I left an extremely emotional abusive man two years ago. Manipulative and very good at it. 3 kids and one lives with him and we swop weekend so all kids see other and us. We have to do mediation but have a Court order as I suggested it due to his continuous abuse and asking him what I can have do better as he constantly critises me.
My son that lives with him is 5 diagnosed ASD and I have my other son who is 3.5 they play fight and nothing extreme sometimes it’s just just scratch by wrestling and doing what boys do but my kids come back from his with a little scratch or bump and he takes them skate parks etc
He questions my kids all the time, he tells them I hurt them , I’m not good, not true I love them and watch them all the time, he put me through hell in court with lies and phoned my old house and said I was found benefit fraud! Not true and nothing happened. Was working and very much honest.
Some of his own family don’t allow him or his mum contact with their kids because they have a history of destroying people mentally. I have to put up with him, I’m getting anxiety attacks and bad migraines due to stress of watching the two boys constantly when he comes but also because I can’t stop thinking about how I should be enjoying motherhood and I was and do but he has upped his anti again lately I have to make sure that they don’t get a little scratch.
By the way he got my son privately diagnosed with ASD and in his session he bumped his head 3 times and has no awareness of it. He also had meltdowns and scratched himself but his dad doesn’t say anything about that when he was with him! when kids are with him and my eldest falls at skate park he laughs as says oh it’s jus a bump!
He lays into me constantly. I’m scared now to take them to the park. Or when they play with each other as they roll around together and bang around as boys do. He said he would have no mercy until he destroys me completely. The court completely ignored the f why I fled threats of violence, Emotional abuse, saying he would make sure they kids are with him and I’m out of the way and would never see them, I’ve had to fight for then but his abuse continues. I’ve spoke to professionals and unless it’s safeguarding for kids they don’t see it has concerned as apparently it’s not criminal enough and also solicitor said we can’t stop him saying stuff! and he is so clever he leaves no traces.
He writes lovely emails and says I can pick the kids up for you, his messages are fine too. His abuse is in whisper when I drop kids off even if I go with someone. I still have to get out of the car. I’ve been called tramp, slag and I will show you no mercy. He will not stop until I think he has the kids completely. He is so controlling.
I’ve got anxiety as I have my son again. I’ve had him for weeks holidays before and shared Xmas and it’s all fine, yeah they are mischievous and they do fight and play well but what am I supposed to do ? How do I parent with such a difficult man? My eldest is well aware what he does but he buys them off and is such a great dad now all of a sudden. When I was with him I had threats if I dared speak up about anything.
We are doing mediation , he will probably set more demands on me? How can I stop my anxiety of letting my kids play? They are so young. I can’t co parent with him at all. It will not be long before he attempts his annihilation of me psychologically again and says he will not stop until he has my youngest son who is his although my eldest sees him too bur he is stepdad but he wants my youngest. In emails he is very smart about it. I can’t explain how is behaviour is properly on here but I’m at the point where I’m quite broken and wondering if I’m better off giving him what wants not for me I’m heartbroken but because then he will leave me alone and my kids will be ok and will not be fed rubbish lies about me I will still do everything to see them. Don’t judge me please. He isn’t interested in my eldest so he doesn’t want custody but my youngest yes. ,I used to be a carefree woman, I have always looked after my children , kind helped people, had loads of confidence but he has knocked my confidence and to be honest as long as I’m dealing with him I can’t no longer see a way out with him for the next 13 years or so.