Trying to process my husbands affair

[wickerbasketss]

Aibu to think I was in the wrong .
Long story short . I was a full
Time worker . Reared my children in my own. He was gone 7am till 8pm. Travel
And work. Not involved in the day to day house hold work or child rearing . I am a teacher . Got kids up amd
Out to childcare . Travelled 80 miles daily. Home / housework/ homework/ dinner / bedtime. He rocked home / tired / hungry/ grumpy. Didn't do Bedtime and if he did he sat on his phone beside kids. Fell onto couch/ slept / went on phone : never went to bed with me but always wanted sex . Moody and cross when he didn't get it and multiply that by five days . Weekends ... he was too tired to
Engage with kids but not to socialise . Disappeared for hours on end for basic jobs at weekend . Always had a headache until it was time to
Socialise with adults . Would not do basic diy even though he was a tradesman . Did it for everyone else though. Left without toilet / shower / lights for many months . In one bathroom. Other to use . He met a girl and took off . My fault ?? I was a nag: he could never do anything right: he was picked on. His words . AIBU . These are facts not opinions . He left and the fall out has been shattering for the know kids .

I crawled out of that marriage absolutely exhausted and yes life is so much easier now but he would say it was my fault that he had an affair and left .

Of course he’d say that, wouldn’t he? But the first part of your sentence demonstrates it clearly wasn’t your fault.

It's not your fault;it's about him.

It's amazing on here how many men get married and have kids but don't want to step up to the responsibility of being an adult and all it entails with it.

All you and many of us end up doing is "adopting" a man child who's looking for a replacement mother.

I find these men have often moved in with one woman to another whether that be their mother to their girlfriend or girlfriend/wife to another woman.The common denominator is that these men expect the women they live with to do everything whilst they dip in and out as they wish.

He didn't fix things or do anything because he's irresponsible and immature.

I'm betting he moved with you from your mother in laws house and has probably moved in with the other woman.

I'm sure it's all fun and exciting and lots of sex until reality sets in and the other woman realises she's now stuck with a lazy twat who doesn't pull his weight and isn't capable of "adulting" and you can bet he expects her to do all of the "woman's work" when he has the kids too.

Believe me the grass isn't greener on the other side and usually smells of bullshit.Don't be jealous of the OW of hateful because she's done you an absolute enormous favour by taking him off your hands.He's sloppy defective seconds.

You absolutely do not want him back.I understand that right now you're absolutely devastated and grieving for the loss of your marriage and things are very difficult right now but you can and will get by eventually.You need time to process this and heal.

@wickerbasketss

Your husband sounds like a Arsehole !

You are far better off without this waste of fucking space op.

You have so much going for you,
You possess intelligence,you are very capable, and very strong emotionally, being that you have been like single parent, and having a shit husband as this,was like having a extra child to look after too.

See this ,as a period of transition in your life,amongst the emotional confusion,chaos.

Just ensure you take care of yourself,
Usual thing,eat healthy,
have a pampe spa session at home
Meditation can be beneficial for dealing with stress,its free ,(you can feel the benefits in matter of 10-15 mins,
Meditation benefits aswell are that it helps people to think with better clarity.
On internet there is good mediations sounds to listen to.
watch funny comedy TV shows and funny comedians on TV.
Listen to good music.
Read books that you enjoy.
Walk amongst nature.
Star gazing good thing to do.
Take care xxx

@wickerbasketss

I was having a wobble last night when I post that and I really appreciate all of your posts . Sometimes I felt Like it was my fault. I crawled out of that marriage absolutely exhausted and yes life is so much easier now but he would say it was my fault that he had an affair and left . That can really do a number on us can't they??

Let him say what he likes.

The best news is that he's gone.

Thank you for such. Kind and uplifting message x

@wickerbasketss

See this transition phrase of your life as a adventure .

Also look into trying out hobbies,interests that you have either put on the back burner,ones you used to.

And also have a go at trying out doing new interests that you always been curious about op, it does not matter if you are not brilliant at doing these new interests does it.
Just that they are fun.

Explore looking at internet to thave a go at discover new interests, such as a workshops, new courses for e.g learning a foreign language to go on holiday etc.

Also doing creative arts is good thing to get into for well being like active meditation feeling.
This will be a far better time for you once the dust settles op.

Best of the luck
You deserve it op.

Good luck OP thank your lucky stars you got shot of him, life becomes normal no matter what the situation he is a lazy pig.

Celebrate the fact your no longer seething at his laziness you can get on with thing, release of a mental load. Bottoms up

Your fault!? He'd mentally & very obviously checked out of your marriage. You are well rid. You sound great. Find someone who appreciates & celebrates you.

Thanks for all the kind replies

Not your fault. No one is perfect but it sounds like you did your best. Try not to blame yourself. He sounds like the type of guy who would have cheated no matter what. Hope you are ok

Stay strong OP. You are much better off without him. Best of luck for a much brighter future.