Friends forgot funeral and bday

[Emily639]

Not sure if I’m just being over sensitive or not. But my mum died and her funeral (zoom 🙄) was last week. I told 4 of my closest friends but none of them text me on the day to say “thinking of you” or anything 😔 I get it, people are struggling with their own issues (wft/homeschooling etc). But my 2 closest friends haven’t even called me/text since her death at Christmas to see how I am. Then yesterday was my birthday and again these “2 close friends” forgot it, haven’t heard anything from them. I feel so let down. I’ve been there for them through deaths of their parents, divorce etc but when I’m going through stuff they have gone completely silent. I’m not sure what to do. AIBU?

I’m sorry for your loss and happy birthday for yesterday it’s shit that your friends have treated you like that I would just forget about them they aren’t friends if they think it’s ok to treat you like that at a time like this

I had this situation last October my nan who was just like a parent died days before my birthday and my best friend didn't wish me happy birthday and when I txt to apologise for being quiet and explained what had happened she didn't txt me again at all. The friendship is over. I don't wish to argue or cause upset but that's not how I treat my friends and I don't have the energy to be someone else's cheerleader with nothing in return.

I'm sorry you've had a loss and hope you find a way to come out of this

Thank you so much everybody, you’ve all really lifted my spirits and I feel so supported. Thank you 🙏 xx

I am so sorry for your loss, and happy birthday. That sounds crap, I can’t explain why people behave like this, but it says more about them than you.

Happy belated birthday too, I'm glad you're feeling better.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your DM.

As a couple of PPs have said, a lot of people don’t know what to say and end up saying nothing. But it’s always much better to say the wrong thing than to say nothing at all. But a lot of people (especially those who have never been through a bereavement) really don’t get this.

Are they supportive friends usually? Or do they have form for being flaky and only wanting to talk about themselves? If the former, it should be possible to say something to them, maybe after the dust has settled, how their silence made you feel. A close friendship is one where you can be open with each other.

Happy belated birthday as well.

So sorry for your loss OP. I'd be reconsidering those friendships I think.
Selfish gits.
Thinking of you.

Oh I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine how lonely you must be feeling to go through all of that and to have your friends not acknowledge either of these things. They may blow it off by saying that they didn’t know how to deal with your grief, but to then forget your birthday as well??? I’m aghast! I’m devastated for you.

That's terrible OP. I know people have a lot on at the minute and friendships are taking a hit, I think that's fair enough. But absolutely not in your circumstances. My dad died a couple of weeks ago and my close friends have been checking in despite being up to their eyeballs, because they're not assholes.

I don't think I'd be able to confront them about it, but would definitely be reassessing the friendship.

Sorry for your loss and happy birthday.
Seems rather mean of your friends. Maybe find some new ones ...

Your friends suck and you deserve so much better. Don't waste your time and energy on them.

So sorry to hear about your Mum .

Firstly OP, I'm sorry for your loss....

I did vote YABU though and as I'm in a vast minority I thought I'd explain....

At the present time I'm working, from work (can't do my work from home). DH is working too at work. We have two kids homeschooling. I don't qualify for furlough as there is enough work and we are allowed to continue working (think parcel delivery)....My parents are shielding, so no childcare. I have at least 4 close colleagues in the same boat - we are all "hanging on by our fingernails".....I've not been in touch with my friends. This has just prompted me to do just that....

I’m so sorry about your Mum.

Your friends have definitely not been “good friends”. 🌸

My condolences OP. In contrast to another thread on here this really is bad. I can't imagine not making an effort with a recently bereaved friend.

The advice to just go out and get new friends is not so easy, especially now, and old friends don't just grow on trees

So sorry for your loss! Happy Birthday for yesterday. Totally unacceptable for friends to treat you like this. Unless they have issues they are dealing with you are unaware of it I would be rethinking my friendship.

OP.. Did your friend's realise their mistaje and make ammends?

Sorry OP that is a bit rubbish of your friends.

When I was going through a tough time around two years ago I found I simply lost some friends because they couldn't be bothered (seemingly) to text to see how I am. It's subjective as to what is appropriate and enough. I had friends who pleasantly surprised me and those who were the opposite.

Some people simply don't know what to say or think they are doing you a favour by staying away.

With a couple of close friends I told them that they hadn't been very supportive. This wasn't in the first few days, it was months later. One of them didn't make any more effort so I decided she wasn't a real friend. The other stepped up and made more effort.

As to what to do you probably need to focus on yourself and your family and see how you feel.

You could try reaching out to your friends and letting them know you want to chat abs see if that helps.