like most things, you can learn as you go through life, should you wish to make the effort

Yawn
Edgeoftheledge · 29/01/2021 21:44

I’m in the same situation as you but I accept it... is what it is. He shouldnt of said that though

SunsetSenora · 29/01/2021 22:11

whatever the ins and outs, that was a dick thing to say and do. You need to tell him he crossed a line. BTW, the average number of friends people have is 2. And friendships end, sometimes for protection, so we need to be able to walk away.

Edgeoftheledge · 29/01/2021 22:12

whatever the ins and outs, that was a dick thing to say and do. You need to tell him he crossed a line. BTW, the average number of friends people have is 2. And friendships end, sometimes for protection, so we need to be able to walk away.

This does surprise me

Edgeoftheledge · 29/01/2021 22:12

Doesnt

Justcallmemissstupid · 29/01/2021 22:17

Cruel thing to say. But maybe you took it harder than he meant it, if that makes sense?

I’m the same as you op. I’ve lost friends over the years and have found myself with... well, none. Not because I’m a horrible person or a shit friend, but just because life got in the way. Kids take up a lot of time! Grin

I’ll be your friend Flowers

Mittens030869 · 29/01/2021 22:19

To me it sounds as if it was the way your DP said it that upset you rather than the fact that you have no friends (which you don’t mind). The way you put it makes it sound as if he sounded dismissive? Does he have form for this?

Livelovebehappy · 29/01/2021 23:04

Some people are introverts and feel happiest when with family. It’s a lifestyle choice for a lot of people. I have a couple of close friends, and that’s all I need, I don’t feel the need to go around collecting friends like some people. Quality, not quantity, for me.

1Morewineplease · 29/01/2021 23:16

He's had a few drinks and he dropped his guard. It happens. However it seems like he's touched a nerve, as a pp has said.
It is unusual to drop all of your friends though.
You've said that it was due to some need to protect yourself.
You need to address this.

Edgeoftheledge · 30/01/2021 17:06

Some people are introverts and feel happiest when with family. It’s a lifestyle choice for a lot of people. I have a couple of close friends, and that’s all I need, I don’t feel the need to go around collecting friends like some people. Quality, not quantity, for me.

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