Feel really sad about lack of social life

[Suzie1111457]

I don’t mean right now as obviously we’re all in lockdown so no one has a social life. I’m sad about in “normal” times I always felt isolated and alone. I’ve been looking at old pictures today and it got me thinking that I’ve always been lonely.

I grew up with 4 older siblings and being the youngest they never wanted me around. They would do things without me as I was the youngest annoying sister. Even now I’m I’m in my 40’s and they’re in their 50’s. I always feel jealous. The eldest one is the worst she calls me “square” and “nerdy” still after we’re no longer kids!

I don’t have many friends as I grew up thinking I’m annoying and people don’t like me! How can I work on myself now so when life does get back to normal I can have a fresh start and start going things like I see others

I wish I had some advice but I feel the same. I was just thinking about my lack of friendships today. Following this thread with interest

Can you join any groups / classes ?

I started a language class online this year which is a nice way to meet new people.

Sorry to hear this OP do you think there’s any chance of you building a relationship with your siblings at this point? It’s a shame that they’re all close and you’re left out.
I did a course in my 30s and met most of my “socialising” friends this way-became quite close with 3 other women and have remained good friends, going for dinner/drinks, takeaway nights in each other’s houses etc. Would you consider doing a course or taking up a hobby to try and meet people with similar interests

I know people always say volunteering - but it is a good way to meet people and you're there with a joint purpose, so it's easy to make conversation.
Do you initiate social events? Well, not events - but do you call and say I'm going to see a film or whatever, do you want to come? But don't leave it vague - you need it make it clear you're going on Friday whether or not someone chooses to go with you; 'we must do a film sometime' never ends up happening in my experience.

When things are more back to normal join some MeetUp groups, I found the ones that include a hobby to be really helpful as you've automatically got something in common to talk about.

Hi

Have you ever thought about investing in yourself via a bit of therapy?

I think that you are caught in a bit of a trap with your younger self's view of yourself and it's not serving u well.

Re your sister, could you have a word with her, she may think she's been teasing in a way that we only do with people that are really close and really not be aware that actually, you find this hurtful.

You aren't alone OP. I feel much the same.

I'm going to make lots of extra effort when covid finally eases a bit and invite the neighbours over for end of-lockdown drinks. And hold a birthday party.

Someone I knew of joined a socialising group. You paid a subscription of some kind (possibly to pay for the organisation) and those interested would pay a reduced amount to take part. Sometimes it would be a meal, physical activity or a hobby type event. You paid a reduced rate to go and you just picked from the calendar what you were interested in. I guess then you meet others with shared interests in a safe environment and then you can go on to socialise more privately if you find someone you get on with. They weren't all just at the weekend either so it was quite varied.

I would agree with both counselling and some kind of socialising group.
MeetUp, or a class is better than exercise classes etc for meeting people. There are all sorts of classes but pick a few things you've always thought would be interesting or liked in school but haven't done since.
Painting, Particular Book Class, Sign Language, Foreign language etc. People usually sign up for these on their own so are more open to chatting to others in the class.
I do understand some of how you feel, if my nearest age sister who has always found me very annoying was older rather than younger I don't know if I would have made any friends as a teenager. As it was extended time in her company used to knock my confidence for years.

Lots of good advice here but some sort of therapy/work on yourself is essential,

This kind you everyone for lovely advice. I will try to go to some events but I have a young toddler aged 1.5 so what kind of things could I go to with him? I’m shattered most nights after putting him to sleep

Excuse typos sorry

If it wasn't for Covid you would probably be getting him into playgroups etc so you would see people there, although I do think sometimes you might feel more fulfilled if you do something "for you" rather than something that revolves around the child. You have something to have some you time with then.

I would agree that meet up is a great way to meet people. Especially if you can find a really large active group with lots of different activities and things going on.

What I would say and I’m being totally genuine with this - I ran a meet up group for a long time, it obviously attracted a lot of women who like you, and like me at the time, didn’t have many friends or social life. It was incredibly difficult at times because women would come and they would be painfully shy or introverted or anxious / self conscious etc, they would need meeting outside the venue and then require almost baby sitting the whole time. It was really hard as the organiser to do this pretty much each time. So I would say, definitely look into new groups but also focus on working on yourself, your confidence and sense of self. Whether this is therapy or just you working oh you through self help methods is up to you but I would definitely recommend it.

People who are confident, happy in themselves and open to new opportunities are easier to be around and will attract friends much easier than those who bring their anxiety with them at the forefront.

Playgroups are a very easy way to meet new people.... Keep your eye open to any that are going on after lock down.

If you have a good chat with someone all you have to say is something like, 'do u fancy exchanging numbers and maybe meting up to take the kids for a walk?'

People won't think you are needy or desperate but will probably appricoate a bit of company with a child friendly activity. My kids are all older now but I am still good friends with 4 women that I met via playgroups.

Good luck op🍀