How do you relax?

[Aneley]

Just that, really. What do you do to relax?

I guess I'm what people would call 'highly strung' person - in a state of permanent tension, and I am aware that that is not good for me or people around me. However, I am struggling to relax. I can't cry (its been years since I did), I need at least 2-3 different simultaneous things to keep me occupied and not thinking about problems and am usually on the go from the moment I open my eyes until I almost faint into the bed. Our home is calm and loving - as much as a home with a toddler and a few pets can be... but there are no raised voices, endless arguments and DH and I really love and respect each other.

Last week was really bad (several bad things happening to people I love) and I went into a total over-drive. It seems that I don't feel the pain only when I am very busy so I just fall into that... if I am not working or playing with our toddler, I do endless cleaning, DIY, paperwork... DH says he's worried and would do anything to help me relax a little, but I can't even tell him what would that 'anything' be.

In a similar situation op. I can never relax. I’m always busy, always tense and can never shut off. It’s hard. I have no advice really but you are not alone. Had a tough time lately too with things going on so my usual anxiety is heightened.

Dp is always telling me to just chill (as if it’s as easy as just chilling).

I tend to keep myself endlessly busy to shut myself away from my emotions too.

Dc are going school still twice a week still as they have ehc plans and my partner is a keyworker. I get those days where I’m home where the kids are school. I keep saying I’m going to do nothing for a whole day and it never happens. 😩

I'm similar, although I get to the point where everything's pent up inside and I get heart palpitations. It's not healthy.

It helps me to talk to a friend about how I'm feeling (not DH, as sometimes I need to rant whereas he tries to solutionise) (and sometimes I need to rant about him). I write, which is REALLY helpful for self reflection and letting stuff out. I only ever have diary entries when I'm feeling overwhelmed. And then to induce crying I watch or listen to something I know will make me cry.

You need to let off steam / let the worry bucket leak every so often, as otherwise you'll explode / overflow (ie. have a breakdown. Sorry, terrible metaphors!)

Yeah, if you're head's full it's impossible to just sit down / do nothing. IME you have to do something to help your head calm down first.

Bath with candles, no phone, maybe a book and a non alcoholic beer is simply my favourite pleasures I indulge in a few times a week. At least an hour of actual relaxation.

Exercise.

I don't get any benefit whatsoever of doing chores, gardening, cleaning, DIY or a walk, even if I try to have some music to distract myself.

I need to spend some energy and push myself to relax properly. THEN I might have a bath or something, and I do enjoy reading a book, but that's for pleasure, not to relax.

I have kids and work in front of a computer, it's not like I spend any real energy. Some of my friends are on their feet all day bust need to have a proper run or intensive workout to clear their head too.

Knitting, especially if it's a fairly complex pattern that needs concentration. I don't have room in my brain to follow a pattern and stress about stuff at the same time.

Cup of tea and a nice joint.

Interesting ideas... I guess my mental hurdle is doing anything that doesn't obviously benefit people other than myself. So, instead of exercise - I'll clean... etc. But I don't feel 'relaxed' doing that or after and I can see that I need to work to push the idea of exercise, for example, at the front of my mind as something that will benefit me but then also people around me as I will be healthier and more able to be of use to them too. Does that make sense?

Walking, cycling, hot shower, bed and reading.

OP I am exactly the same and the more I do the more 'hyper' I get and its really hard to stop. It may seem strange but I put on really cheesy dance or pop music on my headphones and dance like a loon! I find it helps release all that stress energy and I find I can calm down after. I still don't do anything relaxing but it definitely helps my mood. If I have time I do think yoga is good.

something that will benefit me but then also people around me as I will be healthier and more able to be of use to them too.

It's a good start!

I seriously judge selfish and lazy parents, but you don't have to go into the other extreme, you are allowed to do something just for you. It's fine

A really good beasting of an exercise session. High heart rate, lots of movement, and ideally things to hit, while listening to really loud heavy music. I feel absolutely wonderful and zen afterwards.

I’m not particularly highly strung but I have a lot going on at the moment and it resets things.

I have awful chronic anxiety. Things that help:

Exercise - I do Qigong every day from between 20-40 minutes a day
Meditation - I meditate for around 20 minutes a day, sometimes longer
Therapy - I have therapy once a week

Keeping a clean and tidy house, can't relax in mess
I take supplements like magnesium, B vitamins etc
Eat healthily

Learn to breath properly, you may be holding the breath high up in the chest. You need to learn to breath from the stomach (dan tian breathing)

Journaling might be helpful as well as delegating tasks. I get the feeling that you simply don't trust anyone else and it's hard to let go so you do everything yourself. Try to listen in on your critical voice, what's it saying and whose voice is it? Replace it with an affirmative voice.

Speak to your Dr if things are getting too overwhelming. Take responsibility for yourself and your own well being. Get out into nature when you can, it's very relaxing.

I find walking really helpful. It changes my mood significantly and the tension melts away. And I'm no exercise nut!

Meditation makes a big difference. I do 15 mins per day.

I also think hobbies which keep your hands busy are good. Baking, cross stitch etc.

I am the same, OP - remember that joke on the internet that says: my mind is like a browser with 48383922010 tabs open 😬

1. Exercise. It's hard before because I really don't want to, but I'm losing weight, and weirdly, it makes me happy and relaxed (or as close to it, not sure if I ever properly relax)
2. Bubble baths
3. Reading

Cuddle the dog, go for a walk, eat cake, read a book, drink gin, watch trash tv. Sometimes all in one day. I'm not a very relaxed person generally tbh, I've found that taking one day at a time helps enormously, especially in the current situation.

I find it really hard to relax. I try to put my phone the other end of the room and watch something that I like or read a book and fight the impulse to get up and do something else

@anditgoeson - I do something similar, but have discovered that I literally 'forget' to listen music when I'm in overdrive.
@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer - I just need to convince myself :)
@poppyzbrite4 I know exactly what you mean by 'can't relax in a messy house' - I'm exactly the same. If it is chaos around me, I'll feel 10x worse... whereas my DH has this ability to just switch off and take a little bit of time for himself regardless of how the house looks like
@readingismycardio I love reading but its tricky because I completely switch off and then can't stop until I finish the book and that makes me feel selfish. I do need to build it some time to read a chapter rather than a whole book because if I keep waiting for that to happen - it may be a while before I get to read for pleasure again.

Thanks everyone, very helpful!

Walk or run. I hate sitting on the sofa doing nothing. Unless there’s something good on tv. I’ve tried reading books but they make me sleepy.