Sorry probably not aibu but it gets the most response.
Probably a long waffley one too sorry just want to get everything out.
I need help, I’ve been a terrible parent and I’m letting my kids down well mainly my 3 year old.
My 3 year old is becoming out of control but it’s fully my fault he’s had no boundaries really. After seeing a news article I realise I’ve been a passive parent (never heard of this) everything I read is me!
I didn’t start off this way but it’s what I’ve became. We’ve had a lot going on I have a 10 year old son who is disabled who’s been home most of the year now due to schools being closed. I also had a baby during this time so to make life easier my 3 year old has just been allowed to do what he wants. Mainly because his tantrums set a huge meltdown off in my older son so it’s been so whatever is going to make him happy the quickest so I can deal with the eldest or baby.
It’s breaking my heart I’ve let him down. Every single day now is a constant battle with him I ask him not to do something he tells me no and in the end I let him do it anyway. I tell him if he does something I’ve asked him not to do he’s going for a time out, then never actually take him. He won’t leave his baby brother alone climbs on top of him constantly. I honestly just dread waking up at the minute but it’s all my fault.
How do I start changing this? Have I damaged him? He’s just turned 3.
We’ve tried the last few days to make changes but because he’s been so used to doing what he wants I feel like it’s been meltdown after meltdown over the tiniest things so we’ve just gave in. I know I’m making excuses but it’s been hard to explain to him he can’t do things he sees his brother doing. For example his brother is a climber windowsills being his favourite. He is non verbal and very very minimal understanding so we’re just constantly getting him down. He lashes out when getting his nappy changed or clothes on kicks out really bad but he doesn’t understand it’s more about just keeping yourself safe then telling him off he doesn’t understand. My 3 year old sees this and obviously copies everything he does. He starting to know his brother is different but doesn’t fully get it yet.
He’s not a total monster he can be very loving. He’s clever he potty trained early with no problems, he’s a good talker and understands well.
We’ve got no routine the whole house has to go with what ever is best for eldest.
Where do I start here?
Im ashamed I actually don’t know how to parent but that’s my one job and I can’t even do that!
Do I stick with the time out but actually enforce it? I know it’s going to be hard to undo all this but can it be done? I haven’t made a monster have I?
Sorry for rambling I’m embarrassed to say to it anyone in real life just trying to get everything out
Thankyou if you’ve made it to the end!