separated parent and covid

[FourFoxAche77]

Hello all,

i am a separated father of 2 children aged 10 and 14, i currently have the kids every other weekend and i live with my partner and 3 year old daughter. it came to light after this weekends visit that the mother of my children is visiting friends, her family and having her new partner over to stay during lockdown. i really dont care what she gets up to in her private life and never involve myself in it, but i just dont see that its right that she should mix with all these people and then send the kids to my house putting me and my other family at risk. we follow the rules and just stay in and see nobody which sucks but thats just the way it is right now. Am i right to be annoyed??? and any advice on what i should do?

thanks

Are you not bothered about your kids getting ill, or is it just your 'new' family?

both really but i know what the answer will be if i say anything

Well YANBU to be annoyed but there's naff all you can do about it unfortunately. You can't control what goes on in their Mum's house any more than she can control what goes on in yours.

Classic mumsnet

Op: aibu to be miffed that the mother of my kids is breaking all the lockdown rules

1st response: so you're saying you hate your children and prefer your new ones are you?? You make me sick

Of course you can do something, you can report her, I’ve seen threads on here when it’s the dad breaking the rules and all the posters say to report him but when it’s the mum breaking them suddenly “there is nothing you can do” there was literally a thread about this but the reverse way a few days ago and pretty much every posters said to report!

@Givemeabreak88

Of course you can do something, you can report her, I’ve seen threads on here when it’s the dad breaking the rules and all the posters say to report him but when it’s the mum breaking them suddenly “there is nothing you can do” there was literally a thread about this but the reverse way a few days ago and pretty much every posters said to report!

Or to stop contact if the person is being irresponsible regarding reducing their risks of being exposed to covid

I say "the person" , it obviously only applies if the person is the father

I would have said the same if I saw the thread about Dad breaking the rules but yes fair point you could report but unless she's physically caught doing something, nothing is going to happen. Sorry if my response seemed unsympathetic. I'm a stepmum so do understand the frustration of the other parent breaking lockdown rules.

@Mayorquimby2 - stop contact? So basically this father should punish his DC and not see them for goodness knows how long because they have a mother acting irresponsibly?

I had a similar thread on a local parents website and the consensus opinion was that I should stop contact. I haven’t as he is abusive and I’m scared of his reaction and him potential escalating his behaviour. I think you need to talk to her first then consider next steps such as contacting a solicitor. Best of luck to you.

Could her new partner be a single person? Her support bubble?

Her new partner could live alone so that's allowed and parents are childcare bubble. You could offer to have the kids until Easter, that way she won't be juggling childcare.

Thing is @user1471462428 OP can't stop his ex seeing the DC as she's resident parent. As an NRP, the only thing you can do is stop contact yourself with the DC but that's totally unfair on the DC and the OP. Sorry you're in such a difficult situation yourself

[quote CC2021]@Mayorquimby2 - stop contact? So basically this father should punish his DC and not see them for goodness knows how long because they have a mother acting irresponsibly?[/quote]
I'm saying that's what has been suggested a mother should do on similar threads from the reversed position where the mother is aghast at a father ignoring covid health advice and is going about their life as normal

thanks for the replies, my eldest is at an age where he doesnt always come every visit anyway as he is too cool to hang about with his dad these days lol. just all very frustrating and irritating.

and if i post on here again i will also need a key for all the accronyms........as its a bit foreign to me.

YANBU to be annoyed but there's not much you can do.

And contact with children should NOT be stopped for something like this.

As for her friends YANBU, but as for her partner should your ex just be isolated with the kids while you have another adult at your house?

I didn’t mean stop contact sorry I meant go for full custody of the kids as she is putting them at risk.

YANBU but there is very little you can do about it (assuming that seeing your children is more important to you than covid).

I'd be a little more concerned that your not seeing your 14 year old consistently. Every other week is already a short amount of time, could you not include some week day teas of your current arrangement isn't working?

@user1471462428

I didn’t mean stop contact sorry I meant go for full custody of the kids as she is putting them at risk.

She's not though is she. Children in general aren't at much risk of Covid. That wouldn't go over in court.

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

thanks...👌

The partner is her support bubble, allowed. Are the family helping with childcare, also allowed. So the only not allowed is the visiting friends - are you sure this is indoors or is it socially distant walks?

Id be a little careful with what children say they can get things out of context - mine recently told his father he is allowed to stay up till midnight with me - well yes he was once, on new years eve!