Is she checking up on me?

[Dancingtoyourheartbeat]

Mil has been on the phone tonight and I feel a bit uneasy with a comment she made, I feel like she's checking up on me.
This lockdown myself and dd dad decided that I would bubble with my mum ( I am also my mums carer ) and that we wouldn't meet anyone for walks this time due to the different strain we told mil that we aren't going to do walks etc - dd doesn't understand the 2 metre rule etc and mil asks me if she can kiss dd etc, fil is quite frail and needs to shield due to age and illness so there's extra worry there, but tonight mil has said to partner " has dancing been anywhere " not how Is dancing or how's dancing doing with the new lockdown etc just asked if I had been out anywhere, we have quite a strained relationship she's been quite unfair to me in the past, I feel like she's checking up to see if I'm singling her out ? I'm not I'm sticking to the rules amd only seeing my mil, the last lockdown my dsis had her baby and I did baby sit for her ( obviously she can't leave the kids on there own ) but mil went through dd to ask if we had seen the baby again, tonight was have I been anywhere ? does it sound like she's checking up to see if I'm mixing and not seeing her ?

Tbh it sounds like you’re being sensitive due to the history. We get asked if we’ve been anywhere to see if we’ve had any different walks.

So your husband needs to put her straight.

She didn't ask how I was or anything like that it was just have I been anywhere! Partner won't see no wrong in it he will say she was taking an interest 🤦‍♀️

Yes it does

I'm not sure it'd bother me really though. It sounds as though she's really missing her GC and as you say, you do have a strained relationship.

I wouldn't give it another thought really and just file it under 'a bit annoying'.

When said no were in a lockdown she said oh I meant to the shops but she knows partner does the shopping

She also knows I won't take dd in the shops at the moment

Don't make it a war. Think the best. Warm up the relationship. And understand her rejected feelings.

What do you mean her rejected feelings?

What do you mean her rejected feelings?

She wants to see her granddaughter and can't and it's upsetting. Just let this go, you all have cabin fever

I wouldnt think anything of that comment

Most likely she is. She doesn't get to see her granddaughter when you mum gets to see regularly.

She is insecure and wondering whether this is an arrangement that suits you. Considering you don't seem to care for her much, she might indeed be correct.

If you are indeed sticking to the rules 100% and have not met on a walk with anyone, you can have a good conscience that she is not being individually secluded.

What are you going to do if she was checking up?

Nothing I can do lol, just find it a bit weird to ask if I've been anywhere.

Yes I understand she misses her grandchild, we've had 2 babies born and not able to see them for a while but I'm not checking up on them to see if they've been anywhere.

Also yes my mum sees dd regularly but she is single and I am her carer so I'm in a support bubble with her. What am I suppose to do leave my mum on her own in case it upsets his mum who has work and her husband !

No, I understand your choice, but it still leaves her out and it's understandable that she feels left out. Imagine if you were bubbling with her because she was more in need of it, how your mum would feel.

Honestly I wouldn't be rushing back into much contact when it's possible. Whatever about asking your DP, checking up on you through your DC is wrong.
What's she gonna do if your meeting half the neighbourhood for walks anyway? She can't make you meet her.
When that kind of thing is allowed again I'd be sending your DP with DC and say you need to get on with housework or calling to your own mum.
And remember to never talk about her in your DCs hearing, or change her name to Beryl or something.

I wouldn’t think she was but you know her better.

Several people have asked me about my plans for the weekend. I think it’s just ingrained politeness and habit rather than them checking up.

I think a bit of empathy would go along way, but you seem reluctant to even try to see it from her point of view, just label her unreasonable.

It is unreasonable - the whole situation is - but we've just got to get on with it. Your mum gets to see her grandchild, but MIL doesn't. You aren't doing anything wrong, the rules are the rules, but from her point of view, it hurts. It isn't a matter of blame, but she will be upset, it's a fact. I would try and cut her a bit of slack.

As for other poster's suggestion of continuing this when lockdown finally ends, again, at least try to see it from her side.

And people do ask inane questions quite innocently - "What have your been up to?", knowing full well the answer is incredibly likely to be "Absolutely fuck all." There would be very short conversations otherwise.

@ScrapThatThen

Don't make it a war. Think the best. Warm up the relationship. And understand her rejected feelings.

Even if she was sounding out to see if you’ve been anywhere else, does it really matter. She hasn’t seen her gd and presumably her son for a long time, and who knows how long. She feels rejected, unwanted and unloved.

She had a husband whose frail, give the woman a break.

Honestly I wouldn't be rushing back into much contact when it's possible. Whatever about asking your DP, checking up on you through your DC is wrong.
For goodness sake, why isolate her more! She’s sad and lonely. She just wants to be part of her families live.

Did you hear your mil ask your partner or did your partner tell you she said that? Just wondering how the conversation went. For example me speaking to pretty much everyone at the moment 'have you been up to much or been anywhere?" Other person "no just work as usual", me "partner been anywhere done anything" other person "yes took the kids to the park and specsavers"

@imnottoofussed it was out of the blue on video call she asked if I was there said hello and that was it was chatting to partner nothing to do with what we've been up to it was pretty much as they were saying bye

@imnottoofussed she said has dancing been anywhere? Nothing else was asked or said about me just that

Ah ok well yes she was probably checking up on you but I expect she's feeling left out. I wouldn't give it too much extra thought and let it go

I've never made her feel left out by doing anything, we couldn't bubble with her anyway as it's law now isn't it I could get fined as she isn't single ( my dm is single and I am her carer ) she may feel left out but it's not me making the rules, so frustrating because it feels like she's seeing if I'll break the rules for others and not her when that's not the case x.