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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting some help in the ice

37 replies

PeggySue2 · 25/01/2021 09:20

DH and I are both working from home and our 3 kids are going to nursery at the moment (lots of reasons why we have made that decision, irrelevant to this issue).

Anyway, we had snow over the weekend and today there was too much snow and ice for driving them down to nursery so putting the 18 month old in the buggy and having the 3 and 4 year olds walk was the only option.

I normally do drop off and DH does pick up. I asked the 2 of us could do both together today because we have to walk and its icy and there’s a big slippy hill to go down. He says no, he’s busy with work.

So I had no help. It was so icy. They wouldn’t walk. Everyone was slipping. Had to ferry backwards and forwards carrying them. Took 3x the usual time to walk. A stranger even helped at one point.

Felt so stressful and i feel let down that DH didn’t help.

There’s lots of backstory (isn’t there always...) about how I feel about him prioritising his work, so I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

I feel quite letdown but looking for some perspective. AIBU to have expected him to help?

OP posts:

derxa · 25/01/2021 10:33

Pitiful

Fieldofyellowflowers · 25/01/2021 10:42

I mean this in the nicest way, OP. Is there no way you could have kept them at home? Nasty falls happen on ice and you really don't want to be going to A&E at the minute. The NHS are rushed off their feet at the minute so we should be avoiding unnecessary risks. They have enough on their plate without dealing with broken bones/banged heads etc. The government/news sites/hospitals and GP surgeries are asking people to take extra care for this reason. Plus you don't want to our yourself in a position where you have to go to hospital and risk exposing yourself to covid.

Original poster

PeggySue2 · 25/01/2021 10:56

@Fieldofyellowflowers

Yes, i knew it would be a bit icy , so asked for help. It was worse than I had expected though but by then getting back would have been worse than ploughing on.

Totally accept i made the wrong call in the first place though. Should have kept them home.

Just felt overwhelmed with options being looking after them myself all day (when i was supposed to be working and whilst DH worked because he thought i should have taken them to nursery..) or walking them myself.

Should have taken a moment to calm myself down before setting off and would have made a different decision. You make good points.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 25/01/2021 12:59

@PeggySue2

He didn’t have any particular commitments at that time e.g. meetings. Just some work to do, which he could have made up later imo.

So fed up with his work coming before our kids (never mind me). Posted before (pre name change) about him suggesting ignoring a call from nursery if kid ill so he could get on with work.

Fed up with it to be honest. I manage to work and step up when needed. He’s completely inflexible.

Anyway, I’m just ranting now. Thanks for all the perspective! Need to get some work done myself now!!

Ah. I remember your husband and that post. Not impressed.

Time for a proper Come To Jesus talk, OP.

Original poster

PeggySue2 · 25/01/2021 13:07

Have tried the talk and doing counselling. That’s why I’m so disappointed about this I guess. Just need to accept he won’t change...

OP posts:

JohnBarron · 25/01/2021 13:09

Well I would make yourself unavailable to help with pick up.

NoSquirrels · 25/01/2021 13:13

@PeggySue2

Have tried the talk and doing counselling. That’s why I’m so disappointed about this I guess. Just need to accept he won’t change...

Is he like this in all areas of his life?

I'm not sure I could accept this. My DH has had his shit moments, especially when the DC were smaller, and it is a bit of a battle sometimes still BUT he does realise he is the one who is in the wrong, and he works on it and tries to overcome his knee-jerk reaction of "it's inconvenient to me therefore I will just not do it" because he appreciates that means he is by default putting all the responsibility onto me - to whom it is ALSO inconvenient.

I don't think I could "just accept" that he was willing to make my life hard to make his easy. Not even with some seriously redeeming features. Selfishness is a turn-off.

Original poster

PeggySue2 · 25/01/2021 13:20

Oh absolutely...When I say accept it I don’t mean put up with it. I’ll need to leave. But i can’t seem to shake the feeling that he might change which is making it hard to do that. So I need to accept he won’t so I can do something!

OP posts:

LouiseTrees · 25/01/2021 13:47

@PeggySue2

Normally we drive. Haven’t had snow since we lived in this house and they went to this nursery!

And why couldn’t you drive today?

NoSquirrels · 25/01/2021 14:14

Because she didn't feel safe driving on the ice, Louise. I think that's covered in the OP when she says: today there was too much snow and ice for driving them down to nursery so putting the 18 month old in the buggy and having the 3 and 4 year olds walk was the only option and besides, it's not really the main point of the issue she's having, is it?

HikeForward · 25/01/2021 16:14

You need crampons or shoe chains when it’s icy, then you don’t slip. They come in kids sizes too.

Maybe your DH didn’t realise how slippery it was and didn’t see the point of you both going out?

TheSockMonster · 25/01/2021 19:08

Posted before (pre name change) about him suggesting ignoring a call from nursery if kid ill so he could get on with work

Sounds like one of the Dads at the DC’s school. He is a SAHD / very part-time worker with 2 school-aged DC so no excuse at all. I had a meeting with a teacher one morning straight after drop off and his poor DC was sitting vomiting into a bowl in the office. Said she’d been up sick all night. Dad had dumped her on the playground then turned off his phone. One of many similar incidents.

Some people see their parenting responsibilities as a very finite list of to-dos. Drop kids off at school on Wednesdays, take daughter to club on Saturday morning, pick baby up from childminder at 4:30pm. If the child can’t find their lunchbox, not their problem. If their meeting runs over, call Mum. If Mum is unable to drive them to nursery in the ice, her problem to solve.

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