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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance - sharing of heirlooms

49 replies

McEwan · 26/01/2021 19:22

This is more of a future problem than a real life problem and realize it’s a lucky problem. In our family we stand to inherit some heirlooms (antique paintings, furniture, clocks, etc) as well as what might be cash. My DB has announced he isn’t interested in being responsible for the heirlooms that have been in family for quite a few generations. Fair enough, but it means that we will likely inherit the heirlooms (that we wouldn’t consider sharing), and DB plans to inherit the equal sum in cash.

AIBU to think this would be unfair?

OP posts:

VeniVidiWeeWee · 26/01/2021 20:06

@Lockhart

Ever felt you're being ignored? The will is the only thing that counts.

rubybarley · 26/01/2021 20:06

you all sound like vultures

TierFourTears · 26/01/2021 20:15

The items are either wanted - in which case the other party gets an equivalent in cash - or not wanted, in which case the items are sold.

You cant have say £10,000 of jewellery and paintings, and then split the £50,000 cash equally. It needs to be seen as a 60k pot.

senua · 26/01/2021 20:15

YABU. You have to (in the absence of a Will saying otherwise) split the Estate equally, whether it is chattels or cash. If you want something that DBro doesn't then you have to buy it off him.
Suck it up. Family antiques are irreplaceable; you can never buy those years of family history.

minniemoll · 26/01/2021 20:20

Can you talk to your parents and tell them what he's said, then they can decide how they'd like to leave their estate? If it were my children, I'd say that you could have the heirlooms, then everything else would be split equally - he's had his chance.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 26/01/2021 20:26

Your brother, "I'll just be taking the cash, none of this sentimental shit for me".

What a flipping tool.

BackforGood · 26/01/2021 20:52

Why does that make him a 'tool' ? @ChocolateCherrybomb

For all we know, the OP is talking about expensive, heavy, antique furniture, and large paintings, whereas the brother might be living in a small house or flat, and have no room, or might already have his house furnished and decorated to his taste. Why would it make anyone 'a tool' to have different tastes in art and furniture from 2 or 3 generations ago ?
Also, he might be wanting the money to set up a business or buy a house or take a child to the states for pioneering medical treatment, and actually think that more 'valuable' to him than old furniture or paintings.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 26/01/2021 20:57

@backforgood

I am entitled to my opinion, same as everyone else and I don't owe YOU an explanation so you can keep angry little puzzled face for someone else, okay?

Proudboomer · 26/01/2021 21:02

My sons will inherit from me. Hopefully there will be some cash, my house, my jewellery and some personal items we could term heirlooms.
I have told them cash and house is 50/50 and my personal items they are to take turns picking an item each until everything they want is gone and anything left over is to be handed over to a set charity .
That way they don’t need to keep stuff they don’t want just because it has been in the family years.

QueenoftheAir · 26/01/2021 21:02

The heirlooms and cash are two separate categories and need splitting separately. If he doesn't want an heirloom, all well and good but he can't choose to effectively have you "buy" one off him by taking cash instead

This.

Saz12 · 26/01/2021 21:05

OP, if you’re happy to see the heirlooms sold, then DB gets half, you get half, cash split evenly.

I don’t think you should expect to get half the money and all the heirlooms. But when it comes to it, you might be disappointed to realise what the heirlooms are valued at, and/or what money there is after care homes etc are paid for.

MrsKoala · 26/01/2021 21:18

I’d be quite clear about how much the antiques etc are actually worth. As in what will you really get for them rather than what they were bought for or valued at.

H inherited loads of large antique furniture, paintings, oil lamps, chandeliers etc. Pils thought we’d get a fortune for them. They had all the receipts and valuations for them but when it came to selling them we couldn’t give them away and lots had ended up at the tip and our garage and cellar is at bursting point with stuff H can’t bring himself to skip but we have no room for.

The valuation was approx £30k but we’ve made about £2k at the most and spent £10k having the house cleared and stuff put into storage. Not may people have the space or taste for a lot of fussy, heavy antiques. So if you are giving your brother a cash equivalent do make sure it’s realistic and you could really get that amount.

Original poster

McEwan · 26/01/2021 21:37

Thanks, this is not quite a live issue as hopefully this is something to worry about a few years in the future. I just wondered what the MN’s view on the morality of it was. The heirlooms are potentially a burden and are quite magical pieces of history in themselves

OP posts:

parietal · 26/01/2021 22:04

I agree that cash and heirlooms should be split separately. If DB doesn't want his heirlooms, he has to sell them or deal with them.

