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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a cleaner?

21 replies

cadburyegg · 25/01/2021 16:28

Please help me justify it to myself. I have a 5 and 2 year old. Husband moved out 2 months ago and I've struggled to keep on top of the housework ever since. I struggle so much with my mh (doesn't everyone atm), my project work at work has doubled since covid hit and my 2 year old has slept so badly since the split that I'm constantly exhausted, so it's a battle even to do it when he has them every other weekend. I feel constantly burnt out.

Financially, I think I could afford it but I guess I feel like I should be able to keep on top of it myself and that it's a bit of a luxury that I shouldn't be considering right now. AIBU?

OP posts:

OrigamiOwl · 25/01/2021 16:31

If you can afford it then go for it!

Cuntitinthebin · 25/01/2021 16:33

I have one child and I have a cleaner.

It's one less thing to fill my bucket, so to speak.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 25/01/2021 16:33

One person can only do so much. You haven’t failed by getting a cleaner. Your time could be better spent on quality time with your DCs and being less stressed. Money can’t buy that.

And you’ll be contributing to the local economy if that makes you feel better

ElizabethofpeanutYorkies · 25/01/2021 16:35

Yes, do it. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone. Do what makes life easier for YOU.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 25/01/2021 16:38

Do it- it is so pleasing when you come home and the house is sparkly!

Aquamarine1029 · 25/01/2021 16:38

Stop being ridiculous, op. You've been dealing with a massive loss, you're exhausted, and to top it off, we're all in the middle of a fucking pandemic, and we all know how helpful that has been to our mental health.

You need to take care of you, and getting a cleaner will take a huge load off. For you, right now, I don't see getting a cleaner as a luxury, it's damn near a necessity. Don't wait another day, hire one.

Knackeredmommy · 25/01/2021 16:41

I have a cleaner, wouldn't be without her. Go for it. (I still haven't told my mum though!)

katy1213 · 25/01/2021 16:42

Why do you need to justify it? Anyway, you're creating a job that someone out there will be glad of. Think of it as boosting the economy!

Blurpblorp · 25/01/2021 16:43

I was similar to you OP. Told myself a story that I SHOULD be able to cope without it... my mum /sister /in laws/ex H would look down on me... I got one a few months ago and it's the best decision I ever made. I thought I should just keep absorbing and absorbing tasks/emotional labour ad infinitum and I should be able to cope. But it's not a badge of honour. It's headfuckery. It's too much to expect you to be a breadwinner and a single parent and maintain positive mental health. You're not an infinite resource and you are worth paying for a cleaner to support you. I'll say it again...YOU ARE WORTH IT. My cleaner makes such an improvement to my quality of life. Real question is why wouldn't you get one if you can afford it?!

havemybreakfastthen · 25/01/2021 16:47

I think you should get a cleaner. I used to try and do it all myself as a working single Mum.
I was my own worst enemy trying to prove to myself that I could do it all.
Eventually I got a cleaner and it made our home a much nicer environment, not just a clean and tidy house but also a less stressed and exhausted Mum.

Shesingsshangrila · 25/01/2021 16:50

Its so strange that we'll happily pay for someone to do a multitude of jobs for us, but for some reason people feel guilty about hiring a cleaner? Its not about whether or not we should be able to cope - I should be able to cope without a dishwasher, but it makes life easier to have one... I should be able to cope with washing my car by hand, but taking it to the car wash makes life a bit easier... I detest cleaning - even if I had no children and no job, I would still choose to pay someone else to do it if I could!

Msfoxy17 · 25/01/2021 16:58

I dont think you should see it as a luxury. You have masses of work and are looking after two young children for most of the time on your own. I'm not surprised you dont have much time for cleaning. And even if you do have some time when the children are with their Dad, sounds like this time would be better spent on doing something that would be good for your mental health- resting for example. Go for it, but dont feel guilty about it!

babyyodaxmas · 25/01/2021 17:03

Are cleaners still working ?
We have furloughed ours ?

randomchap · 25/01/2021 17:04

If you can afford it do it. It's not easy being a parent. Take any opportunity you can to lower the drudgery.

There's a limited number of hours in the day. You could run yourself into the ground trying to keep on top of everything, or you could pay someone to take some of the burden off.

Cuntitinthebin · 25/01/2021 17:05

@babyyodaxmas

Are cleaners still working ? We have furloughed ours ?

I had to get a new one who only started last week.

Though, my friend who is a self employed cleaner has had to stop due to childcare.

Cocopogo · 25/01/2021 17:08

If you can afford it then why not but I also think you need to work out why you feel so burnt out and put steps in place to improve your mental health.

Cluckycluck · 25/01/2021 17:14

Who cares if you should be able to do it yourself? If you want a cleaner and can afford a cleaner you should get a cleaner.
Don't shame yourself into not having a cleaner because you think you should be able to do it all yourself

I'm a SAHM, my DD attends nursery 3 full days a week and I have a cleaner. I could do it myself but I don't want to so I don't. Do people think I'm lazy because of it? Probably. Do I give a shit? No.

PicaK · 25/01/2021 17:24

There are people out there with 5 kids, two jobs at CEO level and they still keep their homes sparkling all by themselves. You are being a wuss...
Said noone ever.
Get the cleaner. It's self care and it benefits someone else as well as you.
You deserve this. Those are tough ages, it's relentless and anyone saying different has had memory failure.
for being newly single. Is he paying cms if not 50/50 care. Have you got your 25% council tax benefit etc.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 25/01/2021 17:32

If you can afford a cleaner get one! Regardless of how much spare time I did or didn't have as long as I can afford a cleaner I will have one. They are a life changer. For me it is simple, time is finite and being able to spend it with my family is the best thing ever. Paying a cleaner is buying family time and I will never feel guilty about that or regret it.

minnie465 · 25/01/2021 18:19

Do it. Best money I spend every week. Saves so much time.

AndcalloffChristmas · 25/01/2021 18:27

Absolutely no question! You definitely should.

It’s the thing that is most easily outsourced, and has no really benefit in doing it yourself (except the costs, but I mean it’s not like childcare where there’s benefit in the kids being with their parent)

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