To think no-one else can be as indecisive as me?

[YesNoDontKnow]

I frustrate myself so much. I never know what I want, who I am, what I want to do in life, whether I should or shouldn’t do something. I have no idea how to make smart decisions. I am a fully grown adult with no career, (jump from job to job) hardly any qualifications, (have started so many and completed very few), no partner (partly because I don’t trust myself to pick a decent one). I always seem to be starting and stalling. I get big ideas and then talk myself out of them. There are things I would like to do career wise but I’ve wasted so much money over the years on different courses and training and not stayed in that field so I don’t want to do the same again. I feel like I’m CD that keeps jumping. I feel stuck.

How on earth do I sort myself out? Or at least someone tell me they are the same?

I'm not sure, what do you think?

That doesn't sound like indecision, more not wanting to commit.

I had a great idea about how you can sort yourself out, but I am not so sure about it now

Oh, I don't know. It's possible, but on the other hand...

There is definitely fear of commitment too tied in with the indecision. I just never know if what I’m thinking of doing is the right thing or worth it or a huge mistake.

I think I may have posted on the wrong board

@YesNoDontKnow

I think I may have posted on the wrong board

Hmm, I'm not sure about that

Seriously I think you have to persuade yourself that there is not a right or wrong answer here...you just need to work out a way to pick one thing and stick with it. As long as each career idea is a sensible achievable thing (ie not to become a
World class athlete or something fanciful), then just pick one and stick with it. Whichever you choose will work out okay, don’t let trying to find the perfect thing stop you from doing something. I heard someone saying the other day, doing something not very well is better than doing nothing the vast majority of times. Is a similar thing, don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

That doesn't sound like indecision to me. But not sticking at things and seeing things through seems to be the problem. I am a bit not so much indecisive but postpone making decisions. In other words I decide not to make a decision.

I'm like this but I don't even start any courses. I just think about them whilst gazing at my shoes

Yes I need to pick something and stick with it. I’m not sure why I have so much trouble with this, either deciding what to do or sticking with things. And yes I put off making decisions out of fear of making the wrong decision so I do nothing and just stay where I am.

I do not think you are the most indecisive person. I bet that the Prime Minister is more indecisive for starters, if his non-responsiveness to the pandemic is a guide.

Excellent point! although being less indecisive than BJ isn’t exactly an achievement!

What are you like at sticking to smaller projects?

How small?

I have a really short attention span.

I think you have anxiety ie at a level that is interfering with your functioning. Fear of making the wrong decision is paralysing. Worth taking it up with a psychologist perhaps?

It doesnt sound like indecision. It sounds like you start something then lose interest or don't want to do the required work. Does anything fascinate you? That could be something you would stick at. I was a bit the same work wise til I retrained in something that was a personal interest anyway. The bouncing from job to job is a thing of the past, I found my niche.

You sound like you have problems with executive functioning. Do you struggle to get out the door on time because you have to go back for your mask, and then for your wallet, and when you get to the shop, you've left your shopping list behind?
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my forties and have come to understand so much more about why my career looks like such a mess.
There are lots of reasons why you might have an executive function disorder, so I'm not going to try and diagnose you on the basis of one post, but if you are struggling with life so much, there's probably a reason for it.

Yes stoking at things is definitely and issue but indecision is a big problem too. It’s both of them.

Does anything fascinate you?

No. I’ve never ever known what I wanted to do. Not even as a child. I never had anything that I really loved or wanted to pursue.

Do you struggle to get out the door on time because you have to go back for your mask, and then for your wallet, and when you get to the shop, you've left your shopping list behind?

I’m always late, but not because I forget things but because I always underestimate the time it will take to get ready or do what I have to do before leaving. I’m actually quite organised physically in that I have a set place for my handbag, keys, mask, shoes etc I have all the things I need in my bag, everything is always where it needs to be, I’m religious about that. I suppose maybe that’s something I’ve created to stop me forgetting?