I've seen my extended family negotiate several cases where furniture & heirlooms had to be split between 3 or 4 children with very different opinions.

It seems mercenary, but in the simplest case the 3 siblings had coloured stickers & could walk around the house & place their colour of sticker on the items they wanted (in turns so one couldn't pick the most expensive). Anything without a sticker at the end of the day went to auction. Other cash & assets was split equally.

NoSquirrels · 26/01/2021 22:05

You and your brother can choose to be ‘burdened’ or not, though. It’s as valid a choice to choose not to be - to say, I don’t want to keep these possessions - as it is to keep them. You probably just feel more responsibility to keep them in the family. But that doesn’t mean you should effectively profit more than 50% from the remaining estate.

It is tricky but your brother is not wrong in principle if he’d be as equally happy to see them sold as you to keep them.

Sn0tnose · 26/01/2021 22:06

I accept that it could be because the concept of inheritance is pretty alien to me (we’re all skint) but the concept of considering who gets what while that person is still alive seems so distasteful to me. Like vultures picking over the bones of a carcass.

But, imagining I’ve got a rich old aunty I don’t know about, I think you’re all being a bit crap really. You want him to take on a share of a burden he has no interest in, not sell it and share whatever cash there is with the rest of you. He wants you to hand over all the cash for him to spend, and for you to inherit things that you’ll only ever be able to look at and not benefit from. Both of you want things that are unfair to the other. You either sell the antiques and split the profits and cash, share the antiques & cash and accept that he’ll sell his, you have all the antiques and he has the equivalent cash. There are no other options.

I kind of hope your relative hears about this, thinks you’re all bloody awful and leaves all of the antiques to a museum and all the cash to charity.

Standrewsschool · 26/01/2021 22:29

I agree with above, ie, cash and heirlooms treated differently.

Cash - split evenly.
Heirlooms - he is forgoing his option by saying he doesn’t want them, so he is taking himself out of the equation regarding these.

JellyBabiesFan · 26/01/2021 22:33

If you are unwilling to sell the objects then its only fair he gets the cash.

partyatthepalace · 26/01/2021 22:41

No you should split down middle - an equal share heirlooms and cash each, then if he wants to flog his nicknacks he’ll get the same result.

BackforGood · 26/01/2021 22:51

Wow, touchy and rude ChocolateCherrybomb

The 'confused' face isn't perceived as 'angry' by posters on MN.
It is - as is clearly described at the bottom of the page - 'confused'

No, of course you are 100% entitled to whatever opinion you want, and you don't 'owe' anyone an explanation, but it is not unreasonable for other posters on a discussion board to ask why you are being rude about someone, or your reasoning for what is quite an insulting attack on someone. Up to you if you want to back an insult with any reasoned argument or not.

Yellownotblue · 26/01/2021 22:53

May I suggest using the bid/auction method? This is what my dad and his siblings did when my GM passed away.

All heirlooms/items are put to auction. Only direct heirs (the siblings) are allowed to bet. A register is kept of how much each item is being auctioned of for. At the end of the auction, a tally is taken. The total proceeds are paid for by buyers (each paying their share for the goods they won), and split equally between all siblings. So the siblings who didn’t win any lots are paid a sum of money out of the proceeds.

This worked well for them.

Alternatively, when my mother died we created lots of heirlooms and took turns to make choices (going 1-2-3-4 then 4-3-2-1 so it wasn’t the same person having first choice at every turn). Everyone seemed happy enough with what they got. I know some of my siblings immediately sold their lots, which is fair game as it was theirs to do whatever they liked.

cabbageking · 26/01/2021 22:57

If you want equal cash shares, sell everything and split it.

If you want something agree a price for it or get it valued.

Should be equal split in value or cash

WeAllHaveWings · 26/01/2021 23:03

@McEwan

Selling an heirloom had nothing to do with morality.

If you have a sentimental attachment to it keep it, if not there is nothing wrong with selling it.

If it is worth a lot of money and you want to keep it either as a sentimental item or as an ongoing investment then your db should be given equal value of the estate in cash.

smoothchange · 26/01/2021 23:05

Which country?

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