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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working from home struggles

35 replies

StrugglingWFH · 26/01/2021 18:13

I have a very full-on job, multiple virtual meetings throughout the day, when not in meetings I'm on the phone or sending emails etc, think 2 screens and a laptop, not enough hours in the day etc! I've been working from home since last March, partner cannot work from home and finishes at 2pm whereas I finish between 4.30 and 7pm. We currently live in a 1 bed apartment, the rest of the living space is open plan, this is important. Whilst I completely understand that he needs his downtime too, I also need to work. He is a great guy in all ways but he does not understand the stress of my job and will do NOTHING to make things easier for me....as he needs to sleep/eat/watch crap on tv. We have so many arguments about this and his answer is always "well work from the office then". I can't, it's shut and we aren't allowed! He is also self-isolating for third time in 3 months....he is here 24/7, I'm going mad! We are also trying to sell the apartment which is another story! I guess my question is AIBU to just expect some consideration when trying to work?

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 26/01/2021 18:17

Can't he just do that from the bedroom?

Royalbloo · 26/01/2021 18:17

Oh and YANBU

Frozenintime · 26/01/2021 18:19

Can you invest in a screen ? Not a big help but might make you feel separate and more able to focus?

Lazypuppy · 26/01/2021 18:19

When he gets home at 2pm he needs to go in the bedroom, however you need to agree more of a consistent finish time, you can't expect him to stay in bedroom until 7pm

Original poster
StrugglingWFH · 26/01/2021 18:22

He could sleep in the bedroom but he doesn't want to but can't make food in bedroom and we don't have a tv in there either. I've removed myself to the hallway this afternoon but he keeps making excuses to go to the bedroom/bathroom so I have to move each time as he can't get past my desk and chair, I could honestly scream! I can't see how a screen would help due to the layout and it is a huge space!

OP posts:
Original poster
StrugglingWFH · 26/01/2021 18:31

He has just presented me with a shopping list as he cannot go out and there are no online slots for over a week. So now I have to go and do a big food shop as well. Might just murder him and get sent to prison.....might get a bit of peace! I am joking in case anyone thinks I'm being serious 😂

OP posts:
aquashiv · 26/01/2021 18:35

It is shit. The highlight of my life is shopping and i hate shopping.

FoxyTheFox · 26/01/2021 18:35

Is there anyway to shift your workload around so that you don't take calls after a certain point in the day? DH is WFH and has agreed with his employer that he doesn't take calls after 2pm as that's when the DC are finished their remote learning so the house starts to get a bit noise as they drift off to play, his reasoning was that its their home and they shouldn't have to tiptoe around - within reason, they still have to be considerate of his need to concentrate but I think DH had enough the day that yiungest DC barged into the room during a client call and announced "daddy, wipe my bum!" at top volume.

HilaryBriss · 26/01/2021 18:38

Why can't he gp out and do the shopping?

I do have some sympathy for him though. I wouldn't be happy if I came home after a days work and had to stay in the bedroom for hours. It's my home and I want to relax and watch TV after work. Working from home is definitely a challenge!

LastStarFighter · 26/01/2021 18:45

YANBU.

Can you move your work set-up into the bedroom so he can use the living room and kitchen without disturbing you?

hangryeyes · 26/01/2021 18:47

Neither of you is being unreasonable, maybe try noise cancelling headphones? Can he really make that much noise making food or sleeping? Get a small TV for the bedroom?

Original poster
StrugglingWFH · 26/01/2021 18:47

@FoxyTheFox there isn't really, I need to attend the meetings, make calls throughout the day, they can be booked from 8am up until 6pm, I don't have any real control over them.

@HilaryBriss he is self isolating until Sunday, hence the presentation of the shopping list....I've not even got food for myself yet. WFH is one of the most challenging things I've done, trying to keep so many people happy and also keep my job! I'm honestly so grateful that I'm working and in an industry not affected by Covid but I just wish we could catch a break! We thought we had sold last year and we're in the process of buying a house....with office space but it fell through. Can't even do viewings now!