ADHD has been suggested to me several times. I haven’t pursued a diagnosis as it takes so long, I’ve already been through the process with my child who has it. I can’t afford to have a private assessment.

Have you managed to improve things since you had your diagnosis @Allfednonedead?

I am a bit like this although not to the extent you describe. I have a successful life/career. Most people come to me for decisions/advice (the irony!). But I over analyse everything, I seek knowledge about everything and that makes me overthink!. Decision making is excruciating for me, and I rethink my decisions a lot. But I don't always change them. Sometimes I do.

For example when buying a house I put in offers and withdrew 3 times. Then went back and bought one of those houses.

What I have slowly practised is deciding which are the big decisions (so allowing myself to agonise) and which are the small ones (so forcing myself to be quick and stick to the decision).

I'd say choose your battles. Start with the small decisions and work your way to the big ones. Give yourself a fixed amount of time to decide, stick to the decision and don't allow yourself to backtrack after that. Write it down or share it with someone so you are compelled to follow through. Hope this helps..

ADHD strategies work without a diagnostic too you know. some really helpful websites, but remember small singular steps introduced one at a time rather than the ADHD method of overhauling our complete lifestyle in one go and giving up cos it's too much.

If you always underestimate how long it takes to get ready, you start half hour earlier - each and every time. No excuses. Set alarms and jump to it when they go off (no "I'll do it in a minute"). Short attention spans often need frequent short breaks rather than trying to power through. 15 minute concentration then 5 minutes break - all alarmed of course. Everything I do in the kitchen needs alarms - baked beans go up in flames if you 'just pop to the other room for a second' and then forget.

The organisated handbag is a definite ADHD strategy. I have one handbag with lots of pockets and everything has a specific pocket. Over the shoulder bags work for me or I spend my life wandering around shops trying to find where I put my bag down. My keys are actually attached to it on a cord!

I have a morning regime I stick to religiously. If I don't, I get to the bus stop and remember I haven't brushed my teeth.

Be warned that menopause (realise this is a long way off for you) is known to exasperate ADHD symptoms for women. I went to doctor for HRT and she told me most of my symptoms were actually ADHD made worse by menopause and therefore my usual coping (badly) mechanisms were no longer enough. Waiting for diagnosis at the moment (will take 3 years or more now because of covid) - really really wish I'd got myself on the waiting list years ago - the things I could have achieved!

I agree with someone who mentioned executive functioning problems. You need to find strategies to help you. I can see good suggestions about timers and strict regimes.

Huh. I thought I posted yesterday - I wrote a big long post, but it hasn't appeared.
Anyway, PPs have said it all really. You don't need an official dx to read about ADHD and decide whether suggested coping strategies might help.
For me, medication helps a LOT, but because I'm heading towards menopause, plus lockdown with three small children, life is still a struggle.
I think if I'd been diagnosed earlier, my life would have been better, but who knows?
Btw, time blindness as you describe it is a classic ADHD symptom.

I put off making decisions out of fear of making the wrong decision so I do nothing and just stay where I am.

This is me. I remember trying to explain to my old boss that I have a complete aversion to making any decisions about me personally, for fear of them being wrong.

She was completely incredulous because I made decisions every day at work. I was a low level employee (largely because I can never decide what I want to do!) but my decisions had a company wide impact. I was totally fine with that.

The subject came up, because I was telling her I was pregnant - she was surprised because I had been engaged for a couple of years and in the back of her mind she was expecting a wedding first. I explained I hadn't got married because I couldn't decide on anything - dress, venue, date, style, church or not - for fear of choosing wrong and regretting it later.

I know getting pregnant is a bigger decision, but because of some other stuff it had got to 'now or never' point. I knew I wanted children one day, and I ran out of days!

So you're not alone OP. However, I have diagnosed anxiety and assume it's something to do with that!

Oh, and DD is 4.

I'm still not married!