AIBU? Finding it so difficult to process my feelings and move on.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

Long story short my first boyfriend and father of my eldest DS cheated on me in a pretty horrific way.

He had a (I think, I'll never know the truth 100%) year long affair with a mutual male friend of ours.

I found out after the affair had already ended, its been 10 or so years now and my life has moved on massively although I'd be lying if I said my confidence ever fully recovered.

I've very recently found out that my entire friendship group knew (5 of us in total, one of which is also my cousin). I honestly feel so betrayed. I know it was a long time ago and I should be fine with it now but as I've only just found out it all feels so fresh.

The only excuse I've had so far is that they didn't think it was their place to tell me. There is no doubt that I would have believe them had I been told. They just simply didn't want to get involved. I honestly feel sick and so so stupid. Everyone must have thought I was such a fool.

I think I also feel resentful as it wasn't a good relationship anyway but I felt trapped as I was young and we had a baby together, I genuinely thought that was my lot and no one else would ever want me. Had I have known then I would have had no choice but to end the relationship (which is what I did when I eventually found out) and I would have been able to move on much sooner.

I'm sorry for rambling. I'm genuinely hurting so much and just want someone to tell me I'm not being silly I guess?

You're not silly. You suffered massive betrayal in lots of ways. Anyone would be deeply wounded by this.

Have you considered therapy to help you unpick all your feelings?

@CrotchBurn thank you for your reply.

I have actual had some in the past due to some work place bullying which eventually did touch ever so slightly on my past. I'd run out of sessions by that point and was told to refer myself back in because I would definitely benefit from it but we were in the middle of moving and life was hectic so I just never did.

I definitely think you're right though and it would help now.

Yeah big time. You need someone to help you accept what happened. Don't be too hard on yourself 💐

I’m so sorry for you.
I would feel the same, even years later.
I think they were out of order not telling you but I doubt they’d have thought you were a fool. They were probably busy fighting with their own conscience

I can't believe your cousin didn't tell you! Honestly I completely understand how betrayed you must feel.
You'd have to be a bloody saint to not have an emotional whirlwind going on finding that out.
I second counselling, and even just writing it down now. Get it all out of you to start with and then you can work on making sense of it.
But don't feel silly for having strong feelings about it. Very few people wouldn't.

Oh no, I can understand how you feel.

As for the friends though, that is a tough one. I can appreciate their position. It is a common thread topic/advice column question and what can a friend do in this situation, and the advice is always don't get involved. You say you would have definitely believed them and dumped him, but they didnt know that and even you don't know that for sure. A lot of people haven't acted that way and have shot the messenger instead.

I doubt they would have thought you were a fool though. They were probably torn up about it but didn't know what to do.

Compassionate enquiry might be helpful to look up. Good luck 💐

Thank you so much for all of your lovely replies.

I know Mumsnet can be quite brutally honest and harsh at times but I'm really glad I posted.

I'll definitely be looking into ways I can help myself with these feelings. I really do have a lovely life now with a wonderful DH and two more DC as well and my eldest (who is honestly just the best kid and I feel so lucky to have him).

You all helped me massively.