Genuine question about WFH and school work

[Agwen]

Does anyone find it possible to get all work done for both themselves and their dc? (3 in my case)

Just to be clear I am not doing the children's work! They each have approx 5 pieces per day, eldest at 16 needs v minimal supervision, 12 yo needs prodding and checking work before submission, 6yo needs much more input/cajoling from me to do anything at all. I am a single parent working 30hrs per week.

I know it's bloody hard but I am wondering whether I'm just being a crap mum and need to put more effort in.

Not looking for validation that the lack of achievement is acceptable, more trying to get a gauge of what's doable.

AIBU= It can be done

YANBU= It is unlikely

It's not possible. I have a full time job and I'm trying to home school an 8 year old (who is dyslexic and needs my 100% attention when working). I'm a lone parent. We are managing, but I'm fitting in my work around him, or him around me (when I'm on calls etc) and I'm having to work evenings and weekends. Luckily my work isn't super busy at the moment so it's doable (although not ideal). If my work got crazy busy (like the spring lockdown) there is no way I'd be able to do anything with him at all.

Sorry, just to add, massive hats off to anyone with more than one child. If I had to educate more than my DS there is absolutely no way I could cope.

It’s very hard. I work 45hrs a week(from home on calls most of the day) and so we have to do home school at night, we are all exhausted and have late nights to get it done. Let’s hope it’s over soon

It’s impossible. I’m a SAHM and only have a school age child here every other week (stepchild), but with 3 younger ones it’s bloody difficult to get anything done anyway, without worrying about school.

@Wejustdontknow

I'm a single parent working full time from home and my kids are with me 100% of the time. One is year 10 so she's ok on her online timetable in her room all day. The other small two are reception and year 2.

I've had to stretch my working hours to accommodate the online learning and the work they get given so I'm working a full 7.5 hours somewhere between 7am-10pm and I'm doing home-schooling/housework/cooking/washing/dog walking in between. I also use Saturday as a home learning day.

I'm not in any way a good replacement for their teachers, and some days I end up despairing that I'm doing any good at all. Plus I wake up frequently in the night thinking about things at work I haven't done yet but should have done. Luckily I have a supportive boss and the teachers are also really supportive for working parents, especially those of us who don't qualify as key workers but also don't have any support we can lean on. I do have an adult daughter at home but she works full time as well so can only help in the evenings.

We call it existing rather than living right now and I'm very tired...…….

Don’t try and work at the same time as schooling is my advice. Split the day into periods of schoolwork with you supervising, and periods of you working and they’re entertaining themselves.

@Agwen

I am feeling the pressure, my ex-husband and his partner are managing to get their own jobs done as well as all the kids work when they are there and have suggested that I just need to up my game. I have moved my hours round at work so that i have freed up some time in the afternoon to help the children but still can't get it all done and am feeling pretty shitty about it!

They sound lovely. Has it occurred to them that it's half as much work, if there are two of them?

I'm just about managing, but only because I'm starting at 6am, and getting 100% focus on work while DH has childcare responsibilities, and then we swap.

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job to me.

I'm a SAHM with a semi well behaved toddler and a very clever, motivated and independent Y7 daughter. I still find it hard. Honestly just do what you can and don't beat yourself up, its a ridiculous situation you and so many other people have been left in

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Don’t try and work at the same time as schooling is my advice. Split the day into periods of schoolwork with you supervising, and periods of you working and they’re entertaining themselves.

Great advice if you can.

But tricky if you are working 9-5.30 and unable to be flexible. And it's hard not to beat yourself up if you are in that position. I know I'm finding it near impossible, at the moment work is busy and where it doesn't involve back to back meetings, it does require working at the same time as colleagues.

My kids are told to do what they can without supervision (aged 6 and 8, that's tricky) and either I will help them when I can, or they'll have to ask their teacher during their daily zoom call. And if that doesn't help then they don't do it. Ideally I'd rather make sure they did the more difficult work, instead of giving up, but what else can I do?

I have been reduced to tears every single day from the utter impossibility, hopelessness and frustration. It's just horrific. Two year 3s here plus a y8.
I just CANNOT do it all and I feel I'm failing in every direction.

You are not alone!

