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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Safeguarding Homeschooling

70 replies

Instagram · 28/01/2021 11:18

Listening into one my children’s online lessons and have heard quite concerning incidents regarding one child.
Today there was a power cut and said child expressed that he was scared as to what had happened and sounded petrified. The teacher told him to tell his mum but he has said he cannot as she doesn’t like homeschooling and he is to stay in his bedroom. The teacher said she would phone him and send someone round if need be. He must have contacted his mum as a chat message said ‘sorry my mum missed the call’.
Is it not standard for a mother to check on their child if there is a power cut (first we have had in this area in many years) or the child should not feel too scared to ask their mum what’s happening.
The mum is a very strict/standoffish person, she will shout and grab her toddler far too harshly for a minor issue.
Her son (8) is a very emotional child and seeks attention from the teachers, I feel so much for him as I think he would be so much safer in school!
I daren’t highlight the issue to school as the child has the same surname as the head teacher.
Please reassure me that there are procedures in place for vulnerable children other than at the headteachers’ discretion. It is an independent school too whether that affects things.

OP posts:
CluelessDIY · 28/01/2021 18:32

@notanothertakeaway

As an aside, you were listening in to your child's lesson. I think that is a potential safeguarding concern. What is the school's policy on that?
That's a daft comment - most primary school online learning policies require an adult to be there - want to you want them to do, wear ear muffs?!
Nomnomarrgh · 28/01/2021 18:34

@notanothertakeaway what is wrong with listening in on your child’s lesson?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 28/01/2021 18:35

If he has a SW then he should be in school as a 'vulnerable'. Definitely raise your concerns and I agree you should not be talking about him or his family with others.
@notanothertakeaway, don't you listen into your child's lessons, if you have any?

Instagram · 28/01/2021 18:40

I was informed by some other mums that the mum is struggling with her mental health. She has been trying to get a diagnosis (not sure what for) for the child and had to appeal etc and she is struggling to cope with lockdown. She would often just have one child on the school run as she was struggling then too.
One of the group I spoke to said she will mention it to a staff member she knows.
I really do think that she would be under the radar already now I am aware of all this.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 28/01/2021 18:42

Problem with safeguarding can be that everyone assumes someone else will report.

Report to DSL

Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:43

As someone who works in safeguarding, struggling with mental health does not mean she is on a ‘radar’.

Goneroundthetwist · 28/01/2021 18:44

I think this has all gone totally over the top. The school and teacher will be making a safeguarding referral if need be.... they were there and have a statutory duty to do so if concerned. Bonkers 🧐

Callingallskeletons · 28/01/2021 18:45

@Instagram

I have decided not to escalate my concerns as I spoke online with some other parents whom have informed me that social services have previously been involved when the child was at nursery. Not sure how it all works but I’m sure there would be some kind of ongoing checks for the boy’s well-being in place. Smile
Unfortunately this is very rarely the case OP If there were concerns at nursery age and again now 4/5 years later than would be a red flag to me

If in your gut you feel uneasy about this you should report it

WINKINGatyourage · 28/01/2021 18:45

One of the group I spoke to said she will mention it to a staff member she knows.

Aye, pass the buck. Hmm

Ffs Op, what is your actual issue with lifting the phone and expressing your concern?

Emmie2021 · 28/01/2021 18:46

OP please raise your concerns

This fin lockdown , we are causing such harm to our young people in many ways

Emmie2021 · 28/01/2021 18:49

The stress levels of having children at gone all the time , juggling work , online learning - it’s going to have untold consequences . I’m usually quite a relaxed parent but have found it challenging having mine at home already, mainly due to crap weather - and they are older and have fantastic live secondary school lessons

unmarkedbythat · 28/01/2021 18:49

I really do think that she would be under the radar already

Stop making assumptions. How hard is it for you to make a phone call or send an email to the school's DSL? It would have taken you less time and effort than making this thread and replying to it has done already.

