To think my friend might be better suited to a different career?

[CyanSnake]

I have a close friend who used to work in retail. They were good at - was promoted to management; but didn’t particularly enjoy it.

A few years ago, she decided to retrain for a professional career related to her degree. She was did a training course through a local university, qualified and was taken on by a firm.

She worked there for 2 years, and had a bit of a rough time. I leant a sympathetic ear over drinks as she told me how her boss overworked her, she had to do extra duties that weren’t her job, he had a crush on her and that’s why he was bullying her, and so on. It got to the point where she was threatened with capability procedures.

She left and found another job; and things seemed to be going well. This was 2 years ago. Over the last 4 months she has encountered the same thing. Whenever we chat she always has a moan about work - she’s been given too much to do, it’s unmanageable, her boss is nasty, nothing she does is good enough. Just before Christmas she was in the bosses office being threatened with capability procedures if she didn’t improve.

She’s now off sick with stress. She’s a very good friend of mine and I’m trying to be supportive. But aibu to think or at least ponder the possibility that if this has happened twice in a row, it might not be the bosses but her? Or at least the job isn’t right for her, and she should think about something else?

Yes, this sounds like a personal problem she had. It's probably not to dow ith the nature of the job and much more likely to be down to her attitude/thinking style. People like this generally see themselves as unnecessarily put upon and victimised, and have very little willingness to take responsibility for their faults, errors and shortcomings.

That said, it's not your job to try to fix her or her situation. Just talk about other things cos the current theme of your conversations seems really tedious.

Sounds like she's not up to the job and can't take criticism

Both situations are possible

I have never had major issues in work, and then when I did, it was with two jobs in a row.

The first was great for the first 6 years, then a grievance against one of the other employees there escalated into my office effectively being split in two - and despite loving the work, a few of us left because the shit from people higher up was just not okay.

I moved to a different job, and heard at the end of my first week from a totally different source about the issues with staff morale there. Again, significant management issues lead to my (amazing) boss leaving, and nobody qualified wanted the job so we ended up with someone with more ambition than skills. Dreadful manager.

So it's entirety possible that although it seems like she is the common denominator, there could be issues within both workplaces.

There are some shit bosses out there.
Since you don't know about her performance at work with first hand experience, maybe just stick to lending an ear and moral support. Rather than career advice.
If it's not the industry for her, she'll figure it out herself sooner or later.

I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say maybe she works in a particularly awful sector? My DH is an accountant and had a series of truly vile bosses in banking. Eventually he moved his skills to a different sector and he is completely happy there.

Trauma breeds trauma, if you have a bad experience you go into the next job not trusting anyone, assuming everyone is out to get you and it gets in the way of building positive relationships.

Is it law?

Lot of intelligent type A personalities- can be very rewarding

Maybe I’m out of date, but the vibe I got from a few years ago is if someone’s face fits and they have the bolshy posh school background and confident social skills and went to the right uni with middle class parents and fit in with the firm social (drinking) culture and are workaholics it can be great. “Clubbable” personalities and all that.

but for anyone outside the norm a bit (ie late starters like your friend) it can be hell!

My ex went in at the right age, with multiple training contract offers from Oxbridge

but as he was going in a bit geeky and didn’t have the great social skills his first few years were hell (though he stuck it out and LinkedIn shows he made it up to the seven figure world)

Also, I understand training contract years they get particularly “beasted” - again my ex felt he was getting a bollocking continually for crazy hours and not much more pay than a senior admin person/retail manager!

But I think it does get better. So even if you perceive she’s not doing well she needs to stick at it as the rewards come later.

Law? Unmanageable work loads are extremely common and everyone I know in the field struggles. I have friends who are paralegals and underwriters and legitimately cry over the stress. I think two jobs having a shit manager and unmanageable work is not uncommon at all and doesn't mean it's a problem with her. Stick to being a listening ear but maybe gently suggest now and then they should look elsewhere as it's not good for them being that stressed!

I sort of think once is possible, more than that and if a pattern emerges, then its time to look inward at what limiting beliefs are being projected out. Your friend can use this situation to grow or to repeat the problem in another setting, because its an internal issue, not external.

This could be that she is not good at saying no for fear of being unpopular, she fears being seen as incompetent, she has a fear of not being valued because she doesn't value herself. I don't know.

Honesty, is the only way forward and through.

For me, I needed to wake up that I really do have 'fatigue issues' and that I suit project work so I can work and then rest rather than constant day in day energy outlay..but it took me getting burnt a few times before figuring it out.