to not want my step to take only DD and DS1 away leaving DS2 behind?

[stormtrooper]

My stepmother wants to take DD 10 and DS1 8 to Spain for a week next summer, leaving DS2 (5) behind. For me leaving one behind just creates more problems than it's worth, and my view has always been all for one wherever possible. Yes he is younger, but not a baby any more and he will be acutely pissed off about it. I'd also rather they didnt take my DCs out of the country for a whole week, but would get a fire rocket if I tried to say this.

I dont really know how to negotiate this one as I have a very tricky relationship with both my father and very controlling stepmother. I dont see them very often, they never come to visit, but for some reason they seem to see their lack of contact with my DCs as being my fault. Whenever they do make plans involving DCS they seem to be over the top things like this which I'd actully rather not happen. If I try and raise any of my misgivings I get accused of being 'difficult' and of 'not letting them see the children.'

Should I just gracefully accept the invite and stop being a grump about having things on my terms? DS1 and DD will probably have a lovely time. Is it fair to leave DS2 out, or should I just shut up about 'fair' and accept that kids of different ages get different treats and privileges?

No no no! You're not being unreasonable! And you are certainly not being "a grump" about having things on your terms - they are your children and therefore your terms are the only terms that matter.

You obviously don't feel happy about the "generous" offer so you absolutely don't have to accept.

It doesn't seem to me that your parents are doing a nice thing. It all seems rather passive aggressive and controlling. Your relationship with your parents is troubled, and perhaps it will get a bit more troubled over this. The bit that matters is that YOU decide what happens with YOUR children.

FWIW - I wouldn't be happy about it either, both about 2 kids leaving the country with people I'm not thrilled about, or about leaving the little one behind.

No - you are not being unreasonable. You have 3 DCs, not 2. They have 3 GCs.

As you've said - you're littlest isn't a baby. Have they said why they won't him?

Honestly sounds like they are making a token gesture by taking away the 2 children who they think will be least trouble, ie will amuse themselves, etc.

why do they not want to take the youngest with them? like you say it not a baby anymore, seems unfair to leave him out, and i would definately not be happy about them taking the kids out of the country, YANBU, they are your children, just tell them no, or take them somewhere in this country.

i wouldnt let them only take 2, and i wouldnt let my parents (who i see a lot and get on well with) take them away for a whole week without me.

You're not being unreasonable to wish they would take all 3, but maybe it's too much for your parents/stepparents. My parents will have my older two dds but not the youngest to stay, they feel that's what they can cope with. Obviously I'd rather they took the youngest too, she's a pest on her own without her sisters to distract her. But I don't feel they should have to do so. And the older two like going away on their own.

Three is a handful, not many people can cope with all 3 of mine at once. My youngest just has to learn she can't always join in.

Did they say why they wanted to leave the little one? is it just his age?...and as Brocolli says you don't have to accept the offer..Personally I would look at it with the glass half full approach..send them away with them for a week the older ones will def. appreciate it more and spend some quality time with your little one I bet he'd love that too...I'm sure the children will be cool about it...and if your Steps are dingbats your children will ultimately work that out for themselves.