@Goneroundthetwist I think this has all gone totally over the top. The school and teacher will be making a safeguarding referral if need be.... they were there and have a statutory duty to do so if concerned. Bonkers
It's attitudes like this that lead to serious case reviews. Time and time again people don't act because they assume that someone else has. Safeguarding is everyone's business.

Instagram · 28/01/2021 18:54

Just realized that the child isn’t in school so wouldn’t be classed as vulnerable.
I do listen in to the teacher as I have a small open plan living space so can’t not hear it!
My issue with not wanting to contact school was the surname being the same as the head teacher. If they are related then she isn’t goin to be overly pleased with me highlighting this.

I will make an anonymous statement to children’s services.

OP posts:
Instagram · 28/01/2021 18:56

Also the head teacher is designated safeguard lead!

OP posts:
MissMarpleDarling · 28/01/2021 18:59

Don't be so sure they are keeping an eye on her OP. If they were worried the child would be in school so do express your concerns.

Goneroundthetwist · 28/01/2021 19:02

I’ve made many safeguarding referrals and been part of case reviews in my role ... literally the lights went out ... in daylight and the child was scared... most kids are scared in a power cut... electric probably ran out...

If your concerned report it to the school....

AStudyinPink · 28/01/2021 19:04

Crikey. Best just leave it then. Hmm

LouLou198 · 28/01/2021 19:05

@ineedaholidaynow

Problem with safeguarding can be that everyone assumes someone else will report.

Report to DSL

This. I would be even more inclined to report if social services have been involved in the past. They don't keep cases open forever.
Changemaname1 · 28/01/2021 19:11

Not trying to be goady but what is it you are actually reporting ? The teacher was present for the incident ?

SionnachRua · 28/01/2021 19:13

God I want to reach through the screen and shake you. Stop gossiping with other parents. Stop passing the buck to others. Just contact the damn school if you've a concern. It would take you less time than this thread has.

Disneyforever1974 · 28/01/2021 19:14

A lot of this seems to judgment of the mother and gossip/hearsay. If you are genuinely concerned about this boy you would report it to the school whether the headmistress has the same name or not.

Teach234 · 28/01/2021 19:20

Honestly why did you even bother asking ? Yes YABU and your gossiping to your friends about it. You should have just done that in the first place.
Also so you are aware just because they aren't in school doesn't mean the child is not vulnerable.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/01/2021 19:24

If you have a concern about a family you talk to the school, you don’t gossip to other families

Inpersuitofhappiness · 28/01/2021 19:27

So a few things,

Not normal for a child to be too scared to ask their mum when there's a bloody power outage. I've been ill recently, often flake out if I sit down, DD would still come and talk to me if there was a problem with the power (has been a few issues, water was off for routine maintenance a few wks ago, have lost power and Internet due to cables on local building projects, all times I've either shouted to her, usually something like Is your Internet off? Switch your phone to WiFi or have you lost power too?!

General normal stuff, but this is how parents and their kids are expected to communicate in these type of situations. Not to be scared but not feel you can turn to your mother at that moment.

What you mention about this child's general personality id worry too.

I also want to say, social services come in, offer support if you need it, then they go. Its highly unlikely that this child is on anyone but maybe the teacher from todays radar.

I get that she has MH issues, and I'd maybe excuse one instance of thinking, she's stressed, she's struggling, ok I can understand x/y/z but the bigger picture seems to be that this child is;
Nervous,
Scared,
Unable to turn to his mother in times where he should be given some sort of reassurance and care (we all know how our kids will deal with a bump in the road, and you act accordingly don't you?),
You've seen her regularly stressed,
You've seen her be a bit rough with her toddler.

Theres a few of you obviously concerned. Please report. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, speak with the teacher who was in the lesson you heard.

Instagram · 28/01/2021 19:34

It was kind of impossible not to talk about it as everyone in the group was equally concerned as there was a child saying they were scared and crying hysterically but he said he was not able to goto his mum as she isn’t happy about him homeschooling!
Be fair there was only three other mums chatting about it amongst other things on a private group.

But the teacher did say they could send someone round and help him if he needed so with hindsight they are aware.

OP posts:
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