DS turning 11 later in the year. Masks?

[whatismyusername29]

DS 10 is autistic and will be 11 later in the year so still a little while to go. I’m not sure what things will be looking like but in England as most of us know over 11’s have to wear masks unless exempt.

I’m hoping things will be better by then but not sure if we’ll be giving up the masks for a long while 😩.

Anyway as above DS is autistic. I’ve tried a mask on him before but he just rips it off. He struggles with hair cutting, hats etc etc. Anything near his face and restricting him is a nightmare. Even getting him to wear a helmet is stressful. Dentist,doctors or anything. Even brushing teeth etc. He isn’t overly tolerant of things but we get by.

Even if I did get a mask on him. I’m sure he would be constantly touching and fiddling with it which isn’t great either.

Aibu to not force it? I will absolutely try over the coming months and I will try but I cannot force him.

I’m reading so much hate on those who don’t wear masks but some people generally do struggle and are exempt. I’ve seen some videos of people saying everyone should wear masks etc and slating those who don’t.

To add, we probably won’t go anywhere he really needs to wear a mask. We spend a lot of time outside rather than inside, get shopping delivered and when I do go shopping he usually stays home. We don’t go to busy places with him. Secondary school doesn’t start for him until sept 2022 so a long while off yet. I assume 11 year olds in year 6 of primary schools are not expected to wear a mask as never been mentioned at DC’s school.

The plus side is he is very understanding of social distancing etc. Actually better than some adults I’ve come across recently. So he won’t be getting up close to people. Has good respiratory hygiene etc. Just won’t let anything near his bleddy face! 😩😩

Obviously I’d rather be wore a mask but easier said than done here.

How would I prove he’s exempt? Show his diagnosis letter?

You don't need to prove he's exempt to go in shops etc. My autistic 13 year old has a sunflower lanyard but to be honest we just don't take her into any shops if we can help it. School obviously know about her diagnosis so they don't question her lack of mask.

Thank you @doctorhamster. I have read that some places are insisting on seeing proof though?

We have a sunflower lanyard for him (we had one before covid) but the bugger won’t even wear that half the time and rips it off 😩

And yes I agree. We don’t really go into shops with him. He has been on occasion before we went back into lockdown but no one ever questioned it but he looks younger than he is and not older.. but no regular shopping.

My autistic son wears a thin snood that he can pull over his face as he prefers it.

@WaltzForDebbie good idea. Not sure it’ll work for DS but I can definitely try it!

Places are insisting on proof my mums been asked twice for proof now and a woman was thrown out of Sainsbury’s a little while ago for not wearing one, tbh I’ve read a lot of hate on here and certain people think if you can’t wear a mask you shouldn’t go into shops etc (anywhere they are mandatory)

I didn't think shops were allowed to ask for proof. There would surely be a whole host of gdpr issues with showing a diagnosis letter? Schools aren't even allowed to ask for proof of a COVID test result!

Shops have been asking for proof.

I’ve read a lot on Sainsburys too asking for proof. I can understand why but doctors aren’t and have not got time to write up exemptions for so many patients surely?

How are people meant to prove?

I can understand some people are saying theh are exempt when they could wear but it seems so unfair those who are genuinely exempt 😭

On the odd occasion you do need to take him somewhere indoors, could you wear the Lanyard ( and a mask, of course)?
If I saw someone wearing a mask and a lanyard walking with someone wearing neither, I would assume you were caring for an autistic, or exempt person.

@doctorhamster

I didn't think shops were allowed to ask for proof. There would surely be a whole host of gdpr issues with showing a diagnosis letter? Schools aren't even allowed to ask for proof of a COVID test result!

They're not allowed, but plenty of them are asking anyway.

I would get your DS a sunflower lanyard OP. They seem to widely accepted in most places - all our local shops are well aware of the scheme and anyone wearing one isn't questioned by staff.

For his (& your) benefit, I think I would try to prepare him for the need to wear one when he turns 11, if possible. Talk to him about which kind he'd like to try (I have various ones but the NEQI ones are IMO the nicest ones to wear) and just do your best to get him to understand 'it's the rules'.

Simply because it'll make both your lives easier, especially if he needs to get public transport at any time.

But if you can't then try not to worry. I'd do what someone else suggested & wear the lanyard myself and hope people got the message!!

Thanks all.

He’s got a sunflower lanyard and had one even before covid. We used it for other things before covid (theme parks, shops etc). But half the time I would have to have it hung on my bag or something because he wouldn’t wear it.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants thank you, I’m going try but he’s very stubborn! Time will tell. Thankfully we don’t have to use public transport for now.

My DS has a thin balaclava that's supposed to go under a karting helmet that he wears quite a lot, and he prefers a snood if he's out and about. Disposable mask for school is most comfortable too - I hate the idea of a dispo mask but he's the one wearing it all day so I've bought a box. Giving choice and experimenting with different coverings helps.

My DS is also 11 and highly likely to have to wear them to school in the coming weeks. He refuses to keep on the disposable ones for more than 5 minutes before ripping them off and becoming angry. A friend made him a fabric one which he took and immediately said "no thanks!" and gave to me but we did manage to persuade him to wear it so friend could see him in it.
He has since agreed to wear it a couple of times, it doesn't fit well so I bought 2 different fabric ones and said he had to choose one to wear.

Would something like that work?
Do you know someone who would make one for him. Or a Minecraft or whatever one? Or give him a choice (not wearing a mask not being an option!).

Is use of a scarf as a face covering a better option. Easier to remove if there is any difficulty? Or a face shield/visor?

Dc1 wears a snood (after lots of practice in the house) as he couldn't tollerate the masks.
Dc3 wears a scarf that I have worn so it smells of me.
I have a friend who has adapted the sunflower lanyard and attached it to her child's coat. Mine won't wear them so I've taken to carrying a hospital letter with diagnosis on just incase.

I was going to suggest something with the sunflower on that can be attached or stuck onto his clothing instead. If he'd not tolerate a sticker on his coat (I taught autistic children for many years, so I'm predicting you saying that!) maybe one you can put on his back without him knowing? That's what we'd do with the contact number stickers when we took our children out anywhere. Otherwise they'd be ripped off within seconds by some.

It would be handy if there were sunflower buffs, if he'd wear one of those around his neck and pull it up occasionally even for a few seconds?

Thanks all for your ideas. I will give them a go! 💗