To have been upset at him?

[WonderingIf38]

My boyfriend and I have been together a few months. He's very close to his family which I find quite endearing. I haven't met them yet but he tells them about me when they ask.

This evening he and I were due to spend tonight together which we had planned earlier in the week. We had spent last night together too. When I mentioned plans for the evening this morning he said that he may not be staying at mine as his family (parents and siblings) want to do something on zoom together. I was unhappy as it felt like he had cancelled our plans in favour of his family without even considering my feelings. If he had asked if I minded if he do the family thing instead I wouldn't have been bothered but to just cancel our plans like that bothered me. Wibu?

How old are you both?

Why can’t he Zoom from your house? Surely that’s the beauty of everything being online atm?

You spent the previous day/night together. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable wanting family time with them.

Maybe he’d prefer you meet his family in person in the future rather than on zoom?

I disagree with the above poster. Fine to want some family time. Not fine to let you down over it. Really not fine to not bother mentioning it to you until you brought the subject up. What would he have done otherwise, just snuck out?
I have a colleague that arranges a lunch with me, and then when it gets to about 11 and I say 'where are we going then' he says sorry he is too busy, he is interviewing someone or similar. It's not the fact he is cancelling, it's that he didn't tell me when he decided. Something like a family zoom or interview will have been arranged in advance but he didnt let you know until you asked which is extremely rude and shows he thinks your time isnt very valuable.

If things are fine otherwise and this is the first time he’s cancelling on you with little notice, I’d let it go but politely remind him to let you know next time so you can make plans for yourself.

Upset at him?

At him?

The issue isn’t his actual family for me, it’s the rudeness of making plans with someone and then backing out when you got a “better” offer. He didn’t even have the decency to tell you properly etc

Dig deeper at WHY you are upset.

I would venture a guess at feeling respected? Is disrespect a theme?

Otherwise if you're seeing eachother a lot anyway and just planning to watch tv why shouldn't he do zoom instead? It's not about PREFERRING their company, just sharing his time.

Disrespectful of you and your time.

Of course he can make other plans, but to do it when he has made with you, and not bothering to tell you.

Rude.

Is it a theme?

Because rudeness is a deal breaker for me.

Tell him.

Are you a bit too available?

If you are, be less so.

Because this is the action of a chap that's become a little too comfortable and presumptuous.

I don't see the problem... he stayed at yours last night...

are you becoming needy ? 🌺

His perspective is that you probably just moved the day you planned to hang out so it wasn't a big deal if he did something with his family the next day. Honestly if you are angry about this you are overreacting.

Surely he could have spoken with you once he knew? Not leave it until the morning before.

When you say staying over, do you mean that he’s just not sleeping at yours so will be leaving earlier to do his zoom call, or he won’t be seeing you at all.

First option, then I think that’s fine, he spent yesterday with you, second is a bit disrespectful to you but I would just casually mention in conversation about having some notice if cancelling plans, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it unless this a just one of many things he does that is disrespectful, in which case this is the least of your worries.

Could he zoom at yours?

I think you might be overreacting a bit, yes.
He spent last night with you, presumably he hasn’t seen his family for a long time?

And also, if you’re in the UK, I doubt your evening plans are anything that couldn’t be rearranged.

I imagine you’d also be annoyed if he stayed at yours and spent the evening on zoom to his family.

can we divide the answers here into broadly two camps?

1. he is BU because he should have immediately told you he wanted to change his plans

2. he isn't BU (and or you're being clingy) because you already had an evening with him.

Quick straw poll: people in the 2nd category, do you think it's ok to waltz in late and have expected everyone to wait for you?

I think YABU sorry. Very dramatic - he didn't even 'cancel' he just said he wasn't staying? He was still going to see you just not sleep over. You also have seen him recently.

My family are very important to me and one of the reasons my DP and I get on so well together is because we both value time with our families equally.