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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I feel so worthless

12 replies

Dee261 · 27/01/2021 20:45

I have no idea where to start with this and I am sorry in advance because I think now that I have started typing I don’t think I will blooming stop because it’s going to make it all just come to the forefront of my mind.
Me and my well I don’t know what he is was supposed to be fiancé however for the last year maybe even before that he has felt like a friend that chats when it suits him.
Rewind and we moved in together quite fast and then got engaged and we did have a good few years but then things started to change his mum took unwell and he was a mummies boy and at first I actual admired him for how much he cared for his mum and thought that it showed a gentle side to him.
Long story short no he actual just relied on his mum to fall back on when he needed money as he had become addicted to prescription drugs and when he got his medication from the doctors every week he would have them took in a few days and then started buying them from street dealers and as he didn’t work his mum was funding this crazy I know a grown man who’s mum is feeding his addiction.
His mum passed away and not long after his dad passed with Covid and their home was left and he decided that he was staying there while things were getting sorted and he felt closer to them there and it was supposed to be helping him grieve being there.
He was coming to our home on a Friday and was leaving again on a Sunday so I was a part time partner or not even that he came and as I am working from home and my hours are triple what they normally are there was times that I would be working and he would be playing his computer so still not really spending any time together.
He would sleep on the couch also so we became more friends without any benefits.
The last week he was not phoning me as much and then it was just to order him dinner and then tonight it has all blown up so he has been drinking (was a recovering alcoholic) had 14 years sober but he has been drinking every week from a Tuesday to a Friday because he runs out of his prescription and says this is the only way that he can cope with panicking and anxiety.
He has admitted tonight that he has been taking cocaine this week and sorry but someone with anxiety surely wouldn’t want the feelings that this drug gives of you google what it does.
He told me that he had not been drinking earlier then called me to order him food and I could tell right away that he had and it’s all just escalated from there I am done so over it all and him.
I feel like all I do is get stress from him he has now blocked me because I refused to order him dinner after hearing that he has been drinking and taking drugs and then all I got was it’s all my fault we are not working out and good riddance to me out his life.
I could keep going but I am sitting here crying because I would never see anyone without something to eat I can’t get through to him he has blocked me and he has actual made me feel like a nothing well he had already done that this is not a new feeling I just tolerated it all because I knew that he was ok if he checked in with me.
I did say to him that he will need my bank details because he owes me money and he was like can you prove it.
I am not saying I am perfect but I never talk down to him always put him first and this is what I get I am so done with it all and so so sorry for this rant and a half but I have no one in my life at all now no family nothing and he knows this but does not care.

OP posts:
Iwantamarshmallowman · 27/01/2021 20:53

You are not worthless. He is toxic. You are better off alone than with somone who uses and abuses you. Block his number, change the locks and move on.

Dee261 · 27/01/2021 20:58

@Iwantamarshmallowman thank you and the 1 saving grace is that he does not have a key he lost his and I had to get the locks changed and he has never had a spare since. I can’t believe I am sitting here actual destroying myself because he has not had dinner when I have not eaten in days because of the stress he has caused me and he will sure as heck not be doing the same over me.
You are 100% right he is toxic thank you 💞

OP posts:
NanuNanuM · 27/01/2021 21:07

You aren't worthless. He is taking full advantage of you and only giving you grief. Cut him out now. And if you weaken re-reaf what you wrote about him. As reminder he's screwing over your life.

His addictions are not going to give this a happy ending. You deserve more.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 27/01/2021 21:10

You're welcome. Toxic nassasistic people have a way of making you feel guilty for their bad behaviour. The only way to make them stop is to walk away. He's done you a favour in blocking you and ending things but I garentee he will unblock you soon enough when he wants to scrounge off you again. Just imagine the look on his face when he unblocks your number to find himself blocked and if you struggle with keeping him blocked just read your post back to remind yourself why you blocked him.

Dee261 · 27/01/2021 21:27

Thank you @NanuNanuM and @Iwantamarshmallowman your both correct when I started writing I was like OMG why have I let this get so bad and this isn’t even half the things honestly he is a narcissist if ever there was one and I am so angry at myself for letting him do what he has to me and then me still feeling guilty over him not having a dinner tonight 🙈.
Maybe make him realise that he should have used his money more wisely than drink and drugs in the future however I doubt it 😏

OP posts:
Vtech · 27/01/2021 21:57

God, who gives a shit if he’s had dinner? Even if he absolutely can’t make himself a slice of toast or something he won’t starve for the sake of missing one meal.

You are so much better off without this toxic man Flowers

mrwalkensir · 27/01/2021 22:20

Your partner should be a good friend/companion and somebody that you fancy. You deserve much much better. If a friend of yours described a relationship like this, you'd be boggling at why they put up with it xxx

Dee261 · 28/01/2021 15:59

Thanks everyone who took the time to actual make me realise what I knew but just couldn’t admit he is a narcissist who does not give a shit who he hurts all for his own gain.

OP posts:
Dee261 · 08/02/2021 08:12

So update I have not heard from him at all and did not try and contact him until last night and I am hating myself for it!
I contacted him via text message did not expect it to be received via him but wanted to do it so I had proof I had tried to as I messaged him to say when is he able to get his belongings that he has as mine and if I do not hear back within 1 week then I would presume that he didn’t want them.

I got a reply saying that he is good only wants 2 things 1 being a bible that has been in his family for years (yeah he is loving a good bible life right now) 😏.
Another is a picture that his brother gave me of his mother for my Christmas after she passed away.
I messaged him back and said I was not arguing over his belongings and just leave it and that the pic was a gift to me and I would be keeping it as subject to what he thinks me and his mum had a great relationship and I was by her side all through her cancer treatment where as he was out getting coked up all truth comes out in the end but he thinks he was the loving fucking son when he wasn’t at all he was a selfish asshole!
So went on a rant so I got a message back saying that it is weird af that I want to keep his mums picture why I was in their lives for years loved her beyond words and heartbroken she isn’t here anymore but just said to him that is his opinion not mine and again said not arguing with him over it.
Nothing back and not I feel like shit again it just confirmed that he never seen me as anything other than a walking bank and that I was never in his head part of the “family”!

OP posts:
HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 08:38

You're well rid OP. He sounds like an utter waste of space.

Dee261 · 08/02/2021 12:32

@HitchFlix he 100% is but now I am like do I give him the picture back and just get a copy made because no matter what he thinks I loved her so much and oh I don’t know I am just all over the place again with him getting a further dig into me that was not needed at all.
I tried to be pleasant asking when he would be ok to get his clothes and then end up feeling like shit again 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
NanuNanuM · 09/02/2021 18:52

Give him the bible. Keep the photo, it was a gift to you. Tell him to get a copy off his brother and to stop being a drama queen. Then delete his number.

You really do deserve much much much better.

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