To not be the one who calls first.

[MisterT373]

So last week I received a phone from a friend who was quite upset as she had been paid less than she thought she would receive for her hours worked in the previous week. She's had some trouble with HMRC and tax codes and these had been changed the previous week. She was crying and I suggested the best thing to do is to call the HMRC and discuss with them. She responded "fine i will call them " and put the phone down on me.

If she calls me and is sad or cross she expects me to let her vent her emotions instead of me trying to help out- and I am by nature a rescuer. Shes said in the past that if she rings me and is angry or sad she doesn't want me to offer help and instead just let her vent her emotions.

We normally talk every couple of days but I havent heard from her for 5 days so I'm in her bad books.

I really don't think I've done anything to deserve her being pissed at me and don't intend to call her

AIBU

You offered her sound reasonable advice , and she didn't want to hear it . I'd leave the ball in her court she'll call when shes over it.

If she just wants to vent, why can't you just let her vent? Unless she's not very bright she probably already knew what she needed to do, she just wanted someone to listen.

Things is, it is exhausting listening to someone "vent" when you just want to say "don't be an arse, I know it's annoying, but just phone the HMRC and leave me out of it".

Sorry OP but I hate 'rescuers' because they inevitably never tell you anything you haven't thought about yourself and ultimately, if that's what you wanted, you'd make it clear that you are asking for their advice.

Sometimes it's nice to just being able to vent to someone close. She should however know you're not that kind of person do it's pointless to call you in this instance.

I have this with a different friend who's always complaining about her husband. I've stopped offering her advice because she never takes it but I can see the situation is just getting worse and worse. It's exhausting hearing her complaining all the time but not tackling it in any way.

I don't know what to suggest really :(

Why can’t you let her vent? She’s literally telling you what she needs from you but you won’t give her that which I find confusing. Then you’re invalidating her feelings at being upset with you even though you know that you did exactly what she’s asked you not to do.

Having said all that I’m surprised why she calls you; I have people in my life who will offer practical advice and ones who will let me vent and I call whichever I know I need to hear

I usually ask someone, "do you want advice, or do you just want to vent?" Sometimes people need someone to commiserate with them. Isn't that part of being a friend?