I think I just called quits on ivf...

[stuckinthemiddlewithyou1]

... in mid-cycle before I cough up the big bucks because it’s honestly all just too hard. My emotions, my DH emotions, the constant obstacles and waiting and of course Covid.
It’s all just too hard. Facing childlessness. Everything is just too hard.

What happened?

I know it is all very hard
Have you been able to get support ?

One too many arguments with my DH about it. Honestly I don’t think I’m going to change my mind.

I have not been where you are but it must be so so hard. A good piece of advice I once was given is “Never give up on a bad day”. I have survived many challenges in my career and personal life clinging on to that. Can you take a day off to rest and recover, and revisit tomorrow? You are not obliged to continue with IVF, many people do decide not to, but try not to make this decision at your lowest point. You’re quite incredible for making it this far, you must have been through a lot already to get to this point. Hang in there today xxxxxx (unmumsnetty but so what)

I don't say this lightly, as I've been there, but plod on with this cycle if you can possibly afford to. Just put one foot in front of the other. One day at a time and all the other cliches. Take this last chance. That's how it worked for me and I'm wishing hard it works for you too.

💐

IVF is shit and hard and soul destroying and incredibly emotional. I knew I could never do a lot of cycles, I take my hat off to those who I've see do 4+ rounds. So I don't want to say "never give up" but mid cycle you are not at your most clear minded. Arr your prospects of sucess ok? What are you and DH arguing about? You don't have to transfer even if you get embryos, you can freeze and take a break

My DH has an issue with the first RE who did our first cycle. We don’t live in the UK and REs are hard to come by. We managed to get another doc from out of town to do our next cycle. Due to Covid he now can’t travel and we are back mid cycle with the guy my DH thinks is an arrogant ass. Sounds so silly but so out of my control.
It doesn’t sound like something to give up over but you can never fully explain the dynamics on a forum. Just know it’s sucks.
My DH is being unreasonable given the circumstances but honestly he has a very valid reason to not want this doc to have anything to do with this cycle. Think messed up testes biopsy with no after care from the doc.

Fuck Covid. Fuck being 42. Fuck infertility.

If I were you I would just finish this cycle and then see how you feel. It might work! Draw a lone under today and see how you feel tomorrow. One step at a time. No one is saying that this is easy, but if it works it will be worth it. You wouldn’t have got this far if you had g really wanted a child.

If you hadn’t wanted a child I mean.

I am so sorry OP, I know what you are talking about. It is hard, super hard at times. Only you know if you can make it work or not.
I have had several cycles, an incredible high number of tests and surgeries, many losses. It's been a life changing process.

My advice is to take your time and not to decide on impulse. Your hormones are/will get all over the place and impact your ability to decide what's best. And to distance yourself from the emotions as much as you can.
What worked for me was approaching it as a project, and managing it. I am quite analytical and it was good for me feeling in control, scrutinizing the approach, keeping track of the progress. I lost myself into the technicalities of the process and that took my mind off the emotions.
Big hugs for whatever you will decide to do xxx

I walked away from nhs round half way through. It was a one size fits all/no one approach with too many drugs that sent me loopy. I started again with a clinic that took a more individual and lower intervention approach.

But, I say this kindly, I wasn't 42. Each cycle counts at that age, so if you give up on this are you prepared for exactly what you are walking away from? When my 4th cycle eventually worked, I was planning one last go with the "throw all the drugs at it" approach as I felt time was running out at that point. Age definitely changed what I was willing to accept to try to have a child.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I agree with previous advice not to give up on this cycle.

BUT - if you feel IVF is taking too great a toll on your physical and mental health or your relationship, then it is OK to walk away and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I had to at age 40. DH and I both had problems and the chances of us having a baby related to either of us were miniscule. Donor gametes or adoption not an option.