OP posts:
XelaM · 26/01/2021 18:51

Can you not work from the bedroom? Put your desk in there and then he can use the rest of the flat.

XelaM · 26/01/2021 18:53

Do you have a balcony/garden? You can put a makeshift office in there. My grandparents had converted their balcony into tiny but really cosy office space.

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2021 18:57

I’m sorry but I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Can’t you work in the bedroom after 2pm? Of course he should be considerate but you can’t really expect him not to eat or use the bathroom- it’s his home too. Incidentally it would also piss me off to have to listen to someone else’s work calls when I was making my lunch etc. It also sounds like your work are not being realistic about what can be achieved during a lockdown. Have you queried your workload? Or asked to be able to use the office twice a week? Most places are open for staff who need to go in, including for wellbeing reasons. Or could you consider asking your work for some money to hire an office/ workspace, if there is one close to you?

LordEmsworth · 26/01/2021 19:02

Working from the bedroom isn't ideal but sounds like the best solution, I know a few people who are having to do that. You can get collapsible desks so could move in there about lunchtime & set up, then put it all away when you finish work, so it's not all hanging around when you go to bed.

That sounds a lot more reasonable than making your partner stay in the bedroom for 3 hours a day.

XelaM · 26/01/2021 19:06

@Heronwatcher I sympathise with the OP, as I am in a similar type job. I don't know the OP's industry, but I'm a litigation solicitor and you can't just tell the employer (or your clients!) to be understanding of "hoe much is achievable" from home. What has to be done, just had to be done come what may. There are deadlines that can't be moved and meetings can't be postponed when a lot of money and other factors are involved. Some jobs just aren't flexible

emmathedilemma · 26/01/2021 19:11

YANBU he needs to respect your working space and you need to figure out how best to arrange that space in your flat.

Youngatheart00 · 26/01/2021 19:14

I think you should work in the bedroom once he comes home. It’s only a few hours a day and at least its a (minor) change of scene for you!

Sciurus83 · 26/01/2021 19:18

Not helpful but this is why I hate open plan. YANBU, he should watch TV in the bedroom. Hope he makes you food as well.

Sciurus83 · 26/01/2021 19:20

Heronworker I'd be amazed to know where you work where reduced delivery and asking work to hire you an office (?!!) are viable solutions to this problem

Eleoura · 26/01/2021 19:20

Surely if you live together and he is isolating, then you need to also??? I thought household members couldnt go out either?

Thats aside, I'm WFH and we are currently living in a static caravan in the garden whilst our derelict house is being renovated! The walls have no soundproofing whatsoever!

Do you have a garden or any outdor space your partner could use? Get a small TV for the bedroom and he can watch it in there. he should be more considerate with noise if you are working. Could you set up in the bedroom instead?

I sit in the caravan lounge are, but DH will notoriously start snoring loudly as soon as I start a call! People have commented if there is a chainsaw outside!!!

Heronwatcher · 26/01/2021 19:28

I am also a lawyer, working 4 days a week but also kids off school, so yes I have had to push back and my work have been fine. They are big on well-being though so they know an unsustainable workload, at the moment particularly, just causes problems in the long term. It may not be possible for the OP but I know that it is easy to get into bad work habits which then causes you to take out your frustrations on your family. For example if the OP is able to block out an hour in the middle of the day she could chat to her partner, discuss what she’s got on in the afternoon and maybe then her estate agent could manage to go out and get some Covid-secure house viewings done.

willstarttomorrow · 26/01/2021 19:51

OP- similar situation accept no OH. Lone parent though and lock down 3 seems particularly difficult. We have just had to change our mindset about how we use our space-it feels less about just making do than before. I would suggest your bedroom has to become your work space and either move the bed into the living space (quite usual in lots if Europe) or try and zone your bedroom.

LemonDrizzles · 26/01/2021 19:58

I used to use large over the ear wireless headphones with my tv. It was great. I suggest these

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