To ask my sister to go home?

[xanthian]

DM is shielding and so my just-turned 18 year old DSis moved in with me at the start of this most recent lockdown, I live in a 2 bed with toddler DS. He has his own room and DSis has been sleeping downstairs on the sofa.

I have been asking her to clean up downstairs as it is a complete mess for about two weeks, maybe a little longer and she hasn't done it. She says she has been unwell but she always seems to be unwell when I need her to do something. I am recovering from covid so have been unable to do much housework at all.

She has spent all day everyday on the sofa not dressed, with blankets on because she is depressed, which I understand. But my son and I are basically just living in my bedroom because I can't face the mess downstairs and because she is just there sat in the dark on her phone or laptop.

She told me she tried to overdose yesterday in my house but changed her mind after taking 9 pills. She has overdosed before but not for a long time.

I said I think maybe she needs to go home and be with our parents, she isn't able to keep herself safe and I don't know if I can keep her safe? What if she overdoses? I feel like she needs her parents? I am only three years older than her. She says that my parents give no support at all and she would be worse off there.

I don't want to be selfish and I know DM will be at higher risk if she goes back home. I don't know what the right decision is?

AIBU to make her go home?

You need to woman up and reclaim your space

You must be a very patient kind sister I would have sent her packing month ago. Let her stay in her room in your DMs.

Thank you for all your responses. She works and she's a college student, but college has been online for the past few weeks and she has been off work due to us isolating.

As she'll have to go to work starting on Monday I don't want to put my mum at risk.

She needs to go. She is threatening you with her supposed suicide attempt. She clearly doesn't want to go home and she is guilting you.
To be brutally honest, if she wanted to take her own life, she will just do it.
She's manipulating as she doesn't want to live at home.
Be strong and get rid. She is destroying your home life.

Can you help her to get a MH referral via the GP. She needs help from.a professional and it's not the case that people who commit suicide just go away and do it as a pp said.

That may sometimes be the case, but she seems vulnerable and I wouldn't send my sister home if she felt I was a better support for her, but I would seek professional help for her.

Counselling is a start. It might help her to speak to someone and sessions can be telephone or video at the moment.

I can give you info about a low cost or free counselling service if you're interested. PM me if you are.

if she’s sitting in the dark, not getting dressed, contemplating overdose & taking tablets she is seriously depressed.
She must feel shit knowing her own sister doesn’t want to spend any time with her or help her & hides upstairs in her bedroom.

@Flowerythoughts

if she’s sitting in the dark, not getting dressed, contemplating overdose & taking tablets she is seriously depressed. She must feel shit knowing her own sister doesn’t want to spend any time with her or help her & hides upstairs in her bedroom.

At what point did I say I didn't WANT to spend time with her? She doesn't want to spend time with me, I ask her every day and she doesn't want to. There's always an excuse.

Also, how would you know whether I've tried to help or not?

There's always one.

@sotiredofthislonelylife

I may get flamed, but people who decide to commit suicide usually just disappear and do it. Telling others what you are planning to do, or not quite ‘managing it’ is a cry for help.
I used to believe that but on a recent MH First Aid course we were told to never ignore when someone says they plan to complete suicide. Statistics show that the majority of people who do commit suicide have threatened to do so previously.