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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex is with convicted woman beater I worry about my kids

35 replies

Tazard · 24/01/2021 18:35

My 2 kids live with there mum and I've taken her to court before when the kids were on section 17 when at there mum
but the courts said I could not take them and ordered I send them back home this was when they were 6and 7
now the kids are coming up to 12 and 13 they have expressed wanting to live with me.

Now at the time we went to court she said they could choose at 12/13 and my son remembered this and asked me and his mum if he could live with to which I said yes but she said not until he finishes school around 16.

But he really doesn't want to live there anymore. And to top things off she's now living with a 2 times convicted woman beater who has been in prison for the 10 years due to this. What chances would I have in court if I decided to go there again based on the fact they want to live with me and the people she has living there and the drugs I'm pretty sure she's taking as he's known for that too. Just wondering if I'd stand a chance in court again as I don't want to get there hopes up if I don't have a leg to stand on cause I'm just dad and not mum

OP posts:
Thehop · 24/01/2021 18:37

You’d likely get them if they want to be with you and hour home is a good environment.

My son chose to live with grandparents at that age and my mum got parental responsibility. He told CAFCASS that’s what he wanted and they listened. Neither my home nor hers was bad, they were equal so no reason not to let him choose according to court.

Strongerthanilook · 24/01/2021 18:37

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SadderThanEeyore · 24/01/2021 18:39

@Strongerthanilook that's not how it works. They won't disclose anything to the op. They will only approach the woman living with the person the request is about.
Social services would be able to investigate.

Chalkcheese · 24/01/2021 18:41

Are they subject to a child in need of child protection plan? Are they on the at risk register? I would want a MARAC done if there is a known ex con and abuser living there. This should have been done already but won't if nobody knows he's living there

tootysweety · 24/01/2021 18:41

Take it to court

CoffeeRunner · 24/01/2021 18:41

At that age I believe the Court would take the DCs wishes into account, which would work in your favour.

Is your own home a secure & stable environment? If so it has to be worth a try doesn’t it.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 24/01/2021 18:42

I would definitely involve social services.

What does the court order say exactly?

busylazymomma · 24/01/2021 18:46

i think you have a strong case if you can prove the bf's past. definitely worth pursuing because these are your babies we're talking about

Bourbonbiccy · 24/01/2021 18:46

I would absolutely take it back to court and involve any agency needed to help with that.

KatieGGGG · 24/01/2021 18:47

Definitely court, your children are at an age where their wishes will be heavily considered.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/01/2021 18:48

Some might say you'd be a poor dad who didn't try to remove his kids when they asked ; when they were living with someone with a violent history.

If you really can give them a more stable, safe and secure home then yes, go to court. If they have any SS involvement try there too! But checking the MARAC is in place and working sounds like an essential step. Contact any domestic violence aid group or your local police and express your concerns, get some advice!

MegaClutterSlut · 24/01/2021 18:53

I would take it to court, I would hope there's a good chance of you getting your dcs but if not, you can say you've tried especially given the circumstances. Good luck op

Wyntersdiary · 24/01/2021 19:03

I would go to court, sounds like you have a good case if they want to live with you and he was actually convicted.

Original poster
Tazard · 24/01/2021 19:07

I know the guys past its been in there papers

I can offer a safe stable home I have a full time job as does my partner. She's work from home and we live in the country where she's unemployed with a violent partner who also unemployed. So I'd say I could offer a much more stable home when he and sister are here there always laughing they have there own room

I only get them holidays due to the distance is 330mile round trip to get them and I do all the travel. But that's not an issue it just means I only get them school holidays ect.
And my son asks me alot if he can live here and when I soke to both his sister also wanted to live here as well

I'll speak to social services see what they say and I'm not sure what a MARAC is but I'll Google it

OP posts:
Chalkcheese · 24/01/2021 19:13

MARAC is a multi agency domestic violence safeguarding meeting. There should always be done where a known perpetrator of domestic violence is living with a woman and kids.

Chalkcheese · 24/01/2021 19:14

Presumably he will be on license, so his probation should have requested one if he is being honest about where he lives and who with.

Cheeseandwin5 · 24/01/2021 19:25

Definitely take it to court. You shouldn't even question it.
This has gone beyond your relationship with them, and now it is about their personal safety.
They feel you are the only person they can count on, don't let them down.

GameSetMatch · 24/01/2021 19:28

You put your kids best interest first! The children want to live with you, you fear for their safety and you believe they are around drugs... of course you go to court!

I’d be so mad if my parent could see my distress and didn’t do anything about it. I would want him to go to court even if he didn’t win it would show me he cared and listened to me.

Please try to get your children to safety!

Aimee1987 · 24/01/2021 19:32

Agree with others talk to a solicitor and start court procedures.
@gamesetmatch makes a very good point. You would hate for your kids to look ba k and feel like you ignored there pleas for help.

Lucieintheskye · 24/01/2021 19:32

You sound like a very dedicated father who wants what's best for his children and I really think you have a good chance of getting that.

Keep it quiet from the children and their Mum and get some advice from domestic violence charities and services on your rights, their rights and how to go about doing this. Don't let on that you're seeking this arrangement to the children or your ex.

I'm sure you're doing this for the right reasons but make sure this is kept about what's right for the kids, any hint of negative feelings towards your ex for anything other than her ability to keep your kids safe could seriously damage your case, especially as the courts very often favour the mother.

Best of luck, OP.

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 24/01/2021 19:37

No such things as ‘just a dad’. I have no advice but good luck, you sound like a great dad. X

lyralalala · 24/01/2021 19:39

Child contact arrangements are one of the allowable reasons for travel and hotel stays so can you step up your contact to at least once a month and spend a night or two in a hotel? Many of the Premier Inns are only £30 a night at the moment.

You should definitely go back to court, but in the meantime you need to be seeing them more than just school holidays so they have the chance to talk to you openly about their homelife.

SpudsandGravy · 24/01/2021 19:39

Best to speak to a solicitor for advice, but if they're mature for their ages, and sure they want to live with you, I think you'd certainly have a decent chance. Do take advice first, though Thanks

jerichosp · 24/01/2021 19:39

Yes, go with their wishes absolutely.

ThatVeganFeminist · 24/01/2021 19:43

@Chalkcheese

MARAC is a multi agency domestic violence safeguarding meeting. There should always be done where a known perpetrator of domestic violence is living with a woman and kids.
Actually a MARAC referral only follows a recent incident. It would be appropriate to refer to social services for an assessment and also to make an appointment for mediation with a view to going to court if she doesn't turn up.