Child contact Police saying one thing, Social Services something else

[Redruby2020]

Hi, I need some help and advice in regards to my recent situation.
So me and exP have lived apart over a year now, initially had to move out due to eviction but wasn't happy and there had been abuse. Told now exP, end of last summer I would not be going back to him. So things have been up and down since then.
I think with the time apart and feeling more powerful, and that some of his texts were getting out of hand, I reported him to the police.
Because of policies they have now with DV, he was arrested (eventually) and bailed with conditions. His next bail date just came up and he has been bailed again. Same conditions with one change and that is he can only have contact with me, if it's about our son/contact etc. The superintendent did not think there were sufficient grounds to stop ex having contact with our son.

But on the other hand I am confused, as although I had seen my SW before this bail date, they had asked me to sign an agreement that had a couple of things on it, one being they say I do not allow contact between exP and our DS until or if, exP wishes to take it to court. Their reasons are back ground events, physical, threats to harm, alcohol issues. I did not see that I could not sign, they might tell you that you don't have to, or that it's not like an official thing, for want of better words. But then if you don't agree what are the consequences as they will want to know why not, and if you sign then do differently to what it says on the form, i expect that you would be in big trouble.
I have contacted my SW to explain what police have said and where does that leave things.

I posted in Aibu for traffic, but also because in a way I'm like am I right to feel a bit confused here, and that the authorities all seem to say different things, which I understand the police won't look at child side of it like the SS do.

Any advice or experience with this most appreciated, thanks.

I would sign the SS doc. Failure to do so could be construed as you not being sufficiently committed to protecting your child from someone who could do him harm.

Bail conditions saying that he can't have contact with you unless it's to facilitate contact with the child isn't the same as the court saying that he should have contact with the child

Yes, tell social work about this, and sign the SS paperwork, and explain to your ex that, on SS advice, you can't consent to him having contact with child, and if he wishes to raise court proceedings seeking a contact order, you'll take further advice from SS

@Ohalrightthen

I would sign the SS doc. Failure to do so could be construed as you not being sufficiently committed to protecting your child from someone who could do him harm.

Thankyou so much for replying so quickly, I hope there will be more to follow. I have already signed it, the SW brought it with them, yes I think when especially they have been brought in to things because of reports etc, and you are stating abuse suffered and they are also highlighting their reasons for their instructions, of course they would say well hold on why would you not agree?! Things were up and down with exP, contact was getting difficult, and he was sometimes drinking whilst with the child which did not sit well with me. SW has met with exP and also not happy about that subject.

The police have no role in contact for your child with his father. SS do. And anyway there is no contradiction.
Sign the document and do as SS say.

The police ultimately are not the agency that will work with you about your dc.

You ex has permission to contact you regarding seeing his dc.

It would make sense for you to then follow the requirements that social services have given you regarding child contact.

So sign the document.

If your ex gets in contact with you explain you have signed a no contact prior to court mandated contact agreement with social services.

Then let him crack on with trying to organize contact via court.

@notanothertakeaway

Bail conditions saying that he can't have contact with you unless it's to facilitate contact with the child isn't the same as the court saying that he should have contact with the child

Yes, tell social work about this, and sign the SS paperwork, and explain to your ex that, on SS advice, you can't consent to him having contact with child, and if he wishes to raise court proceedings seeking a contact order, you'll take further advice from SS

Thanks for your reply. Yes agreement was signed during SW's visit. I have not had phone contact with exP since the day he was arrested, he did try to make contact via my father and for him to give me a number, as up until now the police had his regular phone. I reported that. And as the police are saying he can't have contact with me except for child, then I am now wondering if he gets his phone back will I start hearing from him. You do feel sometimes gagged like you don't know what to say and being told off by the other!

I have sent a message to my SW and will await to hear from them.

Tried getting advice from a solicitor, they are busy and only take details down to then pass on that is only then to see if they can take on your case!
I was directed towards them in terms of child maintenance but just been told that the solicitor wouldn't deal with that.
So am I right that if previous discussions with exP have lead me nowhere that I can go ahead and apply to the child support agency?

@snowliving

The police ultimately are not the agency that will work with you about your dc.

You ex has permission to contact you regarding seeing his dc.

It would make sense for you to then follow the requirements that social services have given you regarding child contact.

So sign the document.

If your ex gets in contact with you explain you have signed a no contact prior to court mandated contact agreement with social services.

Then let him crack on with trying to organize contact via court.

This is what I was thinking. Like I've even thought oh god, if I pick the phone up to him will I be in trouble! But I guess there is nothing stopping him doing so because he will know he can if he sticks to the rules.

I don't think SW and I discussed the exact point of what to do if exP contacts me, but he did say as an example if exP tried to through someone else, simply that SS have instructed no further contact and to apply for court if he so wishes.

I mean what happens if we bump in to him, we have prior to this, the child saw his father and they approached one another which you would expect. I guess as I am there it's not like you've planned a day out and are saying oh well it was okay cause I was there. They literally spoke for a few minutes and that was that. Of course as I told myself that day, if he got shitty I would of called the police.

redruby th chances of you bumping into your ex is very slim. Remember we're in the middle of a pandemic and no one is out much. We will be in lock down for a whilst longer. If you are not safe with your ex then your DC will not be either. No contact is no contact. No looking for ways around this. If he calls you then you hang up, then call Police and ss.

@ludothedog

redruby th chances of you bumping into your ex is very slim. Remember we're in the middle of a pandemic and no one is out much. We will be in lock down for a whilst longer. If you are not safe with your ex then your DC will not be either. No contact is no contact. No looking for ways around this. If he calls you then you hang up, then call Police and ss.

You're kidding, we saw him already as mentioned above, we live in the same town. The thing is the police have said he can contact only for child reasons, you see it's me still worrying about someone who I shouldn't be and thinking it through too much! I will have to wait to hear what the SW says.