I am managing but I am up till about midnight every night to complete my work. I have a Yr 1 and Yr R child, Yr had 8 tasks today, Yr R had 3. I am teaching live from home every day so no way to move my work around. I have a mix of lessons so some I teach for up to 20 mins, then others its a 5-10 minute check in to see how they are and under stand the work. Then I am online for them to ask questions for the rest of the lesson. I teach secondary.

So I juggle my kids work into the bits when I am waiting for questions from my students. Then from 7-12 I am marking and setting all the work for the next day or so.

Husband is working from home so helps with a bit of the work, but does also sort all food as I teach over the kids lunchtime.

We're managing in some shape however...

• 13yr old DD has attendance tracked in live lessons along with work completion, she has to be self sufficient and get things done (even if it's badly) or she gets in trouble, as she's been out of school a lot because of lockdowns/self isolating because of cases in her 'bubble' she now has a pretty decent grasp on what she needs to do and how to organise herself
• 8yr old DD only has 1 live session a day then three tasks (language, maths and theme based) that have to be done. The teacher is fantastic and also provides numerous optional tasks for children who need more engagement/activities but doesn't push for all work to be completed either (despite the obvious effort she's putting into setting it all up!)
• My line manager is only allocating normal amounts of work. We're normally asked to be "agile" 2/3 times a week and take on more than our share at a rapid pace but thankfully our whole management line all the way to CEO has stopped that as a practice because of lockdown pressures and accepted that means delays on non-critical stuff.

So I only have to check in with the girls to make sure they're on track and OK. The toughest thing is leaving the 8 yr old to her own devices for such long periods of time. She's been incredible but it's just not fair on her. Her desk is set up next to mine so there is company, just very distracted and busy company.

Whilst we're finding it tough, we are thankfully managing. Some of my friend's experiences make me realise just how different the picture is across the country in terms of employer support and teaching provision so as hard as we're finding it, I do feel fortunate in relative terms.

Sahm here with 5 kids, 2 in primary and 1 in secondary.... My primary one with asd is still sst beside me crying and protesting about 1 bit of work he doesn't want to do, daily occurrence for him. My other one gets his done quite well, the secondary age does his independently thankfully. If I was a single parent and working then I really don't know how I'd get any work done with the primary age, they need my constant help and supervision and it's draining, let along having no support with the housework and getting kids to bed alone etc. Don't best yourself up over what isn't achieved, you aren't alone

Oh and my kids get the work done with less protesting for their Dad, think that's quite common!!! So don't feel like you need to up your game, it's just family dynamics and you got the short straw

Yeah it's a nightmare. I'm not an single parent but DH is 'too busy' on the days here is here and not actually in work.
My Yr7 is not a self starter so needs lots of prodding and my yr2 just doesnt do anything if I'm not behind him constantly. I'm lucky I don't need to be on the phone much so we are all sat at the dining table. I'm concentrating on the eldest as she cant afford to fall behind. The youngest sometimes does his list and sometimes doesnt. I decant his list - which comes from school in an email to the adult - into a Google keep list so he has some autonomy. It is working to a degree in that if he wants to do it he can access it. I also print all sheets etc the night before so all is ready. But in reality it is not working. Really hoping at least the youngest is back in school after half term but looking unlikely...

It's possible, but it must also vary immensely depending on the schedule of live lessons.

I spend at least 1 hour every evening preparing the homeschooling. Printing schedule of the day, documents, work to be done, opening tabs of things they have to look at etc.
Basically trying to minimise interruptions as much as I possibly can.

My youngest ( 6 and 7) work in the morning.

My eldest (13 and 14), unless live class! , are allowed to wake up at any time they like and sleep as long as they like PROVIDING work is complete to acceptable standard by the evening.
So either they are kicked out of bed at 6am, or they sleep until 12 or 1, their choice.

I work 7 days instead of 5, but I can be quite flexible, so I normally can be finished by midnight and do as much as I can during the day.

I take the kids out for 1 hour or 2 at midday, run, bike.. anything to get out of the house. Youngest have garden and the whole house to do what they want in the afternoon

The key is: how flexible can you be?
30 hours can be every afternoon 7 days a week - giving you ample time to homeschool in the morning,
or a very strict Monday to Friday business hours which is much harder!

Some schools are fine for the bulk of homework to be submitted at weekends, others demand a daily upload..

