As it’s cervical cancer awareness month I’m just wondering, if I posted my experience it might help others go for their smear . Fingers crossed anyway .
I have complex gynaecological problems going back years and years, I’ve had scans, surgeries, examinations, stayed in hospital dozens of times . Majority of problems started in my late teens but some go back to childhood .
Gynaecology care isn’t always very pleasant or done with much care, and sometimes dignity can be in my experience a bit of an afterthought .
(Sometimes they’re great - I’ve had two wonderful specialists - so I’m not trying to damn the entire profession!)
I landed up with a diagnosis of PTSD eventually and very, very phobic now of the whole thing .
When my smear letter came through in 2013, age 22, I refused point blank to have anything to do with it . No way . Told my GP I wasn’t going to have one . She didn’t really question me I think knowing my history .
2016 I started having horrendous pelvic pain and bleeding. Collapsing on the floor at work in agony . Admitted back to gynae, where two doctors explained that my symptoms were suggestive of cervical cancer and I needed urgent scans and a smear/internal - they agreed my GP could do this as I trusted her, would allow her to try . Said easier to do in familiar environment and when not in severe pain .
Discharged to have an MRI, and GP rang to arrange my smear .
She said she’d block forty minutes off and go as gently as she could, all would be fine .
Appointment day absolutely terrified, floods of tears and shaking . GP was absolutely wonderful, talked me through every single thing, went very slowly, used two or three speculums rather than using largest first . Also got me to practice mindfulness/deep breathing first (and to do 54321 grounding after - which can help with flashbacks) . It was definitely painful, not just uncomfortable, but manageable and not traumatic in the way hospital stuff was .
Once done GP gave me a hug, a cup of tea; biscuits, and a prescription for painkillers .
I was very lucky to get a clear result from both scan and smear a few weeks later but got a hell of a fright realising I could have had serious problems that could have been avoided.
My next smear, new GP but this time I felt a bit more empowered (thanks to previous lovely GP!) and explained situation . New GP prescribed diazepam so suffice to say, I felt very chilled, didn’t feel any pain and actually dozed through the appointment .
I’m just posting this to say, there’s definitely options; I understand smears can be massively triggering and very, very hard but (for now) they’re the best thing we’ve got to prevent cervical cancer .
It’s worth asking for support if you need it; GP said many women ignore the letter as I did so wouldn’t necessarily be aware of eg getting a diazepam .
They don’t need to know what’s happened, they shouldn’t need to ask for you details - you can just explain you’ve experienced trauma for example .
There are very highly specialised clinics eg my body back, I think some family planning clinics or hospital clinics will do smears in exceptional cases too . I’m aware that covid19 maybe makes the choice a lot slimmer but in normal times it’s worth looking into .
It’s definitely, definitely worth pursuing all option - don’t just ignore the letter, make an appointment to talk it over first, call Jo’s Trust , see if there’s something you can do or they can change/adapt the procedure to help 