Do you think schools treat boys differently?

[IfIHaveToTellYouAgain]

DS and DD both started at a new school in September (DS in Reception, DD in nursery). There is very little difference in their personalities, both are chatty and confident, willing to play with everyone, always smiling, willing to have a go at everything - and it was confirmed at parents evening that this is what the teachers are seeing at school as well. DS knew some letter sounds on entry but couldn’t read as such, he’s now on to learning RWI set 2 sounds and is described by teachers as ‘way more advanced in reading than expected’. He’s apparently doing well in Maths as well but struggles to write words due to finger strength. All of this suggests to me that he’s doing pretty well, and since home learning has started being able to write sentences of around 4-5 words.

Despite all of this, he has never won the ‘learner of the week’ award. DD, by comparison, has had it 4 times. This has carried on being given out during homeschooling and posted on the school app for parents to see. In 4 weeks, each time it has been given to a girl (in both nursery and reception). I’ve asked school if there’s anything I need to know about DS’ behaviour in school but apparently there’s nothing, he’s a lovely addition to the classroom.

Those of you with both a DS and DD, have you noticed schools treating them differently? I feel so sad for DS, he’s really trying hard at home and getting very demotivated when he joins his Google Classroom session every week to find out who’s won and yet again it’s not him ☹️

The school are otherwise brilliant and we get lovely feedback from the teacher each week for the work he has done so I’m not teacher bashing in the slightest, just wondering if this is actually a thing or if I’m just overthinking it.

YABU - I don’t think there’s any bias
YANBU - Yes, I’ve noticed this too

I haven’t noticed any. Is the comparison between the others in the class and how they behave? Or just a different teacher’s perception?

Nope not noticed this at all

@BlueTimes It could just be a different teacher’s perception I guess. It’s just strange that the feedback has always been so positive and yet the positivity is always directed to me, almost as though they think he doesn’t need to hear it whereas DD does? He really does need to hear it though, it’s not the same when I tell him he’s doing really well 🤣

You can't do data on two children in two different classes.
They have different teachers, behave differently, and have different classmates.

For my dc, DD1 and ds got lots of awards, dd2 didn't get so many. The teachers were always as positive about her as the other two.

I'd actually be more concerned that your dd has had it 4 times out of around 15 weeks and is going to very shortly be hated by all the parents.

@Witchend 🤣 to be fair I think the first one might have been given to everyone as it was in the first week for settling in! Also they do have a morning and afternoon learner award and she’s there 30 hours so double the opportunity!
But whyyyyy hasn’t DS had one yet? 😩🤣

Because there are 30 kids and we haven’t had 30 school weeks yet?

In all honesty, these aren’t actually given to the best kid that week, as the same kids are always good at readin, maths etc. They probably make sure everyone wins once and find a reason to give it to them if necessary. You might well find the naughty kids actually get it more as a way of motivating them...

I really wouldn’t read in to it that there’s a problem with your son.

As to whether school treat boys and girls differently - quite possibly.

I don’t believe this to be a gender thing at all. I think these are two different teachers with two slightly differing approaches to awards. I have a boy and a girl and I’ve never put down their differences to gender. You can mention to teacher that your son is feeling a little bit disheartened and would truly like to be given a shout out for his dedication, when she feels he’s worthy of it. Life isn’t fair like this I’m afraid though, but it’s never occurred to me that’s down to gender.
In my experience, children with hard of learning difficulties more often get the rewards. Same for the naughty children - if they are bad 8/10 and suddenly have a couple of good days, you can be damn sure the teacher is going to massively praise that and your son will be forgotten about. Is it right? No, I have every sympathy for your son. But does that happen? Absolutely.

Feel fortunate - at my kids’ school they give iPad time to children who are usually really naughty. My children have never had ipad time - in the teachers admissions, they can’t offer ipad time to every child. So they’re aware they’re doing this and my kids hate it. One time my son even said ‘If I was always bad, would I be offered ipad time during class too?’ Honestly didn’t know what to say to that one.

There'll be about 30 kids in your DS's class, and only around 15 weeks of term, so half the kids won't have won it yet (they make sure everyone wins it at sum point). The nursery have given 30 awards, and most likely have smaller class sizes, so your DD's odds of winning are much higher.

Our school do treat DD and DS differently but that's nothing to do with them being male and female. They're just very different characters so need a very different approach! DD is very confident and outgoing (and attention seeking!) Whereas DS was elective mute for his first 3 1/2 years and now only speaks out of the house if he really has to. I'd be worried if they treated them exactly the same!

yes, I think they do treat them very differently. It probably starts when boys go into school at an age (4 or 5) when their testosterone is spiking and their bodies want to exercise their gross motor skills . . . . but their teachers want them to sit quietly and exercise their fine motor skills. So boys appear 'disruptive' in comparison to girls. This is probably where the whole 'naughty boys' thing starts, which the girls pick up on from an early age and love to repeat . . . . my own DD would say it like it's an established fact 'i hope I don't get paired with a naughty boy in maths' or 'i hope the boys behave themselves on the trip today'. Being naughty, and being a boy, becomes almost the same thing in eyes of many girls at school and I've often seen that validated by teachers eg. my DS had a teacher that kept all the boys in regularly for the misbehaviour of a couple of them, the girls were always allowed to go. eg. My DD had a teacher that would frequently follow a request for good behaviour with 'are you listening boys?' as if there was an expectation that they would be the ones who wouldn't comply. eg. I've seen the bad behaviour of boys is punished far more severely than comparibly bad behaviour in girls, for example if a boy pushes another in the playground it would result in a lost breaktime, but a girl could do it and just get told off. Of course, the irnoy being that the very worst behavior I've ever seen at school has been from girls: horrible mean and viscious behaviour, but never really clamped down on properly. My DS was very conscious of it by Yr6 and quite resentful, he was always giving examples of where he felt that girls would get preferential treatment, and that they knew it and exploited it eg. would prank the teacher because the teacher would find it funny, but no boys would ever prank the teacher because they knew it would be considered aggressive rather than whimsical.