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AIBU?

To think that DH should have told me that I wasn't invited to his work Christmas party BEFORE I got really excited about it.

15 replies

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 07:58

DH asked me last night if I was free on the 18th December, proceeded to tell me that it was his work Christmas party (meal out), tell me where it was, what the food would be like etc etc, and then, just as I was getting really excited about it, he told me that partners weren't invited. He said that he didn't want to tell me first off that I couldn't go, because that didn't seem nice. But why he couldn't say "are you OK to take care of DD on the 18th so I can go to the work party?" is beyond me.
I was a bit depressed about it this morning, and the lack of exciting social occasions in my life and his answer was "well, you can look for a job today"!!! There are many reasons why that's a bad idea (not least that I can't just conjure up childcare and we're planning that I'll have complicated and disruptive fertility treatment soon), but why couldn't he just be sympathetic that I used to have an exciting job where I spoke to adults all day, and that sometimes I miss that grown-up contact. When he complains about some of his work collegues I don't tell him to jack in his job.
So AIBU?

OP posts:

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lucyellensmum · 30/10/2007 08:15

No, YANBU although you have rather stolen my thunder! I was going to start a thread bemoaning the fact that DP had promised me a day out this week but has let me down. I am a SAHM like you, and its bloody lonely sometimes. I had an exciting job too, with excellent prospects, i happily gave that up to be SAHM and i love it. But the loneliness is quite overwhelming at times.

I think you should point out to DP that you would have liked a night out and that, of course you will look after the LO on that night but that you think it might be nice to arrange a night out for the two of you as well, either alone or with some friends.

Lorayn · 30/10/2007 08:30

No, YANBU, he should have told you straight away.
As for the whole SAHM, until you have done it you cant understand quite how hard it is, I know DP seems to think I just sit around all day doing nothing, and doesnt equate it to anything similar to the day off he ahs in the week every now and then and wishes he was at work, at a job he cant stand, because he finds it easier!

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 08:55

I'm lucky that DH is very good with DD, and when he's looked after her at the weekend he'll always keen to give her back to me after a few hours, so he knows that it's hard work sometimes!
I just wish that I knew more people in this area (moved this year) and also that I had some time with grown-ups alone. DH pointed out that I had the NCT Christmas party to look forward to, but that's really for the children isn't it? It's difficult to have a normal conversation when you have one eye out for your DB/DC, checking that they're OK and not killing themselves/each other!

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Imawurzelthatlookslikeapumpkin · 30/10/2007 09:00

I'm not invited to DH party either. On the 18th Dec. But he's coming to mine on the 21st.
He's only been with this company for 4 months and it'd be the first time for me to meet the people there.
In a way it's good cos i'll be 38wks pg.
Don't mind going to mine, they've watched me get fatter, so they're used to it.
Did feel a tad bit miffed when he said partners aren't invited.
ah well. I'll come on here and plastered with cyber booze.

sixlostmonkeys · 30/10/2007 09:11

YANBU although I reckon your DH had good intentions with the way he told you.
One of my pet hates is companies that don't invite partners to Christmas dos.

It's been 11+ years since I worked out of the home. I have no partner, no work colleagues and the long hours I work (+plus caring for ds) mean I have no to little time for seeing friends. I've been out socially 5 times in 11 years. I reckon I've reached the stage where I wouldn't know what to do or say if I was in contact with adults. I do miss it all tho...

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 10:46

DH does have good intentions, bless him. He's also very reasonable in that he does limit the amount of work socialising that he does in the evenings (once a week tops, usually much less). I just wish that I had exciting stuff to do with adults myself...

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goingfriggincrazy · 30/10/2007 12:38

In same boat as you Mrs sighs,although this year I HAVE* been invited to the Christmas do with dh,I won't have any conversational skills btw as I hardly mix with any other adults other than family or dh...

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 12:46

That is a concern isn't it? I wonder sometimes if I get too overexcited and hog the conversation sometimes, just because someone is listening! DH himself asked me last night if I couldn't get out of his hair. I reminded him that the DD of my only friend is ill, and so he's the only adult human that I've been able to talk to face to face.
I keep asking DH to invite work collegues over for dinner (or afternoon tea if they have babies themselves), but he's too shy. I'm desperate for social interaction!

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goingfriggincrazy · 30/10/2007 14:12

*smiles at hogging the conversation comment.erm I think I have been guilty of that... my whole life history have comes out after 2 glasses of vino and 5 minutes of their attention..maybe I'm best off at home!

Tinker · 30/10/2007 14:15

Oh, xmas dos are awful for partners, see it as a lucky escape. But do organise your own with friends, will be much better.

Tinker · 30/10/2007 14:17

Just read rest of thead - ask some of the NCT mothers if they want to do a night out at xmas?

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 14:43

Lovely idea, but I don't really know any of them very well yet. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to bring up though, along the lines of "blimey, working people get Christmas nights out and we don't", rather than an "I'll organise, who wants to come?".
I'm usually quite good at meeting people, DH has commented on it, hence the joining NCT etc, but I am finding it hard right now. I think it's because everyone I meet has children, and therefore everyone I meet has a lot less time to make friends. At least, I hope it's that, or I've become a Billy No Mates!

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Tinker · 31/10/2007 09:59

Yes, I'd do it in a half-jokey "I think we should have a xmas do ourselves" way. Good luck

JazzyJeff · 01/12/2007 20:07

Hi there. I have been a similar situation with my DW, where I gave the impression she was invited, although she wasn't. I would have liked her to come, but it is the company who set the rules. The point here is that sometimes stuff comes out wrong. I think the person who looks after DC dont have any easy time of it, but then having your family reliant on you for salary can also be very stressful too. Normally I am just happy to get home and be with DF, and feel too tired to organise loads of socialising.

bohemianbint · 01/12/2007 20:35

YANBU - pretty insensitive of your DH!

Hope you get a night out yourself at some point!

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