Time to wake up.....

[thisisyourwakeupcall]

DP works full time, shift work so usually 3-4 days at work each week and 3-4 off.
I don't work but do all childcare/ housework/ cooking/ cleaning/ family admin etc.
AIBU to think that on his days 'off'- it's a day off from work not a day off from all responsibilities?
I always get up at 6/7 whenever DC wakes up, get the washing on, dishwasher, get breakfast, play etc while DP stays in bed
Often until 8:30/9 ish when I usually have to go wake him up- or send DC to wake him up. He would stay asleep/ in bed much later given the chance.
Takes bloody ages to get up and have breakfast then sits about for a bit until I've had enough raging and ask him what he needs/ wants to do that day.
Often I just get on with the day and let him miss out including sending DC to Nursery/ playing in snow/ going for walk.
He will usually help tidy the kitchen in the evening sometimes vacuum so not completely useless but I can't help thinking what more we could get done in those wasted hours!
Before I get flamed- I am not denying him a lie in, esp after a late shift- but everyday!!??? And where's mine?
Where is this unwritten rule that says this is acceptable!

It depends on what time he finished his shift and went to bed the night/morning before.

What time does he finish work the night before?

What you talked to him about you having a lie? Or discussed how to divide the chores/childcare. Surely the sensible thing would be if he was on lates the night before and your both off the next day then you do the morning and have the afternoon off and visa versa.

If you only have one child and they go to nursery surely you have plenty of free time for yourself.

Of course he should still do things when off mainly spending time with his child, but it would seem fair to assume he will need more resting time.

There isn’t one. Day one after 4 long shifts he needs a lie in. The other days have a chat, ask if he got up at 11 or something would he thing properly join the family for the rest of the day. He shouldn’t really get a lie in those days but perhaps a compromise will get more involvement from him. But then on the 2nd or 3rd day out of the 3 or 4 off you should get the lie in.

Yes you would think on at least one of his days off he would offer to let you have a lie in without you having to negotiate

Shift ends at 8:30- so not really late. Still plenty of time to get some down time and sleep 8-9 hours. Also it's only ever 2 in a row max, then 1 off, 1 on, 2 off. V. Random.
Child goes to nursery only 3 hours a week.

On the days he needs a lie in he can still do enough later in the day. Sleeping on from 6 to 9am is hardly a wasted day.
Sounds like you need to have a conversation about expectations rather than just doing it all yourself and getting wound up. Maybe on his 4 days off you each do two morning routines/ school runs and then you both get lazy mornings.

I actually disagree, finishing work at 8:30pm after a long shift doesn’t really leave you with much down time by the time you get home. It’s basically eat, shower, bed really.

Although he is working, lie ins should be shared. We have always taken turns. But like you have said, on dp lie in day off, he will take ages to get up, eat, ready etc before we can go out as a family. It drives me mad and like you, I often just get them ready and go without him

We split weekends so I get up with DC on a Saturday and DP gets up with her on a Sunday. Can you make a similar sort of arrangement so you get a lay in? 8.30 is quite late when you factor in getting home, eating etc, it'll be time for bed. Try to compromise.

How is he "helping" with the kitchen.
? It's his kitchen too!

Where is this unwritten rule that says this is acceptable!

It's in your accepting it for years. Why would he do anything when he can get away with not?

So annoying. Exdh used to wake up late and then spend an hour in the bath. Got so fed up with it. Glad he's not here now and we do what we want to be honest and no one has a go at us for being noisy in the mornings!

Where is this unwritten rule that says this is acceptable!

You're the one who's accepted it everyday for the last however many years.

I don't think finishing work at 8.30pm warrants any kind of lie-in the next day though - it's not like he gets in after midnight! He could be fed, showered and in front of the TV by 9.30 which gives him plenty of time to wind down before bed.