About evening routines and kids/dinner/housework etc

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m going to start by saying I’m coming down with a stinking cold, feel grotty and I’ve been in a bad mood for the past year it feels like.

My husband WFH full time, I’m WFH 80% of the time but 9-3. DH drops and collects 8yo from school (5mins total), I drop and collect 3yo from childminder (15 mins total).

As I finish at 3 all the pm kids stuff has become my job so getting them dinner, feeding 3yo, nappies, play, etc. I don’t mind that as I changed hours for this very reason during this lockdown.

However my husband is trying to get back into exercise. So he technically finishes work at 5 but that stretches to 6 quite often. Then he exercises, then showers so not finished until after 7 so then it’s a scramble to get the kids bathed, us to eat dinner etc.

AIBU to want him to exercise at a different time if day? If he’d do it at lunchtime or first thing or after the kids bedtime it would be so much easier.

I’m just feeling really tired and like I have no let up. I used to have Fridays off so whilst I had 3yo I at least had some downtime. Now it’s just an endless stretch of work, housework, kids and every time I hear him straining himself upstairs it’s making me angry.

I feel like I’m being irrational.

I also know in the scheme of things we’re doing ok so I feel shitty complaining.

Oh and full disclosure my 8yo has ASD and the 3yo probably does too.

IABU - leave him exercising and buck up you lazy twat

IANBU - ask him to exercise any other fucking time.

Could he start work a bit earlier so he actually finishes at 5?

Tbh I wouldn't fancy doing it first thing or after the kids go to bed.

As an aside, have you had a covid test?

Fuck that, I'd be telling him he needs to be hands on from 5-7, then he can do all the excercise he likes. He's just cherry picking the parts of the the day he wants with the kids, what a twat.

I know I’m being unreasonable - it’s just hard fitting everything in.

He can’t start earlier really - his ‘office’ is our bedroom so it’s busy first thing with us all getting ready. Plus he’d have to interrupt it to take DS to school.

I’ve not had a covid test - do you think I ought? I’ve got sore throat and streaming nose but no cough, fever or change in taste...

Needs to be split. Can a comprise be reached that he can have "prime time" exercise two days a week but the others he cracks on or does it at other times of the day?

Seems unfair if 5 days a week he's having over an hour to himself at tea time

@Flickoffboris

Fuck that, I'd be telling him he needs to be hands on from 5-7, then he can do all the excercise he likes. He's just cherry picking the parts of the the day he wants with the kids, what a twat.

He’s really not a twat - he does all the cooking, shares housework etc. He’s taken them for baths just now as he can see how rough I am.

He wakes up before me and gets the breakfast ready and makes DS his packed lunch whilst I get the 3yo ready and then come down and feed him.

He is a proper dad and has been from day one. I think it’s just this particular time I’m finding hard.

In normal times I work 1 short and 3 long days and we have CM and after school care until 6 so the dynamic of the evenings/afternoons felt completely different.

@sabrinathemiddleagewitch

Needs to be split. Can a comprise be reached that he can have "prime time" exercise two days a week but the others he cracks on or does it at other times of the day?

Seems unfair if 5 days a week he's having over an hour to himself at tea time

That’s a REALLY good idea - I’m embarrassed I didn’t think of it.

I’m also really missing my cleaner. We’ve asked her not to come for a while as it’s too hard to distance with us both working from home so the level of housework had exploded too,

God I sound like such a cunt

You dont sound like a cunt

You have two young kids, with additional needs. This is a really stressful time for everyone. I do think its a bit of a bad time of day for him to exercise, especially every day. Try and find a compromise you are both happy with.

@Merryoldgoat

You don't sound a like cunt at all!
Life is hard in varying degrees for everyone at the moment. 2 days a week is fair enough, but the other days he needs to fit it around the family.

Thank you @Twotinydictators

Really feeling your username right now!!

Thank you @sabrinathemiddleagewitch

Another stellar name!

I've finished couch to 5 k so run 5k 3x a week now.
I run afee ds bedtime at 6.30 or 7pm or at lunch. No ideal but I do it because I must. He can change his exercise time

I’ve not had a covid test - do you think I ought? I’ve got sore throat and streaming nose but no cough, fever or change in taste...

I probably would to be on the safe side.

I've known a few people now who've said they didn't have a cough or high temp and thought it was a cold but it was Covid.

Maybe order one through the post?

Kids don't need a bath every day. And could you eat with the kids, and DH reheats his portion after exercising? Exercise is good for physical and mental health, so I would encourage that, but try to do it in a way that is easier for you

@WorraLiberty

I’ve not had a covid test - do you think I ought? I’ve got sore throat and streaming nose but no cough, fever or change in taste...

I probably would to be on the safe side.

I've known a few people now who've said they didn't have a cough or high temp and thought it was a cold but it was Covid.

Maybe order one through the post?

I’ve got an appointment tomorrow morning. I’m sure it’s not but I suppose it’s best to be sure.

@notanothertakeaway

Kids don't need a bath every day. And could you eat with the kids, and DH reheats his portion after exercising? Exercise is good for physical and mental health, so I would encourage that, but try to do it in a way that is easier for you

They really do need baths each day as it’s part of their ‘routine’ and they need that. Otherwise I agree and would reduce the number of baths each week.

I am 100% supportive of him exercising - it’s good for him in all the ways you say plus more. But I will talk to him later or tomorrow after I’ve had a decent night’s sleep.

I hope I don’t need to call in sick but what will be will be.

I think it's unfair that when the kids are up and awake that one of you gets an hour off for 'me time's every day and the other doesn't. As every time one of you does that then the other ones workload doubles.

Take it in turns to have 5-6 to yourselves mon - thurs and have family time on fridays?