@Agwen

I am feeling the pressure, my ex-husband and his partner are managing to get their own jobs done as well as all the kids work when they are there and have suggested that I just need to up my game. I have moved my hours round at work so that i have freed up some time in the afternoon to help the children but still can't get it all done and am feeling pretty shitty about it!

“Up your game” FFS?!

There’s one of you and two of them. Of course they are finding it 50% easier.

Tell them you’re so grateful they’re picking up the extra as your work means you can only do half as much as is set. Kill them with kindness and gratitude. Wankers.

As a long-time wfh-er with 3 dc, I can tell you it's technically, emotionally and professionally impossible to keep this up without doing yourself serious damage.

My dc have been raised in a culture where, many years before Covid, parents (ie mothers) are expected to supervise homework, organise afterschool activities because the schools here are literally just classrooms with unassisted teachers for 5 hours a day, and then mothers have to use up all their annual leave to cover for the teachers when they go on unannounced strikes and have random midweek closures. And we must have FT jobs, cook, clean and look fabulous.

If you wfh and home educate here, you only leave the house to pick up kids from school and do the weekly shop. Much like lockdown.

Result: complaints about work quality, lost clients, stress, nervous exhaustion, angry, frustrated, bored and undereducated children.

You can't do it, so let's all stop pretending.

We’re doing maths & English but not everything else.

I would try to step back from your secondary age kids - they need to manage themselves.

6 year old - find 30 minutes for maths and 30 minutes for English in the day and do some reading at bedtime.

Thing is, work can be as flexible as they like, but you have to sleep at some point.

If you’re a single parent, or partner is out of the house long hours, or is useless, you’re looking at working once the kids are in bed or very early morning. It’s not sustainable to do that as you’ll be far to tired to concentrate on anything.

But even with secondary age kids there is a lot that goes wrong - attachments that don't open in the app, only online, or need downlaoding or whatever. I'm a teacher and have been learning the ropes as we go along so I'm not blaming them, but there's little consistency about how work is set so my two (yr5 and 7) need help. I can get my live lessons done ok but any prep, marking etc has to happen around their learning. I send them in when I have a full day but keep them home when I can. And useless ex here too - same job as me but isn't interested in bearing any of the load.

@iknowwhatudidlastsummer yes my work does need to be done in office hours. I'm lucky to be allowed to start a bit earlier at 07:30. Which I am grateful for as it gives me a good 1.5hrs to get shit done before my colleagues log in and we start conference calls :)

It is good to hear though that some MNers are managing to get it all done. for you lot most certainly.

I was quite happy to be told that it IS possible and I just need to pull my finger out. It is undeniably hard but I am being quite stoic and it is what it is isn't it. (So many "it's" in that sentence!) I'm not going to complain about how hard it is because I can't do a bloody thing about it and its not going to change anything so I will continue to just do my best. It's reassuring to know though that I'm not unreasonable in finding it tough, even if ex-h seems to think I should just "do better". It's knocked my confidence a bit I think. (Story of our marriage but that's a different thread )

I just need to pull my finger out
bit harsh. There are things that you CANNOT do at the same time. It just doesn't work. Some of us have flexible work, so find it easier than someone with stricter hours.
You can't be made to feel bad because someone can be organised differently.

I have little sympathy however, for the people who are too busy to manage, but boast about catching up with crap tv for 3 or 4 hours every evening and weekends

[quote Agwen]@Finals1234 I am glad that someone is making it work :)

My role at the moment means that I need to be in contact with colleagues for a good part of the day and so can't physically start any earlier- the collaborative nature of what we are doing means that if I started before I do now (7.30) there wouldn't be anyone to do the work with 😂 As it is nobody else starts before 9 so I am eating into that by starting earlier.

Plus my employer is really focused on health and safety and when I broached an early start with my boss, he was supportive as long as it wasn't before 7 because of the change into "shifts" territory.

That's the only way I can see I'd achieve it.[/quote]
@Agwen, I just wanted to make it clear that I am most definitely not making it work - despite my early mornings I am still not logging in a full day of work. Today my Year 8 DC is making dinner whilst I work (I ordered from HelloFresh in order to throw money at the problem).

I have been grumpy and stressed all year day, you really do have my sympathies, I would hate to be thought of as annoyingly on top